jazpoppy

My Alcoholic Ex keeps calling my new bf and threatening to burn the house down, kidnap me and do anything in his power to get me back. He even says that my mom is going to have me arrested for stealing money (I used her debit card WITH PERMISSION to fix her car for 700 dollars, but also spent maybe 100 dollars for gas to do errands without asking each time). He says I am going to jail for that and I am going to jail because I have her car (my dad's name is on the registration too even though they are divorced and he says I can use it because she is legally blind and only has 1 leg and is a chronic alcoholic (round the clock drinker). I am scared, but a lot of people have told me not to worry. Even if my mom can say I forged a check once (she told me to sign it for her because she was shakey, now she is using that 250 dollars against me) I will not go to jail. I would just be ordered to pay her back. He tells me over the answering machine that if I come back to him, he'll pay her back, and she will not press charges. My dad tells me she isn't going to press charges, but I am confused! I am not a theif! I gave my mom 5000 dollars out of my disability settlement 5 months ago, and then spent more money on her and her dog, traveled to take care of her at my expense. I don't want to go to jail! I have a 10 year old to take care of! I love him! I am very nervous person, with disabilities I'd die in jail! THey don't let you have pain medications, and anti-anxiety medications, and sometimes they take you off your anti-depressants, I know I would get very ill. I took good care of my mom for many years, but she abuses me verbally and makes me run like a slave. So did my ex abf. They now live together and are devising a plan to MAKE me come home to them! ARGH! We get about 30 to 40 calls per day from him! Any advice? Thanks. The police are involved and I am getting a restraining order, but the stress is driving me crazy!

Luv

Jaz

Wascally Wabbit

I hate how the a throws every single weapon they have at you when you decide you don't want their chaotic life style any more.
Threaten! Scare! Boo!
Don't fall for it.
Hold on to your peace. Show him that you are dead serious and prove to him you don't have to be abused and threatened.

lexusgirl

Hi Jaz...
Why would you go to jail if you know you did nothing wrong? He is only intimidating you and trying to scare you. May I ask how involved the police are at this point?

You can get a temp. restraining order within a day I believe. Maybe that would be the best thing to protect you and your child.

BayAreaPhoenix

Oh sweetie. They are pushing your buttons. Try try try to see that. I know the feeling, I was made to feel like $50 was out of line that my Dad gave me by my step-mom. Made me feel like I had stolen it and worse. Now, all these years later, I can see how ridiculous, but as said above, they know your buttons - they helped install them.

Try to take a deep breath and think about the big picture. This is all small potatoes and they're trying to make you think it's worth your life and sanity! It's not!

((((hugs))))

AWEDA

Just trying to scare you and control you.......Remember you are dealing with very sick people.I heard the same BS from my AH,he's sitting in jail now. Get your restraing order TODAY!!!!!

Barbara52

Do you have an attorney? If so, give them all the messages and let them take whatever action can be taken. Talk to them about what you have done, haven't done and find out what is the reality of what may happen. Getting real legal advice and input of what the realities are gives you power and will likely ease your fears.

As for you, stop answering the phone, stop listening to the messages. You can choose to stop letting them harrass and manipulate you.

fluffyflea

Are you looking into a restraining order on him?

Ngaire

Rella927

Yup I remember this all to well-When we decide to make choices for ourselves they throw every wrench into it to try to manipulate us into our "stupid thinking" and go running back! I was guilty of that-a few times until ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH!

Getting the restraining order is a great step-and possibly talking to an attorney (free consult) you could even do an online-e-mail one with your issue and hear what they have to say. (I have done that on past things). Please be careful and take extra caution around you. In my experience with my own situation mine did not stop-went to many extremes-that I cannot even begin to get into-from running me off the road to worse things!

Have you considered getting yourself into Al-Anon or counseling? It helped my strength to grow within and taught me how to face life in a much better way.

His problems are his.....and yours are yours-Do not allow him to make his yours!

Also maybe consider changing your phone number! I hesitated on changing mine but it was the greatest change and peace I gave to myself!

jazpoppy

Thanks so much everybody! To answer Lexusgirl's question, I am going to court in a few minutes to get a restraining order out on him for me and my son and the person I am living with is filing a complaint for harrassment over the phone. We are going to try to block the numbers he calls from (there are about 4 or 5 numbers I have that he calls here from) through verizon phone company, they say they can do that so the calls will never reach us. Also we may change the phone number anyways to unlisted number. The police up where he lives are also involved and have spoken to him (he called and acted scared and said "you don't have to get the police involved". My new boyfriend said "yes I do because you threatend to burn our house down!". I am going to get the restraining order now. Peace!

Love

Jaz

Barbara52

Good for you! You are fighting back and showing yourself his threats of legal action are BS! Take whatever action you can.

Miss Pink

so you dont feel alone....

My ex is going to:

1. have me arrested for identify theft (tho who wants HIS identity, especially when his credit is ruined and worhtless)

2. his employer is giving him money to hire an attorney to fight me in family court (tho when i asked his employer via email if that was so, he never replied)

3. going to take me to court to prevent me from relocating with our son, who he abandoned 3 years ago (yet, his filing date has elapsed and has given up his legal right to object to the relocation)

In other words....its all an effort to control me, which makes him feel powerful. Words...nothing more...however, those threats of criminal activity should absolutely be taken to the police. THEN....he will see some action!

jazpoppy

The restraining order was granted!!! Its a temp order until April 1st, then I go back to court at 9am April 1st to renew it for a whole YEAR! The Judge I dealt with seemed so disgusted when I told him why I was afraid of this jerk! After I told the Judge that my ex AB threatened to send me our Chinchilla (Gizmo, who he promised to keep with him because I can't have pets where I live now) DEAD thru the mail!!! He said to me "I have heard enough horrible evidence to grant you this order!" "Please come back on April 1st at 9am to make it PERMANENT!"

I have not had 1 threatening phone call (or ANY phone calls) from him since he was served today in NH! I called my mother (even though I stay away from her for her alcoholic abusive nature, I still call to check in, I do still love her) and she told me he had been served today. She also is still letting him live with her, because he gets her booze and food. She said she wants him out, and doesn't know when he'll leave. I told her to KICK him out. She won't! She does tell me that he is a con-artist, which he is the KING of CON! She said that she didn't know who to believe, him or me! I told her that I hope she believes her own daughter! She has seen bruises he put on me for cryin' out loud! She saw spagetti sauce in my hair after he dumped a hot pan of it over my head when I was trying to leave the house! She even had a call from our local Police asking if I was hurt, and telling her that they feared for me living with this man and wanted me to get away from him! I don't understand her thinking! I may talk to her again tommorrow in private and see what's going on up there. All the legal stuff was BS. My mom is not having me arrested for anything! I feel SOOOOO much better knowing this and feel much better with this protective order that covers me, where I live, and covers my 10 year-old-son who is still in NH living with his dad because he goes to private school up there! I am glad they extended the order to cover him too, I specifically expressed that I wanted it that way! Wish me luck and please help pray for peace for myself and any other women or men that may be suffering still in a domestic violence situation. That they may find their way out like I did and start getting their lives on track. Its a hard road but its worth it!

Love

Jaz

lexusgirl

((((((((((((((Jaz)))))))))))))

I'm glad you got the TRO! Good for you!! I have been through a similiar situation with my son's Dad. Although he never threatned to have me arrested he was just very mean and violent.

Take care of yourself

AWEDA

Jaz,
Way to go!!!!
Wishing you peace...........

Conez

so pleased to hear u are coming thru this.

peace for yourself....
don't expect to be ever able to understand ur mothers way of thinkin... its off the planet!