New to Sober Recovery
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 1
New to Sober Recovery
Hello all.....
Wanted to introduce myself. I'm Tricia, 36 years old, a life-long alcoholic. I've been told by some of the worst drug addicts and alcoholics that I've got a real problem and that they can't stand being around me. But I've always known that. I've been binge drinking, blacking out, and driving everyone and everything good in my life away since I started guzzling Thunderbird at 14. Without exception every member of my family has a substance problem, mostly alcoholics, but a few pill poppers, too. Unlike me, they are all abstaining, knock on wood, but they don't participate in AA.
I am a binger, so I have somehow mananged to function to a certain extent, but I would have been in a very different place today had I accepted the fact that I cannot drink many years ago. I've always known that I can't drink, but I've also always resented that fact; that I can't enjoy alcohol -- sunday bloody mary's, friday night martinis - because while others go home and go to sleep after a few cocktails, I make a desperate run to the liquor store before it closes and end up falling through a glass coffee table, falling asleep with a lit cigarette - you get the idea.
My mother asked me six years ago if I was going to drink my 30's away like I did my 20's, and I told her "Of course not!" and truly believed that, but that's just what I've done. Lately I've felt such fear and terror, envisioning my future if I don't cut it out. But the insanity is that even though I know it's killing me and ruining me, I continue to tell myself "Just a couple glasses of wine at home won't hurt." Of course then I drink myself into a coma (I usually drink alone) and spend the next day trying to piece together what calls I've made to whom, apologizing, and of course begging off work, suffering anxiety and heart palpitations, cursing myself.
I guess I'm still sort of on the first step. I don't know what life is without alcohol. I know it's got to be better. Tomorrow I go to my first meeting voluntarily. I've attended AA many times in the past due to two DUI's, and I've attended with friends. But tomorrow is for me. I hope that I'll follow through. I so much want to replace my feelings of self-loathing, shame, and disappointment in myself with some feeling of happiness or at least peace. But I must say I don't have too much confidence. I sometimes feel like a lost cause and wonder why I was cursed with this disease, this inability to control my alcohol intake the moment that first drop passes my lips.
Anyhoo, I'm hoping to check into this forum often. I know that i can't do this by myself. I haven't done such a bang-up job on my own up to this point. Thanks for reading. Chat soon.
Wanted to introduce myself. I'm Tricia, 36 years old, a life-long alcoholic. I've been told by some of the worst drug addicts and alcoholics that I've got a real problem and that they can't stand being around me. But I've always known that. I've been binge drinking, blacking out, and driving everyone and everything good in my life away since I started guzzling Thunderbird at 14. Without exception every member of my family has a substance problem, mostly alcoholics, but a few pill poppers, too. Unlike me, they are all abstaining, knock on wood, but they don't participate in AA.
I am a binger, so I have somehow mananged to function to a certain extent, but I would have been in a very different place today had I accepted the fact that I cannot drink many years ago. I've always known that I can't drink, but I've also always resented that fact; that I can't enjoy alcohol -- sunday bloody mary's, friday night martinis - because while others go home and go to sleep after a few cocktails, I make a desperate run to the liquor store before it closes and end up falling through a glass coffee table, falling asleep with a lit cigarette - you get the idea.
My mother asked me six years ago if I was going to drink my 30's away like I did my 20's, and I told her "Of course not!" and truly believed that, but that's just what I've done. Lately I've felt such fear and terror, envisioning my future if I don't cut it out. But the insanity is that even though I know it's killing me and ruining me, I continue to tell myself "Just a couple glasses of wine at home won't hurt." Of course then I drink myself into a coma (I usually drink alone) and spend the next day trying to piece together what calls I've made to whom, apologizing, and of course begging off work, suffering anxiety and heart palpitations, cursing myself.
I guess I'm still sort of on the first step. I don't know what life is without alcohol. I know it's got to be better. Tomorrow I go to my first meeting voluntarily. I've attended AA many times in the past due to two DUI's, and I've attended with friends. But tomorrow is for me. I hope that I'll follow through. I so much want to replace my feelings of self-loathing, shame, and disappointment in myself with some feeling of happiness or at least peace. But I must say I don't have too much confidence. I sometimes feel like a lost cause and wonder why I was cursed with this disease, this inability to control my alcohol intake the moment that first drop passes my lips.
Anyhoo, I'm hoping to check into this forum often. I know that i can't do this by myself. I haven't done such a bang-up job on my own up to this point. Thanks for reading. Chat soon.
I am McLovin'
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Santa Clara, CA
Posts: 144
Tricia,
Your story reads as if I wrote it, so I definitely know how you feel. I've been sober for a week, been in AA for a week. I hope you find strength on this forum and in the meetings, but most importantly, within yourself. Enjoy your new life of sobriety, you deserve it.
Your story reads as if I wrote it, so I definitely know how you feel. I've been sober for a week, been in AA for a week. I hope you find strength on this forum and in the meetings, but most importantly, within yourself. Enjoy your new life of sobriety, you deserve it.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR Tricia, that is one of the keys to getting sober, doing it for you, not your mom, your sister, your spouse, or your kids, but for you.
I found the solution to my alcoholism when I became willing to do what ever it took to get and stay sober.
If you are willing to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober, going to that meeting for your self can be if you really want it to be more then you want to drink, the beginning of a new life for you and a new you.
But tomorrow is for me.
I found the solution to my alcoholism when I became willing to do what ever it took to get and stay sober.
If you are willing to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober, going to that meeting for your self can be if you really want it to be more then you want to drink, the beginning of a new life for you and a new you.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Welcome Tricia! Glad that you found us-
and please do stick around this is a great place-
You are not alone in this! Sounds like you are ready to embrace your new life!
and please do stick around this is a great place-You are not alone in this! Sounds like you are ready to embrace your new life!
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