obsessed

:prayingMy 18 year old AD came by Thursday afternoon, and I told her not to come back. I stayed at a friends Thursday night and when I got up Friday morning I had 16 missed calls and 1 text from her telling me she was home, same stuff, she is through with it all........ Well, when I got home she told me she had left our house key with a drug dealer until she came up with $50!!! I went nuts then took a nap....when I got up I asked if she had my key she said no!!! I told her to get her **** and get out of my house...I live with my 85 year old grandmother, During all of this I called in dinner for me and my grandmother and did not ask her if she wanted anything...then my mother gets here and Lauren brought the key back, I told her when she left she had 1 hour or I was going to the sheriffs dept and would tell them everything I knew. So she brought it and informs me she is going to do a half or an ounce I can't remember that but I told her to have at!! She said she has nowhere else to go, I again told her that was not my problem!! She then texted and asked for money she was hungry, I told her again I was sorry but not my problem. So she texts my mother and her and my grandmother gave her friend money to give to her. I had gave her the money to pay the drug dealer but made her give it back to me. But now I am the bad guy to my family but I really don't care. Lauren looks awful, but she is the one that can fix this but I refuse to let her back in my house and that cell phone steadily ringing with either calls or text messages from those peoplethat is just disrespectful to me and I refuse to play this game anymore with her!!! I have never done that before to her but she screwed up when she gave te key to some meth dealer!!!! I never dreamed it would go this far but nothing shocks me anymore. my mother is convinced she is sleeping in her car, there was a quilt in the backseat, I said well she has 2 choices...she can sleep in her car or a rehab and thats is all I am offering at this point!!! I tried to explain to my mother that those people could have came in this house and stole everything, raped my grandmother or beat her but its like it does not sink in with her!!!!! But all I get is if she is hungry I am going to give her money. I was like thanks for backing me up!!! But I can't thins time!!! I feel different this time for some reason but just hopes she knows I do love her but can't let her drag me in the middle of this!!! Please tell me I am doing the right thing!!

Ann

You ARE doing the right thing, and it's still right no matter how much anyone else messes it up.

Stick to your own truth, stick to what is right for you and detach from those you cannot "fix". It's the only way to stay sane and not get dragged under with them.

Hugs

bookmiser

Oh, Obsessed. You are doing the right thing sweetie.
Hurts like all get out, but it's the right thing to do at this point.
You need to turn off your phone. The more you see the messages, the
more your sucked into the situation. My G*d! She gave the house key to
a known drug dealer? Sounds like something my idiotic son would have done
in his using days. I beg of you to detach as far from possible at this point.
She's spiraling downward and she's gonna take everyone along with her, if
she's permitted. That's what addicts do.
Do yourself and your daughter a hugh favor.....detach.
We care so much about you here. You need to start caring enough for yourself to just say, "NO MORE"!
All said with love, understanding, and prayers,
Linda
(((((((((Obsessed))))))))))

Serenity_Seeker

Yes...I think you are doing whay needs to be done.

Perhaps you could suggest to grandmother....if you feel she is hungry....and you want to help....consider buying her some food....INSTEAD... of giving her money, which will be used for drugs.

PacNorwesterner

You might want to think about changing the locks, too. It is possible that the dealer made a copy of the key.

obsessed

The man is here now rekeying the locks!! I was concerned about that!!! So $80 later...we have new keys!!!!! When my grandfather passed away we had the security doors installed for my grandmother..this was before the meth monster came into to be known to us!!

PacNorwesterner

Good girl! Stay safe.

greeteachday

I'm glad you changed the locks...that thought entered my mind reading your post too.

It stinks when other people haven't gotten it yet,and continue to enable, but Yes, Yes, Yes, you are doing the right thing. Remember when you are on a plane, the instructions are to put the oxygen mask on yourself before trying to "help" anyone else. You are acting to protect yourself physically and emotionally; you're protecting your grandmother too. Truth is that saying no as you have helps her in the long run, too, no matter how many texts and calls and manipulations she tries. "No" truly is a complete sentence. Mom to mom hugs and lots of prayers for all of you.

marle

Continue to say no to the addiction. Right now your daughter really doesn't care as much about your love as her ability to use you as Plan B. So protect yourself and let her do what she needs to do. Take care and hugs from one mom to another. Marle

Miss Pink

YOUR'E DOING THE NEXT RIGHT THINGYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

peaceteach

Obsessed,
I am learning from YOU today. Your just-say-no post helped me this very minute with my own AS as he dared to YELL at me for not giving him $20! I said, Are you actually yelling at me to give YOU money? Are you kidding?
Thanks, sister. I learn every day from this sight how to be strong against the fury of addiction. You are my rock today. Stay strong-for yourself and for your followers here.
Love and prayers....

just for today

Sometime we just get filled up and can hold no more....it has nothing to do with the love of our children, it becomes a point of survival, both yours and your AD.....your AD manages to get her fix, she can manage to get food when hungry....yes, you are doing the right thing and no matter what anyone else says or does, stay strong....there is great support here from other parents that have had to make these same hard decisions.....

Spiritual Seeker

YES, Yes, yes you can not have this addict who use to be your daughter in your home.
You can not put your things, and your lives in harm's way.
Yes, this is not behav. that can be tolerated another day. Good for you for knowing what to do.
I know it is stressful and sorry you have to go through this. We stand togehter.
((((((((((((((((((((((obsessed ))))))))))))))))))))))))))

mooselips

I can understand them thinking they are "helping" her, but perhaps you could explain to them what happens when they give cash.
If she says she is hungry, your mother could have her come there to eat, or buy her groceries, instead of giving her cash. Ya think that would work, if you speak with them?

Maybe they don't understand they they are financing her drugs.


Hugs, you're doing great.

Easeful

I hear and feel you hurt for what's going on with your daughter and your concern about other family members enabling her. But I'm confused. You were very concrend that your daughter had left your house key with a dealer because they could have come in and raped and robbed, but when she returned it you're ok? Maybe I'm paranoid, but I'd be concerned that copies of the key had been made.

Easeful

oops, my bad. Just read your post about rekeying the locks. Seems like a very good idea to me.

Impurrfect

((((obsessed)))))

I'm sorry that Lauren is continuing on a downward spiral, but I think you did great! I know it has to be hard, so sending you lots of hugs and prayers!

I'm glad you got the locks changed....that was the first thing that entered my brain.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

caileesnana

It's hard to fight the addcition and other family members who are trying to "help". You did great. Maybe you could tell grandmother she is helping kill Lauren every time she slips her money. When my mom heard that, she started to think and is now on the same page.

love and hugs,
susan

rubycanoe

Maybe you can tell them to buy her some ramen noodles, and some cans of beans and corn, instead of giving her money? I messed up too by sending money to my stepdaughter addict. (meth). I found out she had been in jail and tested positive for pot. So I made the decision, no more money. I will send her a box of ramen noodles if I think she is starving, but no more money, she will probably just buy drugs, pot if not meth.