LucyA

Been to my brothers house today, I don't go very often, I keep my distance really these days, but he's recently got a dog. A doberman, and I really wanted to make friends with the mutt before it gets to 10 stone and doesn't like strangers. Anyway, the dogs a cutie, just a pup now. But thats not what blew me away, while I was there I noticed a few things, his house stank, he had no milk for a cuppa, no food in the fridge and he's basically a mess. Everything is much worse than the last time I was there a few months ago. So I came home a litlle sad and down, because he's my baby brother (he's 38 but you know what I mean) and he's doing all this to himself, and I know me doing anything wont help him which is why I have to generally keep my distance. Anyway, I decide to tackle a massive pile of ironing and see the kids have left a radio in the kitchen, so I switched it on, something I wouldn't normally do at home during the day. It was on a radio station the kids listen to and the tune playing was He ain't heavy. I sang along for a while in shock, then I relised I was listening to the words in a different way to how I have before.
Part of it goes ' I'm strong, strong enough to carry him, he aint heavy, he's my brother' well, I realised I am strong, and I do carry him, but only in my heart now.
I don't know if this means anything to anyone else but I just needed to share. I've been sceptical about a HP and stuff, I feel like I've just had a revelation or something, I dunno who or what it is but I guess mine thought I needed to hear that tune today.

Lilyflower

That's a beautiful song, I think it can be applied to our brothers sisters husbands, whoever we know who is suffering right now. I am breaking up from my abf, and I know that I'll be carrying him in my heart for a while yet.

For anyone who doesn't know the song here are the words...


The Hollies He Ain't Heavy (He's My Brother)


The road is long, with many a winding turn
That lead us to who knows where, who knows where?
But I'm strong, strong enough to carry him - yeah
He ain't heavy - he's my brother

So long we go, his welfare is my concern
No burdon is he to bear, we'll get there
But I know he would not encumber me
He ain't heavy - he's my brother

If I'm leaving at all, if I'm leaving with sadness
that everyone's heart isn't filled with the gladness
of love for one another.

It's a long, long road, from which there is no return
While we're on the way to there, why not share?
And the long doesn't way me down at all
He ain't heavy - he's my brother

He's my brother - he ain't heavy - he's my brother ...

Lily xxxxxxxxxxx

Growing

I think I see from this post and earlier posts that you have detached from your brother in love!!!!!!!

Thank you for sharing your beautiful love that you have for your brother....IMHO, there will never be anything wrong with that! You are taking care of your needs and loving your brother in a way that will really help him in the long run.

If...and I say if...you are beginning to see/feel and HP...I fully support that. Maybe the song was confirmation in your heart that you were operating "in His Will" with your love and detachment....just my opinion...if I am off-base please discard.

Thank you again for sharing your love of him with us...I have a younger brother also...I will always love him unconditionally. I am grateful for the program that I choose to work...because I know if things ever get strained with him...I will know what to do and what not to do.

Loving your thread today! Thanks for brightening my day...Love that song also!

Thanks Lily for posting the lyrics.

Kindeyes

I've had similar things happen. A song comes on that seems to address my current situation. Or I open my daily Alanon reading to just any page......randomly open it....and there on that page is exactly what I needed at that specific moment. Is it coindidence? Or my HP? Either way I am grateful.

Thank you for sharing. There is pain and freedom in letting go.

LucyA

I think it was the way I reacted to the coincidence today that made it so different, a few weeks ago I'd have probably sung along crying my eyes out, or switched the radio off. Instead, for some reason, I saw it in a different light and you're right, instead of pain I felt free. It made me think and realise I'm doing the right thing, for me and my brother.

Lilyflower

Out of curiosity Lucy, is your nephew living with your brother? This really sounds like a poor place for him to grow up in if he is.

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxx

LucyA

Unfortunately yes he is, I agree it's a bad place and i have tried in the past to get social services to 'do something' for my nephew. Well, they did something, they phoned my brother and made an appointment for a home visit, so my mum went round and scrubbed the house for him. It's something I am working on though, and he is spending more and more time with me at my home. I hadn't realised how bad the house had got until today.

(We're almost neighbours btw Lilyflower)

Barbara52

Can you ask them to do a surprise visit so they see the reality of the home situation?

Lilyflower

I'm glad he has you so close by. I hope that you can get help for him. It sounds as though your mum is enabling. She must realise that she is not helping her grandson by tidying up though!? Anyway, he's lucky to have you for an auntie

Lily xxxxxxxxxx