triggers for THEM
Learning to love life...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
triggers for THEM
Hi guys,
I just have something thats been on my mind the last couple of days - there's always SOMETHING right!?
The last time my husband was actively working his recovery (he was sober 3 months), he started chewing tobacco (yuk). I really did not have a problem with this as 1. it is not MINE to worry about, and 2. I am a smoker, so I can't really complain.
He quit chewing when he began working his program again this time, saying that he figured that 1. he might as well get rid of ALL the bad habits, and 2. he figured that chewing was the BEGINNING of his relapse last time
.
And yesterday, he bought some chew
He SAYS he is not worried about the "trigger" - of course I AM. he says that he still feels strong about not drinking; he feels the craving, but it passes relitively quick. Yesterday, after our softball game, he heard the other team say "bummer, we lost... lets go to the bar". He thought for a moment "that sounds like fun", but remembered what would happen if he DID drink... where it would take him, how he would feel in the morning... and that was enough to dismiss the craving.
So, I am just curious... do any of your A's smoke? Have THEY tried to quit smoking (OR chewing) when they were working a recovery? Is smoking again a possible trigger to the drinking? I am scared that the downslide has already begun
OK... OMG... I just re-read my post.
I KNOW better... this is not MY sh*t. I need to worry about ME!
I'll post it anyway
Thanks guys
Meg
I just have something thats been on my mind the last couple of days - there's always SOMETHING right!?
The last time my husband was actively working his recovery (he was sober 3 months), he started chewing tobacco (yuk). I really did not have a problem with this as 1. it is not MINE to worry about, and 2. I am a smoker, so I can't really complain.
He quit chewing when he began working his program again this time, saying that he figured that 1. he might as well get rid of ALL the bad habits, and 2. he figured that chewing was the BEGINNING of his relapse last time
.And yesterday, he bought some chew
He SAYS he is not worried about the "trigger" - of course I AM. he says that he still feels strong about not drinking; he feels the craving, but it passes relitively quick. Yesterday, after our softball game, he heard the other team say "bummer, we lost... lets go to the bar". He thought for a moment "that sounds like fun", but remembered what would happen if he DID drink... where it would take him, how he would feel in the morning... and that was enough to dismiss the craving.
So, I am just curious... do any of your A's smoke? Have THEY tried to quit smoking (OR chewing) when they were working a recovery? Is smoking again a possible trigger to the drinking? I am scared that the downslide has already begun
OK... OMG... I just re-read my post.
I KNOW better... this is not MY sh*t. I need to worry about ME!
I'll post it anyway
Thanks guys
Meg
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Meg
Pheww...you had me running for the skillet. .
My son smokes, and the only time he quit was when he was so broke he couldn't buy them. Needless to say, that was also the same time as he was using.
They will always have triggers, and they know what to do with them. If their recovery is strong and they are "living" their program, they will probably get past the trigger and still be fine. And sometimes they will relapse. The thing is - we are powerless over their triggers and we are powerless over how they handle them.
I find it sad that those of us who love them can see a relapse coming on and they can't or deny it. And they say that the relapse happens long berfore they pick up.
Something I've learned that helps me to let go, and that is to just enjoy every day they are clean and know that each day is a miracle, and don't try to second guess tomorrow (wise words I heard often from Ogly). It sets our souls free.
Pheww...you had me running for the skillet.
. My son smokes, and the only time he quit was when he was so broke he couldn't buy them. Needless to say, that was also the same time as he was using.
They will always have triggers, and they know what to do with them. If their recovery is strong and they are "living" their program, they will probably get past the trigger and still be fine. And sometimes they will relapse. The thing is - we are powerless over their triggers and we are powerless over how they handle them.
I find it sad that those of us who love them can see a relapse coming on and they can't or deny it. And they say that the relapse happens long berfore they pick up.
Something I've learned that helps me to let go, and that is to just enjoy every day they are clean and know that each day is a miracle, and don't try to second guess tomorrow (wise words I heard often from Ogly). It sets our souls free.
Learning to love life...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Go ahead, Whack me...
I think I could use it for even letting myself ASK those questions
Or for being so "codependant" that I was craving the reassurance from all of you - was I actually hoping you would say "YES.. It IS a trigger... run for the hills!"???
Oh woe is me
Meg
I think I could use it for even letting myself ASK those questions
Or for being so "codependant" that I was craving the reassurance from all of you - was I actually hoping you would say "YES.. It IS a trigger... run for the hills!"???
Oh woe is me
Meg
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Yep, Mine smoked until he decided to do the 30 days.....he also decided to quit smoking too.....funny thing is, I was always the smoker until about 5 years ago.....he didn't start smoking until I quit when I was pregnant with our 1st child (obviously I started back) NOW he is not smoking BUT he started dipping!!! One of our good friends that has been in AA for 13 years suggested it for him to help with "something to do". He dips and has not had a relapse in 13 years. Maybe it isn't a "sign" just a need to feel busy!
Stop worrying and trying to predict......just go it a day at a time.
Constant
Stop worrying and trying to predict......just go it a day at a time.
Constant
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
EEEEEEeeeeeeyyyyewwww! Dip and spittle. Blech! Blech! This is one of those "why would anybody try that in the first place?" items for me.
Hang in there (((( Meg! ))))) !
Hugs,
Smoke
Hang in there (((( Meg! ))))) !
Hugs,
Smoke
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Oh no!! Don't tell me that dipping is another one of those Southern Thangs! I swear, every time I turn around I realize that things I have known all my life are some big SECRET to the rest of the world.
Dip, ya know Skoal or Coppenhagen. It comes in a round plastic can that they carry in their back pocket. A chew is Red Man or Beechnut that comes in a pouch. Dip is fine, ground up tobacco that they stick a pinch between the cheek and gum (usually on the bottom in front of the FRONT bottom teeth), but a chew is a wad of leafy tobacco that they stick in between the cheek and gum on the side that looks like they have a golf ball in their mouth. Either way, they spit A LOT!! Heck we have to be careful everywhere we go around here cause your liable to step on an expelled chew at any time. Especially the gas station or grocery store parking lot......NASTY!!! OH OR WALMART
Hope that clears things up.......what a downer to be a "dipping, chewing" advisor:p
Constant
Dip, ya know Skoal or Coppenhagen. It comes in a round plastic can that they carry in their back pocket. A chew is Red Man or Beechnut that comes in a pouch. Dip is fine, ground up tobacco that they stick a pinch between the cheek and gum (usually on the bottom in front of the FRONT bottom teeth), but a chew is a wad of leafy tobacco that they stick in between the cheek and gum on the side that looks like they have a golf ball in their mouth. Either way, they spit A LOT!! Heck we have to be careful everywhere we go around here cause your liable to step on an expelled chew at any time. Especially the gas station or grocery store parking lot......NASTY!!! OH OR WALMART
Hope that clears things up.......what a downer to be a "dipping, chewing" advisor:p
Constant
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 444
Constant:
"Dip" is not just one of those southern "thangs" unless you consider Ohio southern, which I guess Meg would, but Barbiedeb shouldn't!
Squinty has quit smoking twice, and chewing once, and currently does not smoke cigarettes or chew. He does indulge in an occassional Swisher Sweets Cigar, however--outside, where we don't have to smell it.
Lyn
"Dip" is not just one of those southern "thangs" unless you consider Ohio southern, which I guess Meg would, but Barbiedeb shouldn't!
Squinty has quit smoking twice, and chewing once, and currently does not smoke cigarettes or chew. He does indulge in an occassional Swisher Sweets Cigar, however--outside, where we don't have to smell it.
Lyn
Serenity Dancer
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: USA
Posts: 20
Hi meg, I think even though this may not be your crap as you put it 
it really is something that some of us have thought about.
J and I are both smokers , I alot more then he is, and have made half arse attemps to quite in the past. i say half arse because I know either of us could do it if we put our minds to it.
Anytime I have mentioned quiting he either attemps it with me or goes outside so that it is not around me out of respect for my efforts to quit.
When he got into treatment toards the beginning/middle part or somewhere around that I mentioned needing to quit for myself and asked him if he wanted to work on quitting too. for the first time ever he said to me " not right now, i want to deal with all of this other stuff as a priority first"
I'll be honest it shocked me and kinda worried me, not really worried me maybe more shock and puzzled. But I didn't ? his reasons further and I accepted his choice.
Like you said 'its not our crap' but you are not alone in the thoughts and ? that run through your head. I have had them all too.
Moostang Rita
p.s. I don't know about smoking being a trigger for anyone to drink, never asked anyone about it. But can tell ya for me the rare occasions I personally have a drink I'll end up smoking, but having a smoke never makes me want to or think of drinking. Its the opposite for me .
it really is something that some of us have thought about.J and I are both smokers , I alot more then he is, and have made half arse attemps to quite in the past. i say half arse because I know either of us could do it if we put our minds to it.
Anytime I have mentioned quiting he either attemps it with me or goes outside so that it is not around me out of respect for my efforts to quit.
When he got into treatment toards the beginning/middle part or somewhere around that I mentioned needing to quit for myself and asked him if he wanted to work on quitting too. for the first time ever he said to me " not right now, i want to deal with all of this other stuff as a priority first"
I'll be honest it shocked me and kinda worried me, not really worried me maybe more shock and puzzled. But I didn't ? his reasons further and I accepted his choice.
Like you said 'its not our crap' but you are not alone in the thoughts and ? that run through your head. I have had them all too.
Moostang Rita
p.s. I don't know about smoking being a trigger for anyone to drink, never asked anyone about it. But can tell ya for me the rare occasions I personally have a drink I'll end up smoking, but having a smoke never makes me want to or think of drinking. Its the opposite for me .
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