Day 10...
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Searching my way thru this journey called life..
Posts: 149
Day 10...
Well day 10 without a beer, guess I should be excited but Im really not. You see my dilima is just that. I usually dont have a problem getting back to 10, 11, 12 days even a month or so. I do not usually go thru the normal withdrawl, oh I have to drink today kinda thing. Its diffrent with me. I will eventually have a beer or two with dinner or friends, or maybe go out with the wife to shoot some pool or something and we will drink and things will get back to pretty much normal with us and our drinking. Then be it a couple of weeks or a month or like last time almost 2 months of pretty normal drinking only on special occasions and weekends then bam it will happen. I will go on a week long bender and drink all day while my wife is at work and my son is at daycare. Then the hate starts, why did I do that, she is furious with me, I pass out before they get home so Im not giving my son the attention he deserves and needs, I spend money I dont have on and on... Then I will stop drinking that weekend cause she will be home all day from work and wont let me then for a couple weeks to a month of it and the cycle starts all over again.. I did see a therapist about this and he seemed to think there was a trigger causeing me to do this, that Im not letting myself be happy and its self distruction or something else deep down. Before we could get into it anymore than we did he got a job in another state and left. The guy that took his place was a hard nosed guy and said I had a problem and needed help, no digging around in my past or emotionally looking for answers just go to AA and realize I have a disease. I dont know what to believe anymore, I really wish the other therapist would have stuck around cause I really think he was helping me. Oh well, just wanted to get my story out, type it out so I could see it, I do not have a therapist anymore or close friends to even talk about this kind of stuff. Sorry its so long...
God is my benzo
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Charlotte, nc
Posts: 198
Trust me, your not so differant. I was the same way towards the end of my drinking. It's not how much or how often that you drink that makes you an alcoholic, it's what happens when you do.
My story was similar: I would stay dry for weeks, sometimes even months. My relationship with my wife would be good. Then I would decide to have a 6 pack, maybe a 12. Inevitably within a day or 2 I would be chuggin liquor, I'd be broke, my wife wouldn't speak to me. Then the guilt and shame would kick it, I'd decide to quit, which I would succeed at for a week or two then......
And the cycle continues.
It's common among alcoholics, at least I've found it to be common amongst the ones I know.
In the big book of aa it says (paraphrase) that once the alcoholic takes any alcohol whatsoever into his system the phenomenon of craving starts.
No one can tell you your an alcoholic but you. but in my experience, people who don't have problems with alcohol, never wonder if they have a problem with it.
food for thought
good luck man
My story was similar: I would stay dry for weeks, sometimes even months. My relationship with my wife would be good. Then I would decide to have a 6 pack, maybe a 12. Inevitably within a day or 2 I would be chuggin liquor, I'd be broke, my wife wouldn't speak to me. Then the guilt and shame would kick it, I'd decide to quit, which I would succeed at for a week or two then......
And the cycle continues.
It's common among alcoholics, at least I've found it to be common amongst the ones I know.
In the big book of aa it says (paraphrase) that once the alcoholic takes any alcohol whatsoever into his system the phenomenon of craving starts.
No one can tell you your an alcoholic but you. but in my experience, people who don't have problems with alcohol, never wonder if they have a problem with it.
food for thought
good luck man
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
or close friends to even talk about this kind of stuf..
a noon AA meeting.
A friend asked me to come
and share with her.
Blessings to you and your family
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 170
I was never a guy to stop and ask for directions. I’d get lost and drive around for hours thinking I’d figure it out. Sometimes I’d make it and other times I’d fail miserably. This was kind of like my drinking it seemed more important to find my own way rather to ask someone who already knew the way. That’s really what it came down to because I could sober up off and on and show up occasionally but as soon as I picked up all bets were off.
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous and I got a sponsor who had already gone down the roads that I have traveled. This guy knew a better way and I followed him. Today I don’t have to pick up that first drink and if I don’t pick up that first drink I don’t get drunk.
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous and I got a sponsor who had already gone down the roads that I have traveled. This guy knew a better way and I followed him. Today I don’t have to pick up that first drink and if I don’t pick up that first drink I don’t get drunk.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 5
Hi searching,
you don't sound much different than me or 29A as I was able to quit for periods of time and rebound. The problem I found for me was that I never could remember how bad it was last time that I went on a binge so there was nothing to keep from doing it again. I'm at the end of my ropes finally and got some help last night and will continue to do whatever it takes. I think 29A said something key "It's not how much or how often that you drink that makes you an alcoholic, it's what happens when you do." This rings true to me because when I drink, nothing else matters. I don't eat, groom myself, I spend money I don't have to spend, I don't care about anyone else. I know this is not what I am like when I'm sober so why do I do this over and over? Alcoholic....
you don't sound much different than me or 29A as I was able to quit for periods of time and rebound. The problem I found for me was that I never could remember how bad it was last time that I went on a binge so there was nothing to keep from doing it again. I'm at the end of my ropes finally and got some help last night and will continue to do whatever it takes. I think 29A said something key "It's not how much or how often that you drink that makes you an alcoholic, it's what happens when you do." This rings true to me because when I drink, nothing else matters. I don't eat, groom myself, I spend money I don't have to spend, I don't care about anyone else. I know this is not what I am like when I'm sober so why do I do this over and over? Alcoholic....
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Searching my way thru this journey called life..
Posts: 149
thanks again guys.. cstphoenix and 29a our stories do sound familier and the "It's not how much or how often that you drink that makes you an alcoholic, it's what happens when you do." is such a good statement. You have given me much to chew on and I thank you so much for this... day 12 by the way..
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Michigan -- Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Posts: 325
Congrats on Day 12, Searching...
I'm with ya. I'm *very* xcited about my Day 30 Today... and at the same time, trying not to feel silly about it. It's not like I've never drank for 30 days before, as I've said. It's just that I've never done it with the intention of really looking at myself and my problems and working on me...
SR and AA have given me some amazing tools -- and the biggest are information and support -- 2 things I wouldn't have without them.
Today, I'm excited to be sober for 30 days because it really MEANS something - to me. I can see, even if it's only in small ways, changes... an I like those changes.
Hopefully in these 12 days of yours, you're seeing something you like,too. Something to give you hope... something that says that this just MIGHT be the way back into loving yourself... For me, that's something to be excited bout.
HuGGGGGGGGGGGs~
~C
I'm with ya. I'm *very* xcited about my Day 30 Today... and at the same time, trying not to feel silly about it. It's not like I've never drank for 30 days before, as I've said. It's just that I've never done it with the intention of really looking at myself and my problems and working on me...
SR and AA have given me some amazing tools -- and the biggest are information and support -- 2 things I wouldn't have without them.
Today, I'm excited to be sober for 30 days because it really MEANS something - to me. I can see, even if it's only in small ways, changes... an I like those changes.
Hopefully in these 12 days of yours, you're seeing something you like,too. Something to give you hope... something that says that this just MIGHT be the way back into loving yourself... For me, that's something to be excited bout.
HuGGGGGGGGGGGs~
~C
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
searching my story at one stage of my drinking was like yours, my experience has proven doctors to be correct when they say that alcoholism is a progressive disease, it never gets better, it always gets worse as long as we drink.
I spent a lot of years drinking just the way you described, as the years went by I found myself not being able to stay sober for shorter and shorter time frames. I kept trying to stay stopped my way for about 5 years and finally my disease progressed to the point I had to drink every day. The last 5 years I drank I drank every day, not because I wanted to, but because I had to!!!!
When I finally realized that if I did not quit drinking I was going to die I had no idea what to do. I saw a doctor who specialized in alcoholism and drug addiction, he told me I needed to go into detox!
In detox they told me if I wanted a chance to stay sober I needed to go to at least 90 AA meetiings in 90 days and get a sponsor.
In AA after I got a sponsor and was going to meeting I learned that if I wanted a chance at staying sober I needed to work the steps with a sponsor.
Well today I can honestly say that my obsession/urge to drink has been lifted thanks to having worked the steps of AA and the fellowship of AA.
I am happy, joyous, free, & happier then I have been in over 30 years!
I spent a lot of years drinking just the way you described, as the years went by I found myself not being able to stay sober for shorter and shorter time frames. I kept trying to stay stopped my way for about 5 years and finally my disease progressed to the point I had to drink every day. The last 5 years I drank I drank every day, not because I wanted to, but because I had to!!!!
When I finally realized that if I did not quit drinking I was going to die I had no idea what to do. I saw a doctor who specialized in alcoholism and drug addiction, he told me I needed to go into detox!
In detox they told me if I wanted a chance to stay sober I needed to go to at least 90 AA meetiings in 90 days and get a sponsor.
In AA after I got a sponsor and was going to meeting I learned that if I wanted a chance at staying sober I needed to work the steps with a sponsor.
Well today I can honestly say that my obsession/urge to drink has been lifted thanks to having worked the steps of AA and the fellowship of AA.
I am happy, joyous, free, & happier then I have been in over 30 years!
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Searching my way thru this journey called life..
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felly79 I saw where you posted this in another post and my first therapist had said the same thing.
"My therapist says that my drinking problem has to do with current stress and past traumas. You might want to look into these types of things to find your triggers."
its good to hear from others that have heard the same thing I have. Hugs back at ya...
"My therapist says that my drinking problem has to do with current stress and past traumas. You might want to look into these types of things to find your triggers."
its good to hear from others that have heard the same thing I have. Hugs back at ya...
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Old Home Terra
Posts: 4,272
Likewise, the average drinker is unable comfortably to drink more than a few beers, a glass or two of wine, or several mixed drinks. The benefits of drinking are usually available only with low doses of alcohol, and when sedation begins to override the stimulation, the average drinker ceases drinking. Another deterrent is the toxic effect of several drinks in the normal drinker -- the nausea, dizziness, sweating, and other unpleasant sensations.
Alcoholics develop an increased physical resistance to alcohol's effects (called "tolerance"), and some can drink many times more than nonalcoholics while continuing to behave as if they were on their first few drinks. Thus alcohol remains stimulating and pleasurable for alcoholics even after they have drunk amounts which would cause nonalcoholics acute discomfort.
Only rarely, however, will a normal, nonalcoholic drinker take in enough alcohol to lose consciousness. This is fortunate, for alcohol taken in large enough quantities to cause unconsciousness is dangerously near the amount needed to paralyze the respiratory center, shut off the breathing aparatus, and kill the drinker.
At some point, however, the drinking patterns of both groups begin to diverge. The alcoholic starts to drink more, and more often. He does not want to stop drinking once he has started.
The critical point, however, is this: the preliminary adaptation begins before the alcoholic starts drinking heavily and, in fact, causes the heavier drinking. Adaptation does not occur because a person drinks too much. On the contrary, when a person starts drinking more, and more often, and the pattern persists, he is displaying one of the first symptoms of alcoholism.
Tolerance is actually responsible for the alcoholic's continued and increasingly large intake of alcohol. In fact, an increase in the amount and frequency of drinking is the typical symptom of a developing tolerance to alcohol and one of the first warning signs of alcoholism.
By drinking continuously but never overdrinking, he attempts to hold on to the benefits of drinking while forestalling the penalties. Tragically, the alcoholic can only temporarily control his drinking behavior.
Alcoholics feel physically wretched during a hangover, but they also feel deeply and profoundly ashamed. From past experience, they know better, but they got drunk anyway -- why? Ignorant of the powerful workings of the addiction, the alcoholic can only blame himself. Remorse, self-loathing, and guilt therefore go hand in hand with the throbbing headache and queasy stomach ... "... the emotional pain which accompanies them -- the guilt, anxiety, self-accusation, the sense of hopelessness and despair ..." ... a very real and very painful physiological disorder.
He begins to feel shame and remorse when he repeatedly fails in his efforts to stop drinking or control his intake. He cannot make good his intentions to drink as everyone else does, and this personal failure causes great guilt and despair. The alcoholic believes that he should be able to control himself by a sheer force of will. He does not know that the physical addiction is in command of his every thought and action and subverts his persistent efforts to control it.
... The alcoholic's most cherished values -- his honesty, integrity, self-discipline, even his love for his family -- are repeatedly overthrown because he cannot reliably predict or control his own drinking behavior. Any normal human being would feel disgust and self-loathing at this seemingly pathetic inability to exert control and exercise will power; and so does the alcoholic, who may be normal in every respect except his reaction to alcohol.
The alcoholic's guilt, depression, self-loathing , and despair are therefore understandable reactions to a bewildering and mysterious inability to stop the ravages of drinking. Neither the alcoholic nor those around him know that his cells have become abnormal, for the physical dependence and cellular addiction have worked inside him for months or perhaps years, invisible and unnoticed. No wonder the alcoholic believes he is weak-willed and pathetic. No wonder many of the people who observe his behavior believe that he is psychologically unstable, self-destructive, and perhaps suicidal. Without an understanding or knowledge of his addiction, they have no way of knowing that the alcoholic's irrational behavior is beyond his control.
The middle-stage alcoholic has probably been having blackouts from time to time. Blackouts are a very distinctive feature of alcoholism, and one symptom that clearly distinguishes alcoholics from non-alcoholics. The events which occur during an alcoholic blackout are not forgotten; they are simply not stored or are imperfectly stored in the brain. There is nothing there to be recalled later.
Blackouts can be so frightening that they make the alcoholic question his sanity. For the first time he may realize that he is in deep trouble with alcohol. Despite his increasing problems, however, the middle-stage alcoholic rarely considers giving up drinking...
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Old Home Terra
Posts: 4,272
Goodwin's studies provide compelling evidence that alcoholics do not drink addictively because they are depressed, lonely, immature, or dissatisfied. They drink addictively because they have inherited a physical susceptibility to alcohol which results in addiction if they drink.
Furthermore, this evidence has profound implications for treatment. While it may be possible to teach the problem drinker how to drink in a more responsible way, the alcoholic's drinking is controlled by physiological factors which cannot be altered through psychological methods such as counseling, threats, punishment, or reward.
Furthermore, this evidence has profound implications for treatment. While it may be possible to teach the problem drinker how to drink in a more responsible way, the alcoholic's drinking is controlled by physiological factors which cannot be altered through psychological methods such as counseling, threats, punishment, or reward.
When you're so busy trudging through the ever-deepening slimey muck that you force yourself to endure, its really hard to see the monkey that's on your shoulders steering you by your ears. All you know is that tail whipping at your back and the constant shrieking.
Evil monkey.
Evil monkey.
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