i4getsm

I just needed to share this with all of you. As you know, my STBXAH has started drinking again and I've kicked him out. (You may remember me asking for prayers when he was here the other day.) I've been having a hard time waffling between anger, sadness, and uncertainty. I've realized just how much I've allowed myself to be taken advantage of but I can't seem to help myself...it's like I want to forgive just about anything.

So, AH came over yesterday (sick kid couldn't go to daycare and I HAD to work). The boys gave him a rough time. It was clear that they were not very comfortable around him. Kept calling/crying for me all day. (I can work from home so I could hear them.)

I cried about him after he left. Felt so bad that the kids were rough on him, sad that he is having such a hard time, sorry for him that he can't seem to find his way out of this rut. I prayed yesterday that God show me the way. For Him to guide me in my decisions.

Fast forward to last night/this morning when I find out about $1,000 charged to our DEBIT card at a strip club. Once I got over my initial anger/rage, a calm came over me. God looked down on me and said dry those tears baby girl. This is the right path. He gave me HIS answer.

I swear to you that I have some kind of peace right now knowing I'm at least going in the right direction. It certainly wasn't the "sign" that I wanted but it got my attention, didn't it?

What a revelation to be free from that burden!! I still have a long ways to go but I really felt blessed today even if it came with a $1,000 price tag. :crazy Crazy, right?

Hugs to everyone on this board. I've only been here a few days but you have really helped me to initiate this change in my thinking.

:ghug That sounds so cheesy...but I'm okay with that. LOL!

Chrysalis123

When the student is ready the teacher appears.....good for you!

Barbara52

Knowing you are doing what is right and good for you does indeed bring peace. What a blessing for you to receive.

lexusgirl

:ghug2

Glad you are feeling some calmness and serenity.

Kindeyes

Expensive......that just made me shudder. Glad you are able to maintain your serenity through the craziness.

gentle hugs

i4getsm

Believe me - serenity is not exactly what I was feeling when it first happened and of course I'm still having to deal with the financial punch. But, once I got over the initial shock of it all, I just knew I was DONE dealing with him. I have to get MYSELF on the right course and cut my ties as much as possible (of course with two small kids, I'll be dealing with him forever, but you know what I mean).

I needed the wake up call to move on. I could feel myself *wanting* to accept him back. God had to make that consequence big enough for me to see it/feel it. Sucks to have to learn that way but I'm so "sick" myself that I needed a kick in the butt to move on.

Ya'll be sure to remind me of this later on when I fall back down into my STBXAH's emotional baggage.