My mom is in treatment for the first time
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 3
My mom is in treatment for the first time
This is my first post to this site so thanks in advance for any insight anyone in this community might be able to offer.
My mom is an alcoholic, she also has a number of other problems. After a long and winding road I may publish later (though I would find it hard to believe that anyone really wants to hear another sad story) my mom has finally entered an inpatient rehabilitation program for her alcoholism and underlying disorders. I'm writing this because the program has a family participation component, a week of group therapy. I'm the only one who can go for the whole week and I'm definantly going. I'm a little stuck as to what one in my position does for an entire week to help with my mother's rehabilitation. I also find myself a little apprehensive about expressing my feelings w/r/t her drinking and the events that have happened as a result of it. I'm afraid that if she hears how I feel and the hell I've gone through to help her it might make her more depressed. To be honest I've not sought any therapy for myself and I'm a little scared as to what might come out of my mouth.
I'm curious to know if anyone has been through one of these programs with a loved one and what their experiences with that were.
Thanks
My mom is an alcoholic, she also has a number of other problems. After a long and winding road I may publish later (though I would find it hard to believe that anyone really wants to hear another sad story) my mom has finally entered an inpatient rehabilitation program for her alcoholism and underlying disorders. I'm writing this because the program has a family participation component, a week of group therapy. I'm the only one who can go for the whole week and I'm definantly going. I'm a little stuck as to what one in my position does for an entire week to help with my mother's rehabilitation. I also find myself a little apprehensive about expressing my feelings w/r/t her drinking and the events that have happened as a result of it. I'm afraid that if she hears how I feel and the hell I've gone through to help her it might make her more depressed. To be honest I've not sought any therapy for myself and I'm a little scared as to what might come out of my mouth.
I'm curious to know if anyone has been through one of these programs with a loved one and what their experiences with that were.
Thanks
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
When the family week arrives the counselors at the rehab will guide you throught the process.
It is equally important that you learn to express your own thoughts + feelings.
They say alcoholism is a "family disease". Your own recovery from growing up in an alcoholic home is a crucial part. Don't lose sight of that. It is not just all about your mom.
How wonderful that she has you to be supportive and has taken this step to learn to lilve differently. Wishing you and your family all the best.
It is equally important that you learn to express your own thoughts + feelings.
They say alcoholism is a "family disease". Your own recovery from growing up in an alcoholic home is a crucial part. Don't lose sight of that. It is not just all about your mom.
How wonderful that she has you to be supportive and has taken this step to learn to lilve differently. Wishing you and your family all the best.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Welcome! Its great to read your mother is in rehab and that you are going to the family therapy sessions. I think you will find them helpful. Remember that they will guide you thru it all, that honesty is the best way to help, that you have been harmed by your mother's alcoholism also.
Retired Pro Drunk
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Saint Paul, MN
Posts: 901
Originally Posted by helperchild 
I'm a little stuck as to what one in my position does for an entire week to help with my mother's rehabilitation.
Do it, without question.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
Welcom helperchild.......its NOT just about her.....YOU have a recovery process to go through as well. She needs to hear and learn what her alcoholism did to you and the family - otherwise why would she even want to recover....if it only did damage to her and her alone why would she care? Soooo many alcoholics don't care and never seek a recovery program and never look at the damage that the drinking did to the family. At least your mother is THERE. And is embracing sobriety to some degree. That alone is a HUGE step in her recovery process and also in yours. Tell the truth and don't sugar coat anything ok.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ontario
Posts: 85
Hi, so glad to hear your mom is in treatment.
When my BF went through treatment last year there was a Family Program available to me (we live in Ontario). It was not part of his treatment, it was a separate program for family members. There were sessions about addiction so we could understand it better but most of the focus was on how we reacted to our family member's addiction and on OUR recovery. It really was a wonderful program and I'm really glad I got to go. My BF and I are still going to conselling with one of the leaders of that program and it's helping us a lot. Our group of 8 (all women) still get together to talk about our situations.
Hope you find the program as good as I did.
Spinner
When my BF went through treatment last year there was a Family Program available to me (we live in Ontario). It was not part of his treatment, it was a separate program for family members. There were sessions about addiction so we could understand it better but most of the focus was on how we reacted to our family member's addiction and on OUR recovery. It really was a wonderful program and I'm really glad I got to go. My BF and I are still going to conselling with one of the leaders of that program and it's helping us a lot. Our group of 8 (all women) still get together to talk about our situations.
Hope you find the program as good as I did.
Spinner
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 3
What if...
What if I'm not sure I'm ready to heal for my own sake? What if by telling her the full ramification of her actions she is thrown into depression? or it just discourages her and puts a slow down or a stop on her progress in rehab? I know everyone will think I'm crazy but if she's better then I'm better (I know that's some form of co-dependent). In the end maybe it all comes down to being scared - scared of my feelings, scared of her reaction to my feelings, and scared of what it will mean when everything is just laid out on the table. Thanks so much to everyone who has responded to this thread so far. It's so nice to talk to a big community of people who have experience with this all-to-common problem.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
I wish this kind of process was available when my mom checked her self in 30 years ago.
She has not had a drink since, but the funny thing is, she acts as if nothing bad ever happened! I am left with all the anger and I can't talk to her about it.
I know AA focus on the individual and they tend to be quite self centered when it comes to family. But, I think they do need to hear what they have done to us.
She has not had a drink since, but the funny thing is, she acts as if nothing bad ever happened! I am left with all the anger and I can't talk to her about it.
I know AA focus on the individual and they tend to be quite self centered when it comes to family. But, I think they do need to hear what they have done to us.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
The program that my A son went through 15 months ago also had family group sessions. Many of the sessions were without the alcoholic......just for the family. It was a very healing process. The family members were able to talk openly and let out those feelings that they had bottled up for so long. We all found that we weren't alone in our pain. It was very helpful to me.
The counselors will guide you. Go with the flow and see what happens. You may also get the opportunity to speak with the counselors one on one so that they can help you and in turn better help your mother.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mother. Take it one day at a time and you'll find that your healing is an intragal part of your mother's healing process. Take care of you.
The counselors will guide you. Go with the flow and see what happens. You may also get the opportunity to speak with the counselors one on one so that they can help you and in turn better help your mother.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mother. Take it one day at a time and you'll find that your healing is an intragal part of your mother's healing process. Take care of you.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I think it is truly wonderful that you have the opportunity to take part in such a program.
I am the adult child of an alcoholic Father. I am an alcoholic/addict who has a son who, thank God, broke the cycle and is a normie.
When my Dad went into the only treatment program he ever went in to, I went to all the family activities they had. But they were just that, activities, fun days. I never had the opportunity to address how his disease effected me. I was also afraid if he found out all the feelings that I had, he would relapse. I spent all my time trying to get Dad to just forget what had happened and move on. All this did was to once again, sweep everything under the carpet, pretend nothing ever happened.
When I finally surrendered completely in July of 05, I knew that my behaviors had effected my son, who was 16 at the time, tremendously. Once again, there weren't any opportunites at the treatmetn center I was in for his feelings to be addressed. Luckily, I have been able to let him know that it's ok to express what my drinking and using did to him. His self esteem, pride, anger, shame, . . . were direct results of my disease. He has opened up to some extent of how he felt and still feels. Sure, it hurt so bad to hear that he was ashamed of me. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die when he told me that he hated to admit that I was his Mom. Me, the woman who found out when his high school baseball games were and sat in the lawnchair nodding off. I was yelling for him to hit the ball, go Brandon, and it wasn't him at bat. I will never forget the look on his face when his whole team was looking at me like I was some crazy lady, I didn't even know it wasn't my son at bat. I was so high.
But I know that he needs to express his feelings on how my disease effected him in order for him to begin to heal. And I need to hear these things to not only know how my using effected him, but also, that no matter how horrible I acted as a result of my disease, he still loves me.
God Bless & Thank God . . . Just for Today,
Judy
I am the adult child of an alcoholic Father. I am an alcoholic/addict who has a son who, thank God, broke the cycle and is a normie.
When my Dad went into the only treatment program he ever went in to, I went to all the family activities they had. But they were just that, activities, fun days. I never had the opportunity to address how his disease effected me. I was also afraid if he found out all the feelings that I had, he would relapse. I spent all my time trying to get Dad to just forget what had happened and move on. All this did was to once again, sweep everything under the carpet, pretend nothing ever happened.
When I finally surrendered completely in July of 05, I knew that my behaviors had effected my son, who was 16 at the time, tremendously. Once again, there weren't any opportunites at the treatmetn center I was in for his feelings to be addressed. Luckily, I have been able to let him know that it's ok to express what my drinking and using did to him. His self esteem, pride, anger, shame, . . . were direct results of my disease. He has opened up to some extent of how he felt and still feels. Sure, it hurt so bad to hear that he was ashamed of me. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die when he told me that he hated to admit that I was his Mom. Me, the woman who found out when his high school baseball games were and sat in the lawnchair nodding off. I was yelling for him to hit the ball, go Brandon, and it wasn't him at bat. I will never forget the look on his face when his whole team was looking at me like I was some crazy lady, I didn't even know it wasn't my son at bat. I was so high.
But I know that he needs to express his feelings on how my disease effected him in order for him to begin to heal. And I need to hear these things to not only know how my using effected him, but also, that no matter how horrible I acted as a result of my disease, he still loves me.
God Bless & Thank God . . . Just for Today,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 20
Sweetie,
It is so important that you are honest, you need to get this stuff out of you. Nothing you could ever say could make another person drink.Actually my experience has been the opposite. Many people have not ever taken another drink because family members were honest about the affects the alcoholic's drinking had on them. Many said this is what kept them from drinking. Please be honest, and when you get back home, go to an alanon meeting and pick up the book codependent no more, I believe these things could help you alot. Take care and keep us posted, because we really do care!!!!
It is so important that you are honest, you need to get this stuff out of you. Nothing you could ever say could make another person drink.Actually my experience has been the opposite. Many people have not ever taken another drink because family members were honest about the affects the alcoholic's drinking had on them. Many said this is what kept them from drinking. Please be honest, and when you get back home, go to an alanon meeting and pick up the book codependent no more, I believe these things could help you alot. Take care and keep us posted, because we really do care!!!!
Progress Not Perfection
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: "Further up and further in!"---C.S. Lewis
Posts: 563
Welcome!
Just wanted to add my support...I agree with what the others have stated. This is about YOU.
I had many of the same feelings you described before going to alanon...but in retrospect...it was one of the best decisions I ever made.
I think what you are finding here is that everyone wishes you would go and use it for your ultimate benefit...but I trust that you will go if you are ready...I remember what those feelings were like and I know I wouldn't have gone if I wasn't ready.
I trust you will make the best decision for yourself. Keep us posted on how it goes.
Glad to see you here.
Just wanted to add my support...I agree with what the others have stated. This is about YOU.
I had many of the same feelings you described before going to alanon...but in retrospect...it was one of the best decisions I ever made.
I think what you are finding here is that everyone wishes you would go and use it for your ultimate benefit...but I trust that you will go if you are ready...I remember what those feelings were like and I know I wouldn't have gone if I wasn't ready.
I trust you will make the best decision for yourself. Keep us posted on how it goes.
Glad to see you here.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 3
Thank You
I just want to thank all of you for your words of wisdom and support. I think you're all right. I just needed to hear that what I had to say (even the hurtful things) were good for my mom to hear. I really appreciate everyone's help.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by helperchild
What if I'm not sure I'm ready to heal for my own sake? What if by telling her the full ramification of her actions she is thrown into depression? or it just discourages her and puts a slow down or a stop on her progress in rehab? I know everyone will think I'm crazy but if she's better then I'm better (I know that's some form of co-dependent). In the end maybe it all comes down to being scared - scared of my feelings, scared of her reaction to my feelings, and scared of what it will mean when everything is just laid out on the table.
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