The Greatest Story Never told....an alcoholic admits deception
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Right here somewhere
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The Greatest Story Never told....an alcoholic admits deception
I wanted to give you wonderful people a gift. I know youd rather have it come from YOUR alcoholic, but this is the next best thing.
My former spouse is a drunk. Dont know if he's drinking or dry at the moment, but he is a drunk and acts like one.
He is court ordered to pay for a life ins policy with me as beneficiary for our child (Ya know this just irks him no end, donchya?). Well, he didnt pay it this quarter (as usual), so back to court we go. (We have a standing month end hearing with the judge as she is *babysitting* his payments....why? cus he never pays them).
So....knowing FULL WELL that the court date is 12-31-07, he chooses NOT to pay. On that date, the judges secretary was out, so the hearing was cancelled, moved to Jan 8...he gets a delay, a reprieve to make the payment... Well,,,,,,former spouse tells ME privately he sent payment 12-30. During hearing, he tells judges he sent it Jan 4. It was due 12-28..either way, he is late and either way, inc. co never recvd it.
So.....judge lets him have it (for once!), blasts him for being a toad, blah blah blah.....and orders him to PROVE to me payment has processed his bank by Friday Jan 11 PLUS give me a check for future payment so we will not have this again. Says if he CANNOT prove payment, he must give me a 2nd check to cover the first and I will send it to ins co. myself.
Ok....sounds like a good plan, esp since he testified under oath that he DOES have the money NOW to pay.
Well......today he offers to fed ex me the proof of payment and future check. Hmmmmm.....me thinks...some-thing-is-fishy-here.....he is so anxious to give me proof....let me call ins co.
Well whadddya knowwwwww? He DID make payment....BUT not the original check....he sent a fed ex YESTERDAY to pay it. Whhhhhhuuuuuuttttt? Why would he pay $23 or so, to overnight it when the check was sent back when? Hmmmmmmmm....could it be he actually never sent a previous payment (nahhhhhhh) and he needed to have proof a payment was there by Jan 10? So what will he do with that original payment, why, there will be an OVER payment. Well, he told he judge if he had to give me a 2nd check to replace first, hed put a stop payment ($35) on it.
So....here we are with a fed ex of $23 and stop payment for orig. payment ($35) =$58...from a guy who is always crying poor, who cant make his ordered payments for his son. hmmmmmmm.
Oh wait...I forgot....the $23 fed ex for proof/next payment check for Jan 11. Add another $23 = $81 he is out......
Ya see.....he thought I wouldnt find out from in. co the fed ex payment, thought if he sent it fast, it would PROVE he told truth in court that he HAD mailed payment out sometime in the recent past. Ahhhhhhh...he forgets who I am...the greatest alanon sleuth ever known to these parts.I can dig an a drunk hiding behind a case of tic-tacs and a gross of visine. Funny thing is....ins. co never told me it was fed ex, they said they had no idea how it was sent there. But.......bluffing comes as a natural gift to me, so I bluff him, and he goes silent. That is the alcoholic response saying "Oh poop, Ive been outted".
So.....here we have a unique situation......I am not angry at him, I accept this is what he has become....so I decide to react differently than in past deceptions (Where I would usually beat the living snot outta him...at least in my revenge fantasies).
He later calls asking for my office address to fed ex me this proof. I send him a fax, with the info and a note gently confrontly what he did....and wrote in bold letters "UH OH, PINOCCHIO, I SEE YOUR NOSE IS GROWING", along with a clip art pic of Pinocchio with his nose quite long, shrugging his shoulders like one would do when caught in a lie, denying it all. Well, he also said he would refuse to read my fax with the address, tried to control me into giving it over the phone. I refused as I no longer wish to be controlled (unless its George Clooney, holding a box of sparkly diamonds
. So...I add to the note that he could choose to NOT read my letter, but if I didnt get the documents by tomorrow, I would have to inform the judge, and that stupidity would probably not be a good defense for him.
In conclusion.....on way home from work, I call him and say I will waive the Friday deadline for the checks, and allow him to mail us mail under one condition.
"What" he says.....I say "You have to not lie for the next 5 mins". Says ok. I recount the dramatic cross country check debacle, tell him I am aware of what he has done and ask him to just admit he lied.
And now, ladies and gentleman........(may I have a drum roll please........)
THE ALCOHOLIC ADMITTED TO ME HE LIED ABOUT IT ALL.
(((((((((Someone please pick Former Doormat off the floor and administer CPR)))))))
As soon as I heard that, I immediately pulled my car to the side of the road, stuck my head out the window, and looked to the sky and I swear....I saw pigs flying above. I did...pinks ones, gray ones...even a purple-polka dotted one.
Well.... I regain composure after almost swallowing my tongue for fear of laughing out loud at him. I ask why......
and that, my friends..............was a mistake.:wtf2
yup....I shouldve just left in victory, taken my award, thanked the audience and exited stage left.
But I didnt.....so, I listen........This is what I heard:
" I didnt have the money, and I will have it tomorrow, blah blah blah and thats why I sent it yesterday, blah blah blah tomorrow, today blah blah blah"....STOP, STOP the madness I SAY!!!
I could not understand his logic, because, well, it was not logic, it was alcoholism. For a brief, tiny nano second he found honesty, but then the big bad monster of alcoholism came back to reclaim his soul and turned him into a blathering lying manipulator once again.
So....realising I was done for...I had been beaten...I could not win round 2, I bowed out. I part with a final "man, you have lost so much,....you lost your family, when will you surrender"?...and I hang up.
I immediately call my sponsor to release all the toxic build up that I had inhaled just from the short conversation. Got it out....and that was it. Not angry...could clearly see he has NO ability to get honest about anything, that he isnt done digging, so Im just stepping back so the dirt he digs doesnt get thrown on me anymore.
He will be number one in my prayers tonight. He needs them far more than I do.
My former spouse is a drunk. Dont know if he's drinking or dry at the moment, but he is a drunk and acts like one.
He is court ordered to pay for a life ins policy with me as beneficiary for our child (Ya know this just irks him no end, donchya?). Well, he didnt pay it this quarter (as usual), so back to court we go. (We have a standing month end hearing with the judge as she is *babysitting* his payments....why? cus he never pays them).
So....knowing FULL WELL that the court date is 12-31-07, he chooses NOT to pay. On that date, the judges secretary was out, so the hearing was cancelled, moved to Jan 8...he gets a delay, a reprieve to make the payment... Well,,,,,,former spouse tells ME privately he sent payment 12-30. During hearing, he tells judges he sent it Jan 4. It was due 12-28..either way, he is late and either way, inc. co never recvd it.
So.....judge lets him have it (for once!), blasts him for being a toad, blah blah blah.....and orders him to PROVE to me payment has processed his bank by Friday Jan 11 PLUS give me a check for future payment so we will not have this again. Says if he CANNOT prove payment, he must give me a 2nd check to cover the first and I will send it to ins co. myself.
Ok....sounds like a good plan, esp since he testified under oath that he DOES have the money NOW to pay.
Well......today he offers to fed ex me the proof of payment and future check. Hmmmmm.....me thinks...some-thing-is-fishy-here.....he is so anxious to give me proof....let me call ins co.
Well whadddya knowwwwww? He DID make payment....BUT not the original check....he sent a fed ex YESTERDAY to pay it. Whhhhhhuuuuuuttttt? Why would he pay $23 or so, to overnight it when the check was sent back when? Hmmmmmmmm....could it be he actually never sent a previous payment (nahhhhhhh) and he needed to have proof a payment was there by Jan 10? So what will he do with that original payment, why, there will be an OVER payment. Well, he told he judge if he had to give me a 2nd check to replace first, hed put a stop payment ($35) on it.
So....here we are with a fed ex of $23 and stop payment for orig. payment ($35) =$58...from a guy who is always crying poor, who cant make his ordered payments for his son. hmmmmmmm.
Oh wait...I forgot....the $23 fed ex for proof/next payment check for Jan 11. Add another $23 = $81 he is out......
Ya see.....he thought I wouldnt find out from in. co the fed ex payment, thought if he sent it fast, it would PROVE he told truth in court that he HAD mailed payment out sometime in the recent past. Ahhhhhhh...he forgets who I am...the greatest alanon sleuth ever known to these parts.I can dig an a drunk hiding behind a case of tic-tacs and a gross of visine. Funny thing is....ins. co never told me it was fed ex, they said they had no idea how it was sent there. But.......bluffing comes as a natural gift to me, so I bluff him, and he goes silent. That is the alcoholic response saying "Oh poop, Ive been outted".
So.....here we have a unique situation......I am not angry at him, I accept this is what he has become....so I decide to react differently than in past deceptions (Where I would usually beat the living snot outta him...at least in my revenge fantasies).
He later calls asking for my office address to fed ex me this proof. I send him a fax, with the info and a note gently confrontly what he did....and wrote in bold letters "UH OH, PINOCCHIO, I SEE YOUR NOSE IS GROWING", along with a clip art pic of Pinocchio with his nose quite long, shrugging his shoulders like one would do when caught in a lie, denying it all. Well, he also said he would refuse to read my fax with the address, tried to control me into giving it over the phone. I refused as I no longer wish to be controlled (unless its George Clooney, holding a box of sparkly diamonds
. So...I add to the note that he could choose to NOT read my letter, but if I didnt get the documents by tomorrow, I would have to inform the judge, and that stupidity would probably not be a good defense for him.In conclusion.....on way home from work, I call him and say I will waive the Friday deadline for the checks, and allow him to mail us mail under one condition.
"What" he says.....I say "You have to not lie for the next 5 mins". Says ok. I recount the dramatic cross country check debacle, tell him I am aware of what he has done and ask him to just admit he lied.
And now, ladies and gentleman........(may I have a drum roll please........)
THE ALCOHOLIC ADMITTED TO ME HE LIED ABOUT IT ALL.
(((((((((Someone please pick Former Doormat off the floor and administer CPR)))))))
As soon as I heard that, I immediately pulled my car to the side of the road, stuck my head out the window, and looked to the sky and I swear....I saw pigs flying above. I did...pinks ones, gray ones...even a purple-polka dotted one.
Well.... I regain composure after almost swallowing my tongue for fear of laughing out loud at him. I ask why......
and that, my friends..............was a mistake.:wtf2
yup....I shouldve just left in victory, taken my award, thanked the audience and exited stage left.
But I didnt.....so, I listen........This is what I heard:
" I didnt have the money, and I will have it tomorrow, blah blah blah and thats why I sent it yesterday, blah blah blah tomorrow, today blah blah blah"....STOP, STOP the madness I SAY!!!
I could not understand his logic, because, well, it was not logic, it was alcoholism. For a brief, tiny nano second he found honesty, but then the big bad monster of alcoholism came back to reclaim his soul and turned him into a blathering lying manipulator once again.
So....realising I was done for...I had been beaten...I could not win round 2, I bowed out. I part with a final "man, you have lost so much,....you lost your family, when will you surrender"?...and I hang up.
I immediately call my sponsor to release all the toxic build up that I had inhaled just from the short conversation. Got it out....and that was it. Not angry...could clearly see he has NO ability to get honest about anything, that he isnt done digging, so Im just stepping back so the dirt he digs doesnt get thrown on me anymore.
He will be number one in my prayers tonight. He needs them far more than I do.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past
Posts: 481
I'm with Splendra ... the alcoholic dementia caused him to forget which was the truth, so in fact the truth was a lie that just got mixed up! Lol. Just kidding. All that trouble he causes everyone over $35. My XH is the same. He is legally supposed to pay for my daughter's health insurance until she's out of college. He quit his job to go on disability, so his wife had to pay for my daughter's insurance. Oh, I bet she loved that for years. Then about six months ago it looked like she was going to lose her job and insurance, so my daughter just finally got tired of the hassle and got a job of her own which provided good benefits for a part-timer. But she pays $100 a month for something that her dad should be paying. No, he's not an alcohol, he's just lousy on responsibility.
I remember FD's version of "rememberitis." It happened once with my XABF after I'd told my friends "don't worry, we're just friends, he can't DO anything." D'oh!
I remember FD's version of "rememberitis." It happened once with my XABF after I'd told my friends "don't worry, we're just friends, he can't DO anything." D'oh!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
((( miss pink )))
I hope you and the judge are able to work it out so that you get your money on time and he is left to his own plan. It's a lot easier to make excuses to you and to lie to you than it is to a JUDGE. It's a beautiful thing -she has big men with guns and jails to help her enforce HER consequences!
Hugs
Cats
I hope you and the judge are able to work it out so that you get your money on time and he is left to his own plan. It's a lot easier to make excuses to you and to lie to you than it is to a JUDGE. It's a beautiful thing -she has big men with guns and jails to help her enforce HER consequences!
Hugs
Cats
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
miss pink, honey, you know by now that everything the man says is a big fat lie.
once i quit trying to force the truth out of my xh, my serenity blossomed. lying is what they do. period.
acceptance. that's what i had to do. it hurt like hell to give up trying to control him in anyway. all the nonsense that i was trying to make sense out of was driving me insane.
so the surprising part it not that he lied. it's just what he does. may i ask you something sweety? why are you still angry and surprised at what he does?
all i could do what quit being surprised and angry, and accept that he was going to be who he was. i had to change how i reacted to his nonsense. dealing with an addict is like trying to pick up a ball of quick silver......just slips and slides, bout the time you think you have it, it bursts into smaller pieces and oozes into other nooks and crannies....besides that, it's poison.
would it help your serenity if you just dealt with the court system and avoided any contact with him? eventually, the judge will see through him, and things may get pretty tough with him.
bless yer little heart.....i understand how you must want to squish him like a little.
gotta remember he is a sick, sick man and he is doing what alkies do.....lie like hell.
thinking of you dearie, and many prayers going up
love to you
jeri
once i quit trying to force the truth out of my xh, my serenity blossomed. lying is what they do. period.
acceptance. that's what i had to do. it hurt like hell to give up trying to control him in anyway. all the nonsense that i was trying to make sense out of was driving me insane.
so the surprising part it not that he lied. it's just what he does. may i ask you something sweety? why are you still angry and surprised at what he does?
all i could do what quit being surprised and angry, and accept that he was going to be who he was. i had to change how i reacted to his nonsense. dealing with an addict is like trying to pick up a ball of quick silver......just slips and slides, bout the time you think you have it, it bursts into smaller pieces and oozes into other nooks and crannies....besides that, it's poison.
would it help your serenity if you just dealt with the court system and avoided any contact with him? eventually, the judge will see through him, and things may get pretty tough with him.
bless yer little heart.....i understand how you must want to squish him like a little.
gotta remember he is a sick, sick man and he is doing what alkies do.....lie like hell.
thinking of you dearie, and many prayers going up
love to you
jeri
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Right here somewhere
Posts: 509
jeri--
didnt you read my entire post? I said I wasnt surprised and certainly not angry. its always expected, this lying and manipulating.
No loss of serenity on part...
didnt you read my entire post? I said I wasnt surprised and certainly not angry. its always expected, this lying and manipulating.
No loss of serenity on part...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
at open AA meeting many of the stories shared reveal incredible lies, hallucinations, delusions, experiences BUT they are very proud and happy of being able to admit it and realize it once sober and recovering.
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