staysober

Hello, this is my first post here and I hope you guys have some advice for me.

A little about myself first and my drinking habits:
I've been sober for 15 days and it hasn't been hard so far because I'm not a daily drinker, I'm more of a weekend binge drinker. When I drink I don't know how to stop, I always have a drink in my hand until I just pass out.

I really need to stop drinking altogether because I have black outs every time I drink, I never know how I got home, what I did or said or anything, I've had several mini accidents because of my drinking, I've passed out in backyards, I always keep falling down and breaking things like wine glasses, I've lost a few friends because of the vicious comments I've made about them while being too drunk to remember and I always have the worst hangovers that last for 2-3 days. Those are the main reasons I don't want to drink, I've beginning to see alcohol as my enemy that poisons my life.

But I have a problem, I am a really shy person, not really outgoing and when there are things like office parties, I don't know how to act when I'm sober and there is also a big pressure from my coworkers to drink. Many of them get really drunk every weekend and consider it normal and they can be really annoying to people that don't decide to drink at one party or so. So I am really nervous, because next weekend my division is going on a weekend trip and there will be lots of alcohol there and the possibility of staying home is not an option. Can anybody make suggestions for me how to handle this and staying sober the whole time? How to be comfortable not drinking and how to stand the pressure from other people?

Thanks in advance.

nandm

What a difficult situation to be faced with. I know many alcoholics and alcohol abusers do not feel comforatable in social situations without a drink. The only thing that has changed that for me is going through the struggle of stopping drinking entirely and learning how to take care of myself in those types of situations. There are still times I do not feel comfortable in those situations but it is less frequent and I do know what to do to get through them now.

The way that worked for me was AA. It gave me the tools not only to get sober but live without drinking and have peace. By the way, at one point in my drinking I was just a weekend binger but it progressed into anytime I was not at work I was drunk. It is up to you as to when you want to stop the progression of alcohol abuse/addiction. You may not progress to full blown alcoholism but there is a good chance with the weekend binging, blackouts, remorse, losing friends, etc...that you are on the path to alcoholism.

There are many programs out there to help you stop drinking. I hope you are able to find one that works for you if you choose to start one. Good luck.

I wish I had some advice to offer you to deal with your current issue of the office party but the only thing I can say is with the history of blackouts and saying things you regret it probably would be best to drink only soda at the party rather than do something that might cost you your job even if it means being very uncomfortable.

staysober

Thanks nandm for your response.

My intention is not to drink alcohol at that party but I know it will be hard and I really don't entirely believe I can do it but that is what I want and that is why I am asking for advise.

I have thought about going to an AA meeting but I haven't worked up my nerves to check it out and I don't know if I belong there or not.

nandm

I too struggled with whether or not I would belong or fit in at an AA meeting. When I finally went I was so desperate not to drink that it no longered mattered to me whether I fit in any longer I just wanted to be able to live without drinking. My life might have been simplier if I had been able to go before I became so desperate, who knows?

My experience has been that when faced with situations where I am not sure if I am going to fit in the key for me is too look for the similiaries in the people around me rather than concentrate on the differences. For example in an AA meeting rather than look at the ages of people or how far down the scale they went before finding sobriety, I look for the things that are similiar to myself.....I may hear someone talk about being drunk while raising their children, not losing all the physical trappings of "the good life" but feeling like they have lost themselves and that is what led them to seek a change. In almost everyone I have met in an AA meeting I have been able to find some piece of me in them. By doing this I find I am much more comfortable around them. It is kind of like being a bunch of survivors from the Titanic clinging to a life raft together. Those people were from all walks of life but the wreck forced them to face the similarities of their situation and help each other get through the difficulties.

I do hope you are able to find a solution as life can be difficult enough without adding in the troubles that a drinking problem brings with it.

By the way, welcome to SR. Glad you are here.

Negative Man

Staysober, one thing that has worked for me in a similar situation is to tell one person who you trust. I've told one of my co-workers/friends, and he helps look out for me in those situations. Just as important: I don't feel like it's me vs. everybody else. I feel like someone's got my back.

Think it over. Hopefully you have one friend there who can give you a hand.

CarolD

Hi and Welcome to SR!

Please read this link ...Blackouts are discussed on #17
It's wise of you to quit IMO

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

I have no experience to share on how to stay sober
for a weekend when everyone else is drinking.

As an alcoholic in recovery....I would not be attending.
I quit working in the hospitality field ....where drinking
was rampant and acceptable behavior.

My sobriety allows me to choose a healthy non stress
enviroment and non drinking friends with the same lifestyles.

Glad you are heading in a good direction for yourself.
Please let us know how you are doing.

Anna

I agree with Carol. I made some big changes in my life when I stopped drinking. I think drinking is the symptom of a problem or problems in someone's life. I had to look at what needed to be changed in my life.

I'm not so comfortable in social situations anymore, especially if I don't know people well. But, that's okay. It's far better than the alternative. I don't go out as much anymore either, and I'm happy with that, too.

Mandarina

Prepare yourself in advance as much as you can. Some questins to ask yourself:

-What are you going to drink instead of alchohol? Make sure you have plenty of non-alchoholic drinks with you.

-What are you going to say when people ask you why you are not drinking? Know in advance how you will respond. You don't have to disclose anything you don't want to but you have to have some answer to those questions.

-How will you deal with people who will try to pressure you into drinking? A simple "I'm not drinking tonight" should work, even if you have to repeat it a few times. If people start harassing you, just walk away.

-How will you extract yourself from the situation if it gets too difficult to handle? If you feel overwhelmed you need to be able to back out. Feigning an illness, an emergency at home, whatever.

Other things I recommend is taking some object with you that keeps you focused and you can carry with you. Could be a list of the reasons why you quit, could be a picture of your family, an AA chip, anything to keep your mind on your sobriety. Make sure to have access to support while you are away, this site, a phonenumber of a sponsor or a friend or relative who knows what you are going through.

If your health and happiness depends on you not drinking you can't let a few comments from your co-workers ruin that. The way you live your life is up to you, not them or anyone else.

CarolD

Hi Again...

I had this on Doc. ....these are things I did
about parties/weddings/dinners when I was newly sober.

I doubt they will help for a weekend bash
but here goes anyway....


Go late ...leave early
Take your own car....or Taxi money

Ask a sober friend to go with you.
Take sober peoples phone numbers to call if you get antsy.

Dance often...Hang out in the bathrooms

Turn your wine glass upside down at dinner
..denoting to the server you don't plan to drink
When toasts are made raise a glass of water

Get your own beverage from the bar. then
carry around a glass with something non alcoholic
(Club soda and Lime ..Coke with a cherry...Virgin Mary)

When asked "want a drink"?
you then say..."No thanks I have one"
When you leave your beverage ...smell before drinking.
It's easy to mix up the glasses.

Good Luck ...

staysober

Thanks everybody.

You've all been a big help. I have been thinking about quit drinking in a few months now and I have often thought about how toxic those people can be that I work with and how they act. I plan on finding a person that I can trust so I won't feel like I am all alone and I am going to be prepared with answers and responses like Mandarina and Carol suggested. Thanks for the ideas.

Mcribb

I used to do the same things but probably worse and longer. I called girls ugly and usually not a weekend didn't go back that I didn't feel bad about something I said or did. I have been off the sauce for a couple week. It was hell the first weekend. The next got better in my heart I knew i wasn't going to be the man I wanted to be if i kept getting hammered and doing stupid stuff on the weekends. If you only have a couple days to drink i suggest you set a time just to go through the hundreds of threads on here. YOu could surf for hours here bettering yourself instead of just getting caught in the same cycle over and over again. No one is going to put a gun to your head to make you drink. Maybe it would be a good ice breaker to talk about how you are done drinking

gravity

I'm also newly sober and was a heavy duty binge/blackout drinker.

I am facing a similar situation this week and was very nervous about it. I asked some of my AA friends how to handle a work related celebration where everyone would be drinking champagne & wine. I wouldn't miss this celebration for the world as it represents the highlight of my career. I was given the following advice:

Despite what I told them, everyone would not be drinking. Don't make it a bigger problem than it is.
Carry a reminder of why I am not drinking (pictures of my kids, AA coin).
Call a sober friend (keep phone #'s handy).
I have the right to leave.
Hang around someone that I know will not be drinking. Drink coffee with him.
Pray. My higher power will take care of me. Believe this. Believe in myself.

Also, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being shy. Just be your great sober self. Nobody can make you have that first drink.

Best wishes!

staysober

I am so thankful that I found this forum. You are all so helpful and I feel like you understand what I'm going through. I've been reading many of the other threads here and I have related to the issues in lots of them.

I thought about all of your advices and it's a good idea to stick to the people who will not be drinking and I actually know for a fact that at least 2 people will be sober there and I like them both so I will certainly be around them. There are times when I think though that maybe I should just wait and quit drinking after the weekend but I've been so strong the last 2 weeks/weekends and I'm afraid I will just fall into the same pattern all over again. I feel like I really need to stop drinking in order to be happy and having control over my life. This has been going on far too long.