Sooooo...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 209
Sooooo...
I haven't posted anything in a while about my situation, just been doing a lot of reading about everyone else.
AH has been out of the house for 8 months now. He went back to an inpatient rehab the day after Christmas with no prodding from anyone, so of course I though this was it, he finally hit bottom. The day after he gets out he starts drinking again! Guess he just needed a place to stay for a couple of weeks. That night he throws a chair at me and is ordered to stay out of the house. He also went to a halfway house for a week and drank mouthwash the whole time he was there. Also, got drunk one day while he was out on a job.
One week after the court date for the chair incident he shows up at the house at 4:30AM to talk. Ok, I messed up and told him we could talk. So for 1 1/2 hours he tells me how much he wants to come home and how he'll stop drinking he just needs his family to support him. I tell him I'll have to think about him coming home (messed up again).
Later that morning we talk on the phone and I tell him that nothing has changed. I still need to see some action on his part. OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!! Talk about someone losin' it! I have never heard him so angry in all the years I've known him. He started cussing and calling me names (which I let him do as I recorded the whole conversation). Said he was going to sit in his chair, in his house and drink all the beer and smoke (which he just started doing...I don't smoke) all he wanted. Then he starts threatening to burn the house down, saying we could fight over the insurance money. At that point I had a coworker call my mom, who in turn called AH's dad. His dad brought 4 police cars and they told him to leave the house.
Later that day as I'm talking to my mom on the phone AH calls my workplace and tells one of my coworkers he's going to burn the house down and he's going to kill me. I called the police and made a report about the threats and had a warrant signed for his arrest. That night I stayed with my parents (our son stayed with his paternal grandparents).
Next night as my parents and I are getting ready for church, he calls their house. My dad thought it was my son and hands me the phone. Well, it's Ah wanting to know why I'm not staying at home. He then tells me he can kill me just as easily at my parents house as he can at ours. I hang up. This is 24 hours after he supposedly had time to cool off. I make another report and get another warrant signed.
He's arrested 6:00am Friday morning and out by 6:00pm that night. Oh yeah, got a protection order so he can't call me, come near me, etc. He had the nerve to tell our son that he didn't mean what he said. Yeah ok.
Sooooo...that's what's been going on.
Sue
AH has been out of the house for 8 months now. He went back to an inpatient rehab the day after Christmas with no prodding from anyone, so of course I though this was it, he finally hit bottom. The day after he gets out he starts drinking again! Guess he just needed a place to stay for a couple of weeks. That night he throws a chair at me and is ordered to stay out of the house. He also went to a halfway house for a week and drank mouthwash the whole time he was there. Also, got drunk one day while he was out on a job.
One week after the court date for the chair incident he shows up at the house at 4:30AM to talk. Ok, I messed up and told him we could talk. So for 1 1/2 hours he tells me how much he wants to come home and how he'll stop drinking he just needs his family to support him. I tell him I'll have to think about him coming home (messed up again).
Later that morning we talk on the phone and I tell him that nothing has changed. I still need to see some action on his part. OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!! Talk about someone losin' it! I have never heard him so angry in all the years I've known him. He started cussing and calling me names (which I let him do as I recorded the whole conversation). Said he was going to sit in his chair, in his house and drink all the beer and smoke (which he just started doing...I don't smoke) all he wanted. Then he starts threatening to burn the house down, saying we could fight over the insurance money. At that point I had a coworker call my mom, who in turn called AH's dad. His dad brought 4 police cars and they told him to leave the house.
Later that day as I'm talking to my mom on the phone AH calls my workplace and tells one of my coworkers he's going to burn the house down and he's going to kill me. I called the police and made a report about the threats and had a warrant signed for his arrest. That night I stayed with my parents (our son stayed with his paternal grandparents).
Next night as my parents and I are getting ready for church, he calls their house. My dad thought it was my son and hands me the phone. Well, it's Ah wanting to know why I'm not staying at home. He then tells me he can kill me just as easily at my parents house as he can at ours. I hang up. This is 24 hours after he supposedly had time to cool off. I make another report and get another warrant signed.
He's arrested 6:00am Friday morning and out by 6:00pm that night. Oh yeah, got a protection order so he can't call me, come near me, etc. He had the nerve to tell our son that he didn't mean what he said. Yeah ok.
Sooooo...that's what's been going on.
Sue
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
Wow Sue, I was going to say ''sorry to hear things haven't been going well'', but I think a congratulations is more appropriate! I think you handled his tyrade really well, you were strong, protected yourself and your son and are making real progress. I hope things are better now you have your protection order.
Sending you love...
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxx
Sending you love...
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 209
Thanks Lily! Now I need to figure out how I'm going to move on. Seeing as how nothing has changed in the past 8 months I know in my heart I should file for a divorce. But, geez it is so hard to move on. Fear of change has always been extemely hard for me, along with my fear of what people may think about me (yes I am a codie, bet you couldn't tell). And now with the protection order we can't have contact with each other so it's not like I can talk to him about it(not that talking has gotten us anywhere so far). He would just be served with the papers. Life should not be this hard.
Sue
Sue
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
(((Sue))) wow...sorry for all the drama (understatement) you've been dealing with.
You're right; life really shouldn't be this hard. Glad you are back. I find that putting one step in front of the other and taking each day as it comes,works for me when I have no idea what to "do". Some days I just ask HP (God) to please give me the faith to surrender it all,because even though I know I need to,I sometimes still resist.
Actually, you sound very peaceful and centered about this;I know that you may not feel that way but you seem to have been able to act in ways that are very difficult yet healthy. I commend you and thank you for being a wonderful example of recovery in action.
Sending you a big hug. Please keep us posted,as you can.
p.s. I am glad to see that evidently,at least in the situations you cited that your inlaws are being helpful and supportive to you and your son. I am so glad for that.
You're right; life really shouldn't be this hard. Glad you are back. I find that putting one step in front of the other and taking each day as it comes,works for me when I have no idea what to "do". Some days I just ask HP (God) to please give me the faith to surrender it all,because even though I know I need to,I sometimes still resist.
Actually, you sound very peaceful and centered about this;I know that you may not feel that way but you seem to have been able to act in ways that are very difficult yet healthy. I commend you and thank you for being a wonderful example of recovery in action.
Sending you a big hug. Please keep us posted,as you can.
p.s. I am glad to see that evidently,at least in the situations you cited that your inlaws are being helpful and supportive to you and your son. I am so glad for that.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: California
Posts: 303
So sad that a human being can treat someone so poorly. I don't care how mad someone is, how drunk, etc. To threaten to kill someone or threaten to burn down their house is complete insanity.
I'm so glad to hear that you have a protection order, and the support of your family.
Please keep us posted.
Shivaya
:ghug
I'm so glad to hear that you have a protection order, and the support of your family.
Please keep us posted.
Shivaya
:ghug
play the tape all the way thru
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 480
((((Sue))))
Wow sounds like you've dealt with a lot. Like someone else mentioned, you handle things very well.
There is no need to talk to him. I suggest talking to a lawyer. They will deal with all that for you.
My son's father and I haven't spoken in seven years. He too is abusive and an A. I decided a long time ago to just do everything that involved my son through my lawyer. Kept me a little sane not to have to talk to him anymore.
Take care
Wow sounds like you've dealt with a lot. Like someone else mentioned, you handle things very well.
There is no need to talk to him. I suggest talking to a lawyer. They will deal with all that for you.
My son's father and I haven't spoken in seven years. He too is abusive and an A. I decided a long time ago to just do everything that involved my son through my lawyer. Kept me a little sane not to have to talk to him anymore.
Take care
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
