I know I shouldn't have but I did...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: In the Heart of Dixie
Posts: 128
I know I shouldn't have but I did...
Yesterday I texted my AD Lauren and just asked if so was ok, go nothing so last night on my way home I texted her and told her if I did not her voice on the phone or see her by this morning I was calling the sheriffs dept. and wow my phone rang real fast!!! Just said she was fine.. like she is in a dorm room at college somewhere!!! She told me she would call me today which she did, said she had just got up, was going to eat and take a shower and would come by to see me, I told her I had to go to work that she would not have time to come. But what puzzled me the most was she also said she had to go to the bank....she does not have an account at ANY bank, so I am kinda wondering about that but whatever it is good or bad...I can't help!! Then tonight after I got off work I went over to a friends house and she texted and asked if I was off work, I texted yes...then asked what I was doing and of course what do I do right after I got the first text I get in my car and head home just in case she comes home!! I know, I screwed up but at times I think I need to be home when I get off work just in case and yes I spend more nights looking for her. For some reason nights bother me more and I don't understand but its ok!! So like so many times before I just don't know!!:puppet
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
Ah, Obsessed.
I have been where you are. It's a horrible place. I spent
many nights waiting for my son. To show up, call, something.
You can not keep doing this. Your life is too important. Things
will start to suffer, if they haven't already. You'll become a
shell of the person you are.
Living your life through your daughter is both damaging for her
and you. You have got to get a grip and talk to someone.
Either a therapist, doctor, or clergyman. Have you gotten into
alanon meetings? Reaching our own rock bottom is just as hard
as an addict reaching theirs. We want so badly to control all
things around us. Especially those we love and care about.
It doesn't happen and we wind up horribly hurt, bitter, and
vengeful. You have to stop.
I pray that Lauren finds her way to recovery, but your recovery
is just as important. She needs you to be strong against her
addiction. I'm praying for you, for strength.
All said with love and understanding,
Linda
I have been where you are. It's a horrible place. I spent
many nights waiting for my son. To show up, call, something.
You can not keep doing this. Your life is too important. Things
will start to suffer, if they haven't already. You'll become a
shell of the person you are.
Living your life through your daughter is both damaging for her
and you. You have got to get a grip and talk to someone.
Either a therapist, doctor, or clergyman. Have you gotten into
alanon meetings? Reaching our own rock bottom is just as hard
as an addict reaching theirs. We want so badly to control all
things around us. Especially those we love and care about.
It doesn't happen and we wind up horribly hurt, bitter, and
vengeful. You have to stop.
I pray that Lauren finds her way to recovery, but your recovery
is just as important. She needs you to be strong against her
addiction. I'm praying for you, for strength.
All said with love and understanding,
Linda
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
If there is any bad news about our kids, we'll hear soon enough. Worrying, texting, or calling won't change the outcome.
Personally,I'd stop pushing for daily contact, anything she tells you will just upset you or raise questions that will toy with your mind all day.
Maybe take all that free time and energy to a meeting, you'll never regret it I promise.
You can't live in her addiction and your recovery at the same time...it just isn't possible. Time to let go, mom.
Hugs
Personally,I'd stop pushing for daily contact, anything she tells you will just upset you or raise questions that will toy with your mind all day.
Maybe take all that free time and energy to a meeting, you'll never regret it I promise.
You can't live in her addiction and your recovery at the same time...it just isn't possible. Time to let go, mom.
Hugs
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
You can't live in her addiction and your recovery at the same time...it just isn't possible. Time to let go, mom.
It helped me to just latch onto one thing to feel grateful for...Maybe for you, it is knowing that Lauren is alive today. I then focus my attention on the gratitude, and it brings my HP closer to me and helps me to stop getting drawn into the addiction dance. I know if I did not find gratitude, I would never have found recovery.
Mom to mom hugs.:ghug3
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
obsessed,
Reading your post, I can see you slowly making baby steps in YOUR recovery, and that's what it's all about. YOU.
In my life, what I found to be true is when I am IDLE I have more time to think, and awfulize about what's going on with my sons.
On the other hand, when I try to cram in a zillion meetings, and have lots of time consuming activites, I have little time to dwell on the negative.
So...more meetings for you.
Perhaps find some stuff to keep you busy, or volunteer, or join a group, or swim each day at a healthclub, or something, anything to give you less time to think.
Lauren is in good hands. Her H.P.'s
Hugs to you, sweetie...
Reading your post, I can see you slowly making baby steps in YOUR recovery, and that's what it's all about. YOU.
In my life, what I found to be true is when I am IDLE I have more time to think, and awfulize about what's going on with my sons.
On the other hand, when I try to cram in a zillion meetings, and have lots of time consuming activites, I have little time to dwell on the negative.
So...more meetings for you.
Perhaps find some stuff to keep you busy, or volunteer, or join a group, or swim each day at a healthclub, or something, anything to give you less time to think.
Lauren is in good hands. Her H.P.'s
Hugs to you, sweetie...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
I don't think there's anything wrong with a text or voicemail "Are you OK?, give me a call" sort of thing once in a while (weekly?). I know I do that, but then I have come to NOT expect a reply in a timely manner but eventually, she calls. I think it was the threatening to call cops, and the rushing home that was the problem. we live and we learn.
BTW, I really know that weird feeling when you think, "she sounds almost like a normal person." I remember when Leah called me to ask me about how to care for a very young kitten she had found last summer, then thanked me for my advice. Trouble was, she was living in an abandoned building at the time and surviving by prostituting, and we're talking about how to rescue this kitten. Weird.
BTW, I really know that weird feeling when you think, "she sounds almost like a normal person." I remember when Leah called me to ask me about how to care for a very young kitten she had found last summer, then thanked me for my advice. Trouble was, she was living in an abandoned building at the time and surviving by prostituting, and we're talking about how to rescue this kitten. Weird.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Good advice above me... sometimes, it just takes small steps.
My daughter has a friend who is so NOT codependant. She is just so danged logical. She will say to me (or daughter) - hey, don't go get him, let him walk! He is always driving HIS friends around, let him call one of THEM to come get him and take him home.
What a smart young woman - I wish I could be more like her. She actually gave ME that advice Friday when daughter's husband called for a ride.... whining that no one would come get him. I was VERY busy, and called the friend looking for my daughter. Daughter wasn't there, but the friend was right. This son-in-law burns up gas all the time carting his "friends" around, but here he was bothering ME to come get him.
So I called him back and said it would be several hours.... I had a lot to do. Wouldn't you know, he found another ride?
Some folks are just better at seeing the manipulation for what it is. If you have a friend like that (lots of us do) you might consider asking her what SHE would do.... or even just try to imagine what she would do... and try to follow suit.
Worst case - get online here and ask.
I find that a little support helps me to make the better decisions... and help "train" others how to treat me. My goal is to be treated with respect. I think I have to demonstrate to others that I believe I am worth respecting.
(((hugs))))
My daughter has a friend who is so NOT codependant. She is just so danged logical. She will say to me (or daughter) - hey, don't go get him, let him walk! He is always driving HIS friends around, let him call one of THEM to come get him and take him home.
What a smart young woman - I wish I could be more like her. She actually gave ME that advice Friday when daughter's husband called for a ride.... whining that no one would come get him. I was VERY busy, and called the friend looking for my daughter. Daughter wasn't there, but the friend was right. This son-in-law burns up gas all the time carting his "friends" around, but here he was bothering ME to come get him.
So I called him back and said it would be several hours.... I had a lot to do. Wouldn't you know, he found another ride?
Some folks are just better at seeing the manipulation for what it is. If you have a friend like that (lots of us do) you might consider asking her what SHE would do.... or even just try to imagine what she would do... and try to follow suit.
Worst case - get online here and ask.
I find that a little support helps me to make the better decisions... and help "train" others how to treat me. My goal is to be treated with respect. I think I have to demonstrate to others that I believe I am worth respecting.
(((hugs))))
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