chica24

I'm kinda new to any kinda thing like this, but I have been looking all over the internet for anyone who could possibly be like me. I'm 19 years old and have only been smoking weed for about 2 years. It was always a causal thing when I first started, something I did with my friends. But about a year ago, things changed.

I went out with a drug dealer for a couple of months and during that time all I did was smoke and have sex. That is all I did. Occassionally, I dabbled into cocaine but I never made it a habit. I used drugs to make myself feel beautiful and consequently, thought sex would seal the deed of me feeling good about myself.

As quickly as the romance with the drug dealer started, it ended when he went to jail. After he was out of my life, I started to change. I'm in college, and I was doing good in school, the whole thing.

But after yet another messy breakup a couple of months ago, I began using pot again very heavily. I never used to smoke by myself, and now I do it every single day. The only time I go out in a social setting is either to find pot or hook up with a guy. As you can see my problems revolve around both.

I'm not really sure where to turn now. I know my behavior is wrong. I know I have chemical imbalances in my head that contribute to the choices I've made. I've been on medication for anixety and depression, and have been diagnoised with being hypersexual.

I was a late bloomer, I lost my virginity to a friend, not a love. For as long as I have been sexually active, drugs have been the main source. I smoke to numb, and have sex to continue the numbing.

I dont know if anyone can really understand this. It sounds crazy, I know. But my life is out of control. I am always sad and not matter how many x i pop or pot i smoke, things don't get better. They just numb for a little while, which in my eyes is better than nothing.

I want to get off this path I am on. And I know I need to ask for help, but depression has been something plaguing me since I was 13. And it seems every time I ask for help, I always manage the problem but never solve it. The people in my life are getting fed up with me, which is just causing me to pull further away from them and hide the problem. I just needed somewhere to vent it all out.

UniversityGirl

Hello,

I can really relate to your post. I have nothing useful to say, just wanted you to know you are not alone. It doesn't sound crazy. it does sound like you are overwhelmed and hurting.

I had never really considered that I use sex to numb out, but after reading what you wrote.... I can sooooo relate. I, too, use sex in that way, I just hadn't really realized it. Sigh.

I hope things will seem lighter to you soon.

justaround71

You're gonna have to quit the dope before you can begin to deal with the sex addiction and emotional problems. Anti-depressants and other meds won't work as long as you are smoking weed. I wouldn't suggest touching ecstasy if you are having problems keeping to yourself and keeping your moods in balance. The majority of pills don't even contain MDMA, there are some that contain prozac, heroin, hallucinigenics, cough medicine, prescription drugs, new experimental lab chems, and a drug called PMA known under the street name "death" because 2 pills can kill you. What if it so happened the night you got some of those pills and decided you were going take two at once. The chemicals contained in pills that have been tested at clubs/raves and so forth can be found at ecstasydata.org or dancesafe.org. You know pills aren't gonna help control those urges anyway. Have you ever considered therapy? A counselor or psychologist? Have you ever been to an N.A. meeting? You might want to

phoenix

Jordan gave you some good suggestions.The first thing is to get the drugs out of your system,and NA meetings can definitely help you do that.Use caution at the meetings, and stick with the women who are working a good program.Resist the urge to hook up with guys at the meetings.It can seem lonesome at times,but you really need time to work on yourself.

Counseling can probably help with the other issues.I can tell you that it is possible to get clean/sober and deal with depression and anxiety.It's been a problem for me as well.But it is very treatable.Once you get a handle on the depression,and start working the NA steps,I think you will find it much easier to stay out of unhealthy relationships.Start now,by believing that you are worth it.You deserve a good life,and you can do this.Keep posting

Hugs

phoenix

DIEFOROCK

chica 24,

I am a new member that is in the exact same spot as you. It's just ivebeen smoking for 5 years now. dont feel to messed up, if i dont smoke i hurt the ones closest to me (family) and i hate it. I hate that i'm trapped by a bag, and ive dont it for so long its really all i know now. i dont have any friends anymore and by friends i mean true friends. I come from a good home and i've managed to mess it all up. I think back at what i could have been and sigh. i feel absolutley terrible that i've brought this upon myself. i have an extreme chemical inbalance that i've managed to hide for four years. My parents are oblivious to my problems and im afraid to tell them. ive never been a face to face venter i vent through music and text. Its nice to know that people have experience nearly the same thing. Im just wondering if you have had any success and maybe some guidence on how i can be helped. i hope somebody helps quick i dont know how much more of this i can take.

Peter

If you can control your addictions long enough to work with a therapist or even go to some NA meetings you might be able to gain some valuable insight on why it is you need to numb yourself.

Understanding where your feelings of low self esteem originated is the first step to doing something about your problem.

You cannot work on your issues when you are high.

A support group like NA could help you endure those early days of recovery long enough for you to begin to see things more clearly.

nutz

You can attend NA in your community.
There's plenty of peaple that's gone though want you gone through.
They found a way out and a new way to live without drugs and
other bad habits.
I used to be a pot head during my teenage years.
I thought it was just a faze or it was all of my friends did.
The disease of addiction progessed and I used heavier and stronger
drugs and did things I thought I would never do.
I had a miss conception of what an addict is or what addiction is.

I suggest getting The NA basic Text Book.
Educate yourself to this or read the book at least once,
it might save your life. Or you can read other books,
never the less inform yourself as much as you can.
It will be your armor against the disease of addiction.

God bless