Lonely
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Northern California
Posts: 37
Lonely
Is it normal through all this, to feel like someone is (everyone) is trying to sabotage you?
I am making my official quit date next Saturday. But in the mean time, while I am trying to process HOW hard, and how scary soberness is, I feel like, the family is just doing things to make me drink more.
I'm pretty sure that they aren't but they know when I am going down, and everyone has to push the extra buttons. (Actually, my little one, is better when I am down, she HATES me sober, because I am a more diligent parent) and when I parent her, she can get violent and mouthy, but when I am in the toilet so to speak, she does her regular chores and all her homework almost without me asking.
My man thing found me crying last night, I couldn't even tell him what was up, because of how toasted I was.
I just knew I would fight if I did. So, I told a partial truth, that it was the drinking.
Ohh, this is going to be SO hard. My family is gonna be a wreck for months. I pray I can do this.
I started when I was 27, hanging out with vounteer construction workers when my ex husband tried to burn down my house...I was newly divorced, (still in the process really) and had a full time job, 2 kids, my chickens, dogs, looking for a new goat, I was in college (only about 12 units left to finish), and then...I didn't have the job, I didn't have college, I lost my grants, I had a wrecked home, that I eventually had to sell, because I couldn't afford buy out...I had my kids, was down to one dog, (the other started biting everyone after the fire, it was REALLY sad) never got that goat, and gave away the chickens. All I had, was 25k, my kids, and my beer.
Now, I am 32, and that is all I still have. Though the trailer I bought with the 25k is depriciating, I still have it. Now I have a wonderful man, and I thought THAT would change me.
I want life back. I haven't had a real job in 5 flippin years. I want my education, and more importantly, I want to be me, all the time, not just 'till 3pm....I feel so alone, I don't even have me to lean on after that. :puppet
I am making my official quit date next Saturday. But in the mean time, while I am trying to process HOW hard, and how scary soberness is, I feel like, the family is just doing things to make me drink more.
I'm pretty sure that they aren't but they know when I am going down, and everyone has to push the extra buttons. (Actually, my little one, is better when I am down, she HATES me sober, because I am a more diligent parent) and when I parent her, she can get violent and mouthy, but when I am in the toilet so to speak, she does her regular chores and all her homework almost without me asking.
My man thing found me crying last night, I couldn't even tell him what was up, because of how toasted I was.
I just knew I would fight if I did. So, I told a partial truth, that it was the drinking.Ohh, this is going to be SO hard. My family is gonna be a wreck for months. I pray I can do this.
I started when I was 27, hanging out with vounteer construction workers when my ex husband tried to burn down my house...I was newly divorced, (still in the process really) and had a full time job, 2 kids, my chickens, dogs, looking for a new goat, I was in college (only about 12 units left to finish), and then...I didn't have the job, I didn't have college, I lost my grants, I had a wrecked home, that I eventually had to sell, because I couldn't afford buy out...I had my kids, was down to one dog, (the other started biting everyone after the fire, it was REALLY sad) never got that goat, and gave away the chickens. All I had, was 25k, my kids, and my beer.
Now, I am 32, and that is all I still have. Though the trailer I bought with the 25k is depriciating, I still have it. Now I have a wonderful man, and I thought THAT would change me.
I want life back. I haven't had a real job in 5 flippin years. I want my education, and more importantly, I want to be me, all the time, not just 'till 3pm....I feel so alone, I don't even have me to lean on after that. :puppet
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
Actually, we pretty much tend to sabotage ourselves, especially where our drinking is concerned. You're better off than a lot of folks, in that you still have your kids, a roof over your head, and a significant other. It could be much worse, and it probably will be, if you don't get off the roller-coaster now.
Why wait until next Saturday, may I ask? No time like the present! We, at Sober Recovery...and AA, too, if you'll let them...will help you through it. No need to feel "alone", ever again!!!
I am making my official quit date next Saturday.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
I'm with Jersey...why wait till next Saturday?...I have kids also and I remember thinking how hard the first few months of my sobriety would be on them...NOT SO! It didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would for any of us to adjust...and now, God willing, they have a life time of me being sober to look forward to. No matter what you decide about your quit date, keep posting...we are all here for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Northern California
Posts: 37
Ok guys, I don't know why, but that was the hardest question anyone asked me....
Then, I looked down at the date. Ironically, it is my baby sisters 20th b-day. So, I thought hmm big sis could give little sis a dang good bday present huh?
I don't know. I guess, I am thinking it is like quiting cigarettes or something. Clean out the house, get the "entertainment" to hold me over, take the recycling in so I don't have all those little reminder bottles out there...so on and so forth. I am starting though to realize that alcohol lies are more twisted than nicotine.
I am too far out of town to get to meetings(at least for the moment with only one running car), and I am fairly antisocial (always have been, even before the booze). I also came here, because if I do find my way to AA I am NOT ready yet for that..not quite.
Ohh it is so difficult. the more I think about quitting the more I think about the buggers out there calling, and DAMN I HATE THIS!!! (I haven't went for one yet today..but it is SO TEMPTING!
Then, I looked down at the date. Ironically, it is my baby sisters 20th b-day. So, I thought hmm big sis could give little sis a dang good bday present huh?
I don't know. I guess, I am thinking it is like quiting cigarettes or something. Clean out the house, get the "entertainment" to hold me over, take the recycling in so I don't have all those little reminder bottles out there...so on and so forth. I am starting though to realize that alcohol lies are more twisted than nicotine.
I am too far out of town to get to meetings(at least for the moment with only one running car), and I am fairly antisocial (always have been, even before the booze). I also came here, because if I do find my way to AA I am NOT ready yet for that..not quite.
Ohh it is so difficult. the more I think about quitting the more I think about the buggers out there calling, and DAMN I HATE THIS!!! (I haven't went for one yet today..but it is SO TEMPTING!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Northern California
Posts: 37
For a couple reasons (excuses? or a combo of both) I suppose I feel that I can't throw it away...That WOULD cause a fight..though, in the long run, it would be forgotten. My manthing wants me better, but isn't on board with knowing how hard it is yet...eg.he has just recently learned about some of the withdrawal symptoms...
For two, I have had those "sober days by force" and I know what I need to get through them...I have my gatorade, but none of the vitamins, and none of the snacks...
# 2 seems more valid...because without that, I would just go hit the corner store as soon as the other car was home.
Am I nuts? or is it better to prepare for it? As far as next week (as a good start day). I won't have many responsibilities for 10 days. Until then, I have things I HAVE to remember. With the fog, I forget EVERYTHING! I either sleep, or, crochet and before I know it, the day is gone and I am laying back in bed going, ")(@*$ I forgot to (fill in blank). *Adds to prep list, get yarn*...
If I can gather some of my ducks, I KNOW I could get farther!
For two, I have had those "sober days by force" and I know what I need to get through them...I have my gatorade, but none of the vitamins, and none of the snacks...
# 2 seems more valid...because without that, I would just go hit the corner store as soon as the other car was home.
Am I nuts? or is it better to prepare for it? As far as next week (as a good start day). I won't have many responsibilities for 10 days. Until then, I have things I HAVE to remember. With the fog, I forget EVERYTHING! I either sleep, or, crochet and before I know it, the day is gone and I am laying back in bed going, ")(@*$ I forgot to (fill in blank). *Adds to prep list, get yarn*...
If I can gather some of my ducks, I KNOW I could get farther!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,056
For 27 years I had one reason after another for not quitting.
I finally found the right reason. Every time I picked up a drink I was making the decision to give away my marriage, home, 24/7 time with my children, friends, family. I didn't lose a thing, I gave it all away.
Today is as good a day as any to stop.
I finally found the right reason. Every time I picked up a drink I was making the decision to give away my marriage, home, 24/7 time with my children, friends, family. I didn't lose a thing, I gave it all away.
Today is as good a day as any to stop.
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
Today is the first day of the rest of your life! Make it a day without booze!
If you need a ride to meetings, call your local AA hotline! AA people are actually willing to help those who want to quit get to meetings...honest! You can continue to look for excuses, but it will only prolong the inevitable!
If you need a ride to meetings, call your local AA hotline! AA people are actually willing to help those who want to quit get to meetings...honest! You can continue to look for excuses, but it will only prolong the inevitable!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: St. Louis Mo
Posts: 22
One thing to remember.. We are never alone. There are plenty of people who love you and care for you. Read all the responses for example. People care about you enough to take their precious time to help you with your issue.
Universe (God, Budda whatever you want to adress the Grand one) is looking out for you all the time. I believe everything happens for some reason. I know it is difficult to admit when you are in the middle of chaos. Universe guide you and don't want you to suffer. I am newbie here. I think I am meant to be here. There is no coincidence.
We all have issues. I am so happy I found SR and try to get as much help as I can and I can give it back someday. I feel like babbling.. You will be in my prayer. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Universe (God, Budda whatever you want to adress the Grand one) is looking out for you all the time. I believe everything happens for some reason. I know it is difficult to admit when you are in the middle of chaos. Universe guide you and don't want you to suffer. I am newbie here. I think I am meant to be here. There is no coincidence.
We all have issues. I am so happy I found SR and try to get as much help as I can and I can give it back someday. I feel like babbling.. You will be in my prayer. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Hamilton, MT.
Posts: 7
Hi, How do you know that you'll be able to stop on Saturday? I'm a binge drinker and the only time I stop after starting a binge is when I get so sick I can't get up to go to the store for more. If I was able to, while I was still drinking, to get more I would keep drinking. What I'm not doing a very good job saying is that if you can stop right now then now is the time, not Sat. Don't give up.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
I agree with the others - why wait?
Start now, there will always be an excuse to put it off.
It's never going to be easy, no matter how much preparation you can do. And for me, it was a change in most everything in my life. Beginning recovery for me, was beginning to be honest, to live for myself, to find a reason for living.
Get rid of the alcohol in the house and do this for yourself, regardless of what anyone else in your life things about it.
Start now, there will always be an excuse to put it off.
It's never going to be easy, no matter how much preparation you can do. And for me, it was a change in most everything in my life. Beginning recovery for me, was beginning to be honest, to live for myself, to find a reason for living.
Get rid of the alcohol in the house and do this for yourself, regardless of what anyone else in your life things about it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Northern California
Posts: 37
I don't know if I can quit today, tomorrow, or next week. (I am finally getting the grip on RIGHT NOW).
I just looked at what is happening in life, and I know I have no commitments for 10 days. Enough to get through what I am learning is a hard detox period. The only social engagement I have is next Saturday, and that is to go meet my manthings, little brother.
He is returning home from prison...DUI, I think his third one. I KNOW there will be no drinking at that party. I am not driving home, I can't stop anywhere on the way.
The hard part NOW, is, I keep reading posts, and I know you're all right. I gathered firewood this weekend, my manthing, ran the saw, I loaded it, and did it in 2 feet of snow, not pleasant (up to 24" diameter rounds). Trouble was, I had a long time drinking buddy there (it almost becomes competition as to who can put away the most and not **** off his wife with foul mouths). Then yesterday, I split and stacked it all...I stayed busy, trying to stay out of the 3 that were there, then it was time for me to bbq...ahh, the comfort of bbq smoke and a cold beer. WHY?????
Your all so right..so right...I don't have any left in the house (well that I will drink)...
I am praying for a sober day. Pleading with myself to do what I need to do. To not call my manthing, and have him grab some on the way home.
So, one more question. I never think of booze this early, unless it is a hangover screaming at me, then it is of course, thoughts of why. But the SECOND that I think I am going to not drink...I start missing it early. All consuming thoughts, cravings, what ever.
How do I stop that? I have found NOTHING that distracts these thoughts.
I just looked at what is happening in life, and I know I have no commitments for 10 days. Enough to get through what I am learning is a hard detox period. The only social engagement I have is next Saturday, and that is to go meet my manthings, little brother.
He is returning home from prison...DUI, I think his third one. I KNOW there will be no drinking at that party. I am not driving home, I can't stop anywhere on the way.
The hard part NOW, is, I keep reading posts, and I know you're all right. I gathered firewood this weekend, my manthing, ran the saw, I loaded it, and did it in 2 feet of snow, not pleasant (up to 24" diameter rounds). Trouble was, I had a long time drinking buddy there (it almost becomes competition as to who can put away the most and not **** off his wife with foul mouths). Then yesterday, I split and stacked it all...I stayed busy, trying to stay out of the 3 that were there, then it was time for me to bbq...ahh, the comfort of bbq smoke and a cold beer. WHY?????
Your all so right..so right...I don't have any left in the house (well that I will drink)...
I am praying for a sober day. Pleading with myself to do what I need to do. To not call my manthing, and have him grab some on the way home.
So, one more question. I never think of booze this early, unless it is a hangover screaming at me, then it is of course, thoughts of why. But the SECOND that I think I am going to not drink...I start missing it early. All consuming thoughts, cravings, what ever.
How do I stop that? I have found NOTHING that distracts these thoughts.
Pickachu...I choose YOU!
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: raleigh nc
Posts: 84
I really don't have advice, as this is my first sober day in YEARS!!!
But I didn't want to read and run, I can tell you are hurting and I wanted to let you know I understand what you are going through.
But I didn't want to read and run, I can tell you are hurting and I wanted to let you know I understand what you are going through.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Northern California
Posts: 37
Thanks, I DID make it to an online AA meeting today...and so far Ok with how today is going but my "drinking time" isn't gone yet, in fact it only began about an hour ago, and well, I am here chatting and checking out the forums, and zipping around my other forum...
I am ALREADY getting a headache...
I am ALREADY getting a headache...
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
This will not be popular with the touchy feely crowd, but if you put half the effort into simply quitting as you are putting into getting ready to quit you might just be amazed at the result.
This silly little riddle has served me and a few others well in the past. We AA folk are suckers for sayings, examples, and yes, even riddles.
THREE BIRDS ON A TELEPHONE WIRE. ONE BIRD DECIDES TO FLY AWAY. HOW MANY BIRDS ARE NOW ON THE WIRE?
ANSWER: THREE……… ALL OUR BIRD DID WAS "DECIDE" TO FLY AWAY. (Decisions require action or they are simply a good idea.)
The reality of sobriety is that life doesn't come with (10 day windows of inactivity), or for that matter any guaranteed "down" time. If you are planning of quitting for any length of time, perhaps even for a long period of time, you can rest assured that there will be constant interruptions in your sober time.
If you really do want to quit, and only you really know that, then close your eyes, click your heels together three times and start! It is very difficult, but a few of us have done it for various lengths of time, and even though I haven't quit forever, as I am unable to wrap my mind around "forever" I just keep quitting today, and ALWAYS have told myself that if it gets bad enough I will START AGAIN TOMORROW. About 3000 some odd days ago I quit just for today, and since I am such a damn good procrastinator, I still have not gotten around to drinking. As long as I decide TO DRINK TOMORROW, I just never seem to get started.
I really hope you do more that DECIDE to quit, it will change your entire life and I actually want that for you and for all my other friends who share what was my problem, (I don’t have an alcohol problem as long as I don’t drink alcohol), however it is up to you. AA got me this far and so I continue to dance with the gal that I brought, but don't wait to USE AA until you are sober. That is a little like waiting to go to the HOSPITAL UNTIL YOU ARE HEALTHY!
Best of luck and even though my writing may make me sound like an uncaring SOB, I wish all the best in the world for you and will even toss in a prayer for you.
Good luck,
Jon
This silly little riddle has served me and a few others well in the past. We AA folk are suckers for sayings, examples, and yes, even riddles.
THREE BIRDS ON A TELEPHONE WIRE. ONE BIRD DECIDES TO FLY AWAY. HOW MANY BIRDS ARE NOW ON THE WIRE?
ANSWER: THREE……… ALL OUR BIRD DID WAS "DECIDE" TO FLY AWAY. (Decisions require action or they are simply a good idea.)
The reality of sobriety is that life doesn't come with (10 day windows of inactivity), or for that matter any guaranteed "down" time. If you are planning of quitting for any length of time, perhaps even for a long period of time, you can rest assured that there will be constant interruptions in your sober time.
If you really do want to quit, and only you really know that, then close your eyes, click your heels together three times and start! It is very difficult, but a few of us have done it for various lengths of time, and even though I haven't quit forever, as I am unable to wrap my mind around "forever" I just keep quitting today, and ALWAYS have told myself that if it gets bad enough I will START AGAIN TOMORROW. About 3000 some odd days ago I quit just for today, and since I am such a damn good procrastinator, I still have not gotten around to drinking. As long as I decide TO DRINK TOMORROW, I just never seem to get started.
I really hope you do more that DECIDE to quit, it will change your entire life and I actually want that for you and for all my other friends who share what was my problem, (I don’t have an alcohol problem as long as I don’t drink alcohol), however it is up to you. AA got me this far and so I continue to dance with the gal that I brought, but don't wait to USE AA until you are sober. That is a little like waiting to go to the HOSPITAL UNTIL YOU ARE HEALTHY!
Best of luck and even though my writing may make me sound like an uncaring SOB, I wish all the best in the world for you and will even toss in a prayer for you.
Good luck,
Jon
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Northern California
Posts: 37
Sucking Gatorade...
for now
any ideas on how to knock this headache? I can't take NSAIDS (Ibupropen and the like because I am allergic)...
next hour, three screaming kids, and no where for me to hide!
HELP!
any ideas on how to knock this headache? I can't take NSAIDS (Ibupropen and the like because I am allergic)...
next hour, three screaming kids, and no where for me to hide!
HELP!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
Deep breath, my friend. I am in the same boat right now...all kids at home with just me.
Take it slow...I don't know how old your kids are, but are they old enough to be of any help to you or each other? Try making a game out of it. Lay down on the couch, tell them mom doesn't feel good, has a headache, could they be the doctors and nurses for 15 minutes? Geez, you could use an ice bag for your head, a glass of water, a pillow under your feet, perhaps someone is old enough to take your temperature with a real thermometer?, you also, of course, need a blanket, maybe someone's stuffed animal can keep you company, it would be nice if you had a Dr. Suess book read to you in the quietest of whispers...you get it...sounds silly but it works like a charm with my crowd...and you will feel loved,honey, and that really helps with sobriety!
Good luck! I'm here pullin for ya!
Take it slow...I don't know how old your kids are, but are they old enough to be of any help to you or each other? Try making a game out of it. Lay down on the couch, tell them mom doesn't feel good, has a headache, could they be the doctors and nurses for 15 minutes? Geez, you could use an ice bag for your head, a glass of water, a pillow under your feet, perhaps someone is old enough to take your temperature with a real thermometer?, you also, of course, need a blanket, maybe someone's stuffed animal can keep you company, it would be nice if you had a Dr. Suess book read to you in the quietest of whispers...you get it...sounds silly but it works like a charm with my crowd...and you will feel loved,honey, and that really helps with sobriety!
Good luck! I'm here pullin for ya!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
