What do you guys think of this?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dysfunction junction,nc
Posts: 381
What do you guys think of this?
the other night I asked my husband to stop drinking and he came back at me with why don't you quit smoking? Well.....I thought about this and I would quit smoking if it were ruining my marriage. I don't act like an A$$ when I'm smoking but he does when he's drinking. So what do you guys think about this? Be honest!
Curious...
2many2count
Curious...
2many2count
Member
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia
Posts: 1,714
I had to laugh at this one - it's called an AVOIDANCE TACTIC and it puts the focus on you instead of them. A's are really good with this. If you did give up smoking, there would be something else. (We all know that cigarettes are bad for you - I'm a 2-pack-per-day hacker myself). Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way - nothing will make them stop until they're ready, and I doubt your hubby would quit drinking even if you did stop smoking. If only it did work that way!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Baloney. Baloney. Baloney. (I think that's what Margo just said.)
Now me... I have a little demon that lives in me that is always tempted to call someone on their baloney. I'd quit, then after a week when he was still drinking I'd buy a carton and wave it in front of him and tell him he was giving me lung cancer. Either that or walk around spit shining my halo. This is not advice. Merely a confession of my evil nature. :devil1:
Now lemme tell you about my most successful quitting attempt recently. I smoke ultra lights, so when I do the patch, I start with step two. Well, I got this great idea to save money by buying step one and cutting them in half. The day I decided to quit, I couldn't get to the store until after lunch. You may imagine how jonesy I was by then. I bought the step 1's, but I didn't have any scissors with me so I just slapped one on. Within a few hours I had nicotine poisoning. Barf city. I couldn't look at a cigarette for weeks.
Now me... I have a little demon that lives in me that is always tempted to call someone on their baloney. I'd quit, then after a week when he was still drinking I'd buy a carton and wave it in front of him and tell him he was giving me lung cancer. Either that or walk around spit shining my halo. This is not advice. Merely a confession of my evil nature. :devil1:
Now lemme tell you about my most successful quitting attempt recently. I smoke ultra lights, so when I do the patch, I start with step two. Well, I got this great idea to save money by buying step one and cutting them in half. The day I decided to quit, I couldn't get to the store until after lunch. You may imagine how jonesy I was by then. I bought the step 1's, but I didn't have any scissors with me so I just slapped one on. Within a few hours I had nicotine poisoning. Barf city. I couldn't look at a cigarette for weeks.
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: walking down a happier trail
Posts: 50
I had to post a reply to this thread cause I too am a smoker and I was thinking that I would quit too... I keep telling myself that if I cant quit smoking that I cant even begin to expect him to stop drinking... He is leaving on June 17th to fly to his moms for 2 weeks and I thought that would be the perfect time to try and quit... Now I am thinking that patches arent such a good thing... :greencry:
I still think that I am going to try.... might be a tough 2 weeks
I still think that I am going to try.... might be a tough 2 weeks
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I'm a smoker too - yup a smoking angel. My husband (who smoked 2 packs a day and then quit 15 years ago), hates that I smoke. If you smokers came to visit, he would never say a word, but maybe prefer you smoke on the front porch. But he doesn't want me to get sick from it, so I can't even argue the point.
Needless to say, I am now an almost-closet smoker. He knows I have some but I never smoke in the house unless he is working out of town, and I don't smoke around him.
That has cut my consumption waaayyy down, to about 8 or 9 cigarettes a day - but I want every one of them.
I tried a month or so ago to stop entirely and turned into such an ugly troll that I started again. I think I will need the patch or gum or something to help, when I get courage enough to try again.
Needless to say, I am now an almost-closet smoker. He knows I have some but I never smoke in the house unless he is working out of town, and I don't smoke around him.
That has cut my consumption waaayyy down, to about 8 or 9 cigarettes a day - but I want every one of them.
I tried a month or so ago to stop entirely and turned into such an ugly troll that I started again. I think I will need the patch or gum or something to help, when I get courage enough to try again.
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Indiana
Posts: 7
My dh has said that very same thing to me! Just trying to get the attention off him.
yes another smoker here. I quit for 6 months last year & couldn't handle the stress of his drinking anymore & caved. I know it's an excuse but my smoking isn't tearing our family apart either. Dh smokes too.
I made another attempt 2weeks ago with little luck, I made it only 7 days.
The patches work wonders for me so I am giong to go buy some & jump back on the wagon.
Now I'm wondering how many of us are smokers?
2stay_or_go
yes another smoker here. I quit for 6 months last year & couldn't handle the stress of his drinking anymore & caved. I know it's an excuse but my smoking isn't tearing our family apart either. Dh smokes too.
I made another attempt 2weeks ago with little luck, I made it only 7 days.
The patches work wonders for me so I am giong to go buy some & jump back on the wagon.
Now I'm wondering how many of us are smokers?
2stay_or_go
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: omaha nebraska
Posts: 10
I am a smoker too. If my hubby came back at me to quit smoking when asking him to give up drinking. I would in a heart beat give it up and it would be a small price to pay for him being sober. But mine wouldn't give up his cocktails even if I quit. Quitting smoking is for ourselves to give up. Had a good reply to him. Good luck to you. Dawn
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
I am a smoker too. I quit for 3 years...boy is that dumb!! I used the patch and I quit once for 6 months using Welbutrin (Zyban) and the patch. Now that was almost painless...really!
And 2many...he is just putting his problems back on you!
Hugs,
JT
And 2many...he is just putting his problems back on you!
Hugs,
JT
I used to work here ;)
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
Smoker here, and I know why but with my mom being sick recently I am seriously thinking about giving it a go again!! (quitting that is 
)
Hugs,
Debbie
)Hugs,
Debbie
Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 211
Smoker too!!
But, I quite on 12/31/02 with the patch.
Actually, my husband and I both quite on 12/31/02. We both did the patch. He started at step 1 (he smoked 1 1/2 packs a day) I started at step 2 (slightly less than a pack a day smoker).
2many - he's playing games. That's what they do. Try to quit if you want to. Not because he's holding over your head.
Smoke - Yikes!!! I actually thought of the same thing (cutting the 1s in half) but didn't do it. You are brave. A year ago I tried the step 1 and they made me nutty (but my house was very clean - I couldn't sit still).
NoDoubt
Actually, my husband and I both quite on 12/31/02. We both did the patch. He started at step 1 (he smoked 1 1/2 packs a day) I started at step 2 (slightly less than a pack a day smoker).
2many - he's playing games. That's what they do. Try to quit if you want to. Not because he's holding over your head.
Smoke - Yikes!!! I actually thought of the same thing (cutting the 1s in half) but didn't do it. You are brave. A year ago I tried the step 1 and they made me nutty (but my house was very clean - I couldn't sit still).
NoDoubt
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 178
Hi 2many
you so cute lol I know this is serious but it just came out so cute:-)
Well in my opinion he has a point, a drug is a drug and one can be hooked on smoking as much as on drinking.....however I agree that this is just to avoid what really is going on with him and he is using your addiction to smoking as and excuse for his addiction to drinking.............I say why not call his bluff? quitt smoking, you live longer anyways:-) see what he does!!
Good Luck !!!
Well in my opinion he has a point, a drug is a drug and one can be hooked on smoking as much as on drinking.....however I agree that this is just to avoid what really is going on with him and he is using your addiction to smoking as and excuse for his addiction to drinking.............I say why not call his bluff? quitt smoking, you live longer anyways:-) see what he does!!
Good Luck !!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: California
Posts: 329
Hi everyone,
I have not smoked in a very long time. I think that cigs were 46 cents when I did. I hate the fact that I ever did! Good job those of you that are trying to quit!! I know how hard it is. I hate smoke now after I watched my Dad die from lung cancer. He smoked about 30yrs. and then quit 13yrs. before he got sick. After he found out that he had cancer he died 6months later. It was a terrible way to die! I am sorry if this is so negative but I care about all of you and hope that you can find a way to rid your lives of those cancer sticks.
Giving you strength and support,
matters
I have not smoked in a very long time. I think that cigs were 46 cents when I did. I hate the fact that I ever did! Good job those of you that are trying to quit!! I know how hard it is. I hate smoke now after I watched my Dad die from lung cancer. He smoked about 30yrs. and then quit 13yrs. before he got sick. After he found out that he had cancer he died 6months later. It was a terrible way to die! I am sorry if this is so negative but I care about all of you and hope that you can find a way to rid your lives of those cancer sticks.
Giving you strength and support,
matters
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Guilty... I am a smoker too 
My husband used to say the EXACT same thing to me! "Why don't YOU just quit smoking?!"
And together we worked out this wonderful plan (duh ): He would quit drinking, and I would quit smoking. It was such a BAD idea - Oh, and this was before I KNEW much about alcoholism. So, I think we made a few weeks... and I was the one who caved. I tried to hide the fact that I was smoking again for absolute FEAR that he would start drinking because of it. Eventually he found out, got angry... went drinking / using not 2 days later. Of course, this worked PERFECTLY for him; he got to drink, and blame it on me - classic "lay the guilt elsewhere" behavior. And yes... there I was, taking the guilt. I certainly felt like I was to blame for his drinking.
Now... I have learned my lesson.
And this is the way I see it . Alcohol and Nicotine are BOTH chemicals; we are as addicted to our DOC as our A's are. However, the chemical WE abuse brings with it no mind-altering effects; we are of the same sound mind when smoking, as we are when we are NOT. We have become addicted to Nicotine for various reasons (peer-pressure, boredom), but the reasons do not compare to those of an Alcoholic / Addict. In many cases, an alcoholic in the early stages, becomes addicted for the very reason that the alcohol CHANGES who they are; or it HIDES who they are... hides the pain, the shyness, the shame, the fear etc. Simply by using Alcohol or Drugs, the A does not have to feel whatever it is that makes them crazy.... This may not be so for ALL addicts of course - there ARE other factors.
Anyhow, I have had the same issues come up in my marriage to an A - you are not alone.
And I can see I am not alone as a smoker either!... But alas, I made a vow to myself many years ago that I would quit when I am 30 (that would make it 15 years that I smoked!
) ... Guess what I am doing in December? :p
Love to all
Meg
My husband used to say the EXACT same thing to me! "Why don't YOU just quit smoking?!"
And together we worked out this wonderful plan (duh
): He would quit drinking, and I would quit smoking. It was such a BAD idea - Oh, and this was before I KNEW much about alcoholism. So, I think we made a few weeks... and I was the one who caved. I tried to hide the fact that I was smoking again for absolute FEAR that he would start drinking because of it. Eventually he found out, got angry... went drinking / using not 2 days later. Of course, this worked PERFECTLY for him; he got to drink, and blame it on me - classic "lay the guilt elsewhere" behavior. And yes... there I was, taking the guilt. I certainly felt like I was to blame for his drinking.Now... I have learned my lesson.
And this is the way I see it
. Alcohol and Nicotine are BOTH chemicals; we are as addicted to our DOC as our A's are. However, the chemical WE abuse brings with it no mind-altering effects; we are of the same sound mind when smoking, as we are when we are NOT. We have become addicted to Nicotine for various reasons (peer-pressure, boredom), but the reasons do not compare to those of an Alcoholic / Addict. In many cases, an alcoholic in the early stages, becomes addicted for the very reason that the alcohol CHANGES who they are; or it HIDES who they are... hides the pain, the shyness, the shame, the fear etc. Simply by using Alcohol or Drugs, the A does not have to feel whatever it is that makes them crazy.... This may not be so for ALL addicts of course - there ARE other factors.Anyhow, I have had the same issues come up in my marriage to an A - you are not alone.
And I can see I am not alone as a smoker either!... But alas, I made a vow to myself many years ago that I would quit when I am 30 (that would make it 15 years that I smoked!
) ... Guess what I am doing in December? :p Love to all
Meg
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