Language of Letting Go - April 15
Language of Letting Go - April 15
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Communication
Part of owning our power is learning to communicate clearly, directly, and assertively. We don't have to beat around the bush in our conversations to control the reactions of others. Guilt-producing comments only produce guilt. We don't have to fix or take care of people with our words; we can't expect others to take care of us with words either. We can settle for being heard and accepted. And we can respectfully listen to what others have to say.
Hinting at what we need doesn't work. Others can't read our mind, and they're likely to resent our indirectness. The best way to take responsibility for what we want is to ask for it directly. And, we can insist on directness from others. If we need to say no to a particular request, we can. If someone is trying to control us through a conversation, we can refuse to participate.
Acknowledging feelings such as disappointment or anger directly, instead of making others guess at our feelings or having our feelings come out in other ways, is part of responsible communication. If we don't know what we want to say, we can say that too.
We can ask for information and use words to forge a closer connection, but we don't have to take people around the block with our conversations. We don't have to listen to, or participate in, nonsense. We can say what we want and stop when we're done.
Today, I will communicate clearly and directly in my conversations with others. I will strive to avoid manipulative, indirect, or guilt producing statements. I can be tactful and gentle whenever possible. And I can be assertive if necessary.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Communication
Part of owning our power is learning to communicate clearly, directly, and assertively. We don't have to beat around the bush in our conversations to control the reactions of others. Guilt-producing comments only produce guilt. We don't have to fix or take care of people with our words; we can't expect others to take care of us with words either. We can settle for being heard and accepted. And we can respectfully listen to what others have to say.
Hinting at what we need doesn't work. Others can't read our mind, and they're likely to resent our indirectness. The best way to take responsibility for what we want is to ask for it directly. And, we can insist on directness from others. If we need to say no to a particular request, we can. If someone is trying to control us through a conversation, we can refuse to participate.
Acknowledging feelings such as disappointment or anger directly, instead of making others guess at our feelings or having our feelings come out in other ways, is part of responsible communication. If we don't know what we want to say, we can say that too.
We can ask for information and use words to forge a closer connection, but we don't have to take people around the block with our conversations. We don't have to listen to, or participate in, nonsense. We can say what we want and stop when we're done.
Today, I will communicate clearly and directly in my conversations with others. I will strive to avoid manipulative, indirect, or guilt producing statements. I can be tactful and gentle whenever possible. And I can be assertive if necessary.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
My dear friend Hangin' In says "Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Just don't say it mean".
How true that is, and for me I have to remember that once said, I don't have to repeat myself over and over. I can say what I mean and then stop talking...oh what a hard lesson that was for me.
Communication is the only way others can know how we feel, what we think, and what we want from life or a relationship. Guessing can lead to all sorts of misunderstandings and illusions of something that is not what it appears.
Hugs
How true that is, and for me I have to remember that once said, I don't have to repeat myself over and over. I can say what I mean and then stop talking...oh what a hard lesson that was for me.
Communication is the only way others can know how we feel, what we think, and what we want from life or a relationship. Guessing can lead to all sorts of misunderstandings and illusions of something that is not what it appears.
Hugs
I am guilty of saying things to make him feel bad or feel guilty. I always thought if I could make him miserable enough when he was using then he wouldn't want to use anymore....negative reinforcement I guess. I am so much better now at not doing that because I am finally accepting that, you guessed it, I can't control it, change it, or cure it. But I am still far from being a good communicator-- I still do the silent treatment or raise my voice-- I rarely express my needs.
Thanks for yet another thing I could work on to make me better.
Thanks for yet another thing I could work on to make me better.
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