so hard to sit and watch my son kill himself
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Georgia
Posts: 50
so hard to sit and watch my son kill himself
and yet there is NOTHING i can do to stop it. i'm so angry i could scream and shake him and slap him silly and then i'm so sad i could cry my eyes out. he's quit yet another wonderful job - this one he's had for over a year - a MAJOR accomplishment for him. just up and walked off the job!!!!! he's living alone at an efficiency suite-type place - wonderful for an alcoholic to live alone!!!!! one of the worst things he could be doing.
it used to be he would drink for a couple of months then wake up and get sober for maybe 6 months. this last time is never-ending. since christmas, and probably before.
his marriage is over - she's since remarried. he has 2 kids that he's all but abandoned. that, too, was on and off again - not really fair for the kids.
he's been an alcoholic for most of his 40 years on this earth - probably for at least 20+ of them. has had 3-4 dui's, quit one job after another, lies, borrows and doesn't repay money. i'm sure you folks know the pattern. at this point in his life i don't think he even knows what the truth is anymore. he tries so hard to explain things that to sober people, just don't make sense.
this time he just doesn't seem to care about ANYTHING. my worst fear is that one day someone will find him dead from alcholol poisioning or something.
and yet there is NOTHING that can be done.
we will NOT enable him any longer but will never stop loving him. he's welcome in our home and our lives but not while he's on this trip he's taking. he's a different person.
so sad - such a waste of a perfectly good life.
lucy
it used to be he would drink for a couple of months then wake up and get sober for maybe 6 months. this last time is never-ending. since christmas, and probably before.
his marriage is over - she's since remarried. he has 2 kids that he's all but abandoned. that, too, was on and off again - not really fair for the kids.
he's been an alcoholic for most of his 40 years on this earth - probably for at least 20+ of them. has had 3-4 dui's, quit one job after another, lies, borrows and doesn't repay money. i'm sure you folks know the pattern. at this point in his life i don't think he even knows what the truth is anymore. he tries so hard to explain things that to sober people, just don't make sense.
this time he just doesn't seem to care about ANYTHING. my worst fear is that one day someone will find him dead from alcholol poisioning or something.
and yet there is NOTHING that can be done.
we will NOT enable him any longer but will never stop loving him. he's welcome in our home and our lives but not while he's on this trip he's taking. he's a different person.
so sad - such a waste of a perfectly good life.
lucy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I am so sorry for your pain, and I understand. I have a 30 year old daughter who hasn't worked since high school, has lost custody of her children, and has apparently figured out how to suck off of disability now for the rest of her life.
It is a progressive disease.
You are not alone in your pain :ghug2
It is a progressive disease.
You are not alone in your pain :ghug2
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
:prayingAll you can do is pray. My Mom prayed and I eventually sought help for myself. I had to wait unfortunately until things got so miserable for me that I could no longer stand myself. God only knows how much misery I had put my family through up til that point. They never gave up on me, although they too--got worried every time the phone would ring early in the morning (between 2-4 am)--thinking "This is it..">the last phone call concerning their daughter.
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Hi Lucy,
Gee, I feel your pain and know what you are going through. It is so difficult to watch our loved ones destroy their being. Yes it is sad to see the waste of life, how they live, what they have diminished, seems they dont care much. My AS would be the worst case scenario but somehow I have learned to deal with it. Relationships get broken, hurt and distant but I hope that someday she will come back to the real world. And I hope that for you. Keep praying that he will too someday finish that last drink. I am still waiting too.
Gee, I feel your pain and know what you are going through. It is so difficult to watch our loved ones destroy their being. Yes it is sad to see the waste of life, how they live, what they have diminished, seems they dont care much. My AS would be the worst case scenario but somehow I have learned to deal with it. Relationships get broken, hurt and distant but I hope that someday she will come back to the real world. And I hope that for you. Keep praying that he will too someday finish that last drink. I am still waiting too.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Taiwan (expat)
Posts: 52
Although I went through years of torment with my exab, I always thought it was harder for an A's mother or father to see the decline in their son/daughter. When I had enough, I left. Parents don't have that choice.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
heya Lucyb--
It is so so so hard and painful.
There is something about the 40 yr old alcoholic. Maybe it is the progression of the disease. I mean, there's nothing new to say, there's nothing they haven't heard from us, there's no bad thing they haven't experienced (job loss, lost loves, financial distress, dui's, etc).
My father was 45 when he stopped drinking - and it was - to my eyes just an ordinary bad hangover day. It didn't immediately follow like his worst nightmarish episodes or crisis. After many years sober/recovered with the help of AA he told me, never compare - alcoholics hit bottoms for entirely personal reasons that you can never predict. All manner of negative consequences can be raining down on them and we can look as outsiders and think - oh for God's sake NOW will you??? Nope.
He also affirmed repeatedly that there was nothing anyone could have done to get him to stop. Nothing. He was however grateful that my mom had once slipped him the number to call AA, which he had kept in a box on his dresser for 7 years before he used it.
So I pretty much have said everything I could say to my actively drinking brothers who are around the 40 yr mark. I've given them the local numbers for AA many years ago. And I have accepted the unacceptable that yes, they may die, today, from drinking. They may kill someone else accidently from drinking. If I didn't accept this it was going to EAT ME ALIVE thinking I could actually do something to prevent that. I can't.
Now, the fact that I can't change things for them causes me some considerable pain, but not the anxious chaos that believing (or WISHING) I could change them used to case me.
(((hugs))) to you and peace,
B.
It is so so so hard and painful.
There is something about the 40 yr old alcoholic. Maybe it is the progression of the disease. I mean, there's nothing new to say, there's nothing they haven't heard from us, there's no bad thing they haven't experienced (job loss, lost loves, financial distress, dui's, etc).
My father was 45 when he stopped drinking - and it was - to my eyes just an ordinary bad hangover day. It didn't immediately follow like his worst nightmarish episodes or crisis. After many years sober/recovered with the help of AA he told me, never compare - alcoholics hit bottoms for entirely personal reasons that you can never predict. All manner of negative consequences can be raining down on them and we can look as outsiders and think - oh for God's sake NOW will you??? Nope.
He also affirmed repeatedly that there was nothing anyone could have done to get him to stop. Nothing. He was however grateful that my mom had once slipped him the number to call AA, which he had kept in a box on his dresser for 7 years before he used it.
So I pretty much have said everything I could say to my actively drinking brothers who are around the 40 yr mark. I've given them the local numbers for AA many years ago. And I have accepted the unacceptable that yes, they may die, today, from drinking. They may kill someone else accidently from drinking. If I didn't accept this it was going to EAT ME ALIVE thinking I could actually do something to prevent that. I can't.
Now, the fact that I can't change things for them causes me some considerable pain, but not the anxious chaos that believing (or WISHING) I could change them used to case me.
(((hugs))) to you and peace,
B.
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