My gal in recovery
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: ohio
Posts: 8
My gal in recovery
I haven't posted for quite some time, but here is the present situation and apprieciate any advice. My agf drug abuse (O.C.s) finally got to the point that I had give her the ultimatium to get help or get out. She chose help. I sent her to the watershed rehad in fla. and she is doing very well with her recovery. I am very proud of her and very much still love her. However today she told me on the phone today that she doesn't think she will come back to me because of the drug pressure from her old friends and drug buddies in this area, and is sorry if I end up hurt. This is so devistating for me I don't know what to do. She's been there for about 2 months and I'm hoping that she'll change her mind. do any of you have experience with anything like this. Why is it that nice guys finish last anyway? Thanks for your time.
Brian
Brian
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Brian, I hope you don't mind me replying. I've been on both sides of the fence, both as a recovering addict/alcoholic, and I was married to an addict/alcoholic, and have a 30 year old daughter who is active in addictions.
My situation was slightly different that yours as I had an abusive and psychotic husband waiting at home when I got out of rehab, so I had to start over in the same little town I went through rehab in (over 2 hours away from him).
I understand your being hurt, but I also hear your gf is trying to be honest with you on what she feels she can and can't handle when she gets out. It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her recovery. Recovery has to come first and foremost or anything else, including relationships are a moot point.
Yes, people can return to the same place and stay clean.
How much longer does she have in rehab?
My best suggestion would be to take it one day at a time, and turn the end result over to your higher power if you have one.
We often get upset over possible future events when really all we have is today. I can honestly say that 99% of the crap I worry about never comes true!
Does that make any sense?
My situation was slightly different that yours as I had an abusive and psychotic husband waiting at home when I got out of rehab, so I had to start over in the same little town I went through rehab in (over 2 hours away from him).
I understand your being hurt, but I also hear your gf is trying to be honest with you on what she feels she can and can't handle when she gets out. It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her recovery. Recovery has to come first and foremost or anything else, including relationships are a moot point.
Yes, people can return to the same place and stay clean.
How much longer does she have in rehab?
My best suggestion would be to take it one day at a time, and turn the end result over to your higher power if you have one.
We often get upset over possible future events when really all we have is today. I can honestly say that 99% of the crap I worry about never comes true!
Does that make any sense?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: ohio
Posts: 8
Not sure how much longer probably about another month in halfway house. I understand she has a lot of issues to deal with. I know things may change tomorrow but it hurts so bad today. Never thought I'd be a single father at 40 with a life dancing on the edge of falling apart.
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: homebased
Posts: 408
Your post showed me yet another consequence of addiction...
I am the parent of a recovering addict....
when we talk about the future with our son it is understood by all concerned that he could never return to our home/neighborhood etc...
it seems so necessary that he make a new life for himself...a new life removed from the people, places, triggers...
as parents, we embrace this decision enthusiastically but how sad if it meant leaving a spouse and/or children
I pray that you both find serenity in recovery
I am the parent of a recovering addict....
when we talk about the future with our son it is understood by all concerned that he could never return to our home/neighborhood etc...
it seems so necessary that he make a new life for himself...a new life removed from the people, places, triggers...
as parents, we embrace this decision enthusiastically but how sad if it meant leaving a spouse and/or children
I pray that you both find serenity in recovery
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 266
I am sorry you are hurting right now. I am a single parent also and I never thought I would be a single parent at the age of 25 then again at the age of 39. I have raised two sons on my own, it was hard exspecially since the 15 year I had because my xhusband what a son so bad.
He has always been an addict, I just did not know how bad he was until it was to late. You take your child and hold them close and do not let your sadness show. If she is not going to be happy or that she knows that her triggers are old friends and where she lived then you have to accept that and move on. She is not doing it to hurt you guys. She maybe doing it save her own life.
I have been trying to my exhusband to out of the State and back to the place he grew up. There is nothing here for him except us. But I would rather have him happy and safe then the way he is living now.
Take it on day at a time. Try to accept that maybe the only choice she has to stay sober, tell her you are proud of her. I am sure this was not an easy choice, but it is her choice and you may have to accept she will not becoming back to you.
He has always been an addict, I just did not know how bad he was until it was to late. You take your child and hold them close and do not let your sadness show. If she is not going to be happy or that she knows that her triggers are old friends and where she lived then you have to accept that and move on. She is not doing it to hurt you guys. She maybe doing it save her own life.
I have been trying to my exhusband to out of the State and back to the place he grew up. There is nothing here for him except us. But I would rather have him happy and safe then the way he is living now.
Take it on day at a time. Try to accept that maybe the only choice she has to stay sober, tell her you are proud of her. I am sure this was not an easy choice, but it is her choice and you may have to accept she will not becoming back to you.
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I'm so sorry you are hurting. I know it is really really difficult but I think she is realizing that she is battling for her life. Perhaps things will change down the road as she gets stronger in her recovery or perhaps a circumstance will change with you. I have learned on this journey both what freedom said...that most of what I project and future trip about doesn't occur, and also that many wonderful things that happened in my life happened after I experienced something I thought would be so painful and hard to get beyond. I really have learned that I have to put it in the hands of a power greater than me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: ohio
Posts: 8
I guess in my mind I thought that I could help her to find help, and when she was done I would be her knight in shining armour. I know that maybe this is the only way for her to stay sober and drug free. It's just that I intended to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her. I feel like the load god keeps piling on my back is going to break me in half. Been through the trajedy where's the comedy. Thanks for the comments and advice everyone I'll post again sometime.
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