not posted for a while :/
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: England
Posts: 674
not posted for a while :/
Hi,
I don't know if anyone remembers me, I haven't posted for while. Recently I did go just over 2 months without a drink, if any one does remember any of my postings in that time, then they will remember I suffered really bad in those two months, thought I was dying, had severe panic attacks etc.
Anyway, about a week ago i decided this was nothing to do with alcohol and decided to drink. I actually do think that what I went through was not alcohol related :/
I think it was due to some anxiety related disorder. I have never suffered anxiety, but having been through the worst 3 months of my life I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
anyways, my point is, if I even have one, well I do, the point is, I drank about a week ago, just a 1/4 of a bottle, well that was ok, didn't drink for 2 days, then another 1/4 bottle, well thats ok, 1/2 a bottle a week is ok right?
But now it is another 3 days later and I have drank 1/2 a bottle tonight, well that didn't take long did it :/ to get back where I was, well not qute but ya know :/
someone wrote something on this site, sorry I don't remember who, but they said something like "the craving only starts after you start drining"
Thats so hard to remember when your brain in asking for a drink though.
Sorry, sure there was a point to this post i forget what it was though, maybe so I can read it in the morning :/
Sax
I don't know if anyone remembers me, I haven't posted for while. Recently I did go just over 2 months without a drink, if any one does remember any of my postings in that time, then they will remember I suffered really bad in those two months, thought I was dying, had severe panic attacks etc.
Anyway, about a week ago i decided this was nothing to do with alcohol and decided to drink. I actually do think that what I went through was not alcohol related :/
I think it was due to some anxiety related disorder. I have never suffered anxiety, but having been through the worst 3 months of my life I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
anyways, my point is, if I even have one, well I do, the point is, I drank about a week ago, just a 1/4 of a bottle, well that was ok, didn't drink for 2 days, then another 1/4 bottle, well thats ok, 1/2 a bottle a week is ok right?
But now it is another 3 days later and I have drank 1/2 a bottle tonight, well that didn't take long did it :/ to get back where I was, well not qute but ya know :/
someone wrote something on this site, sorry I don't remember who, but they said something like "the craving only starts after you start drining"
Thats so hard to remember when your brain in asking for a drink though.
Sorry, sure there was a point to this post i forget what it was though, maybe so I can read it in the morning :/
Sax
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: England
Posts: 674
I am going to go to bed now as it's past 1 am here and I should have gone to bed hours ago, but I think I can honestly say, no I am not that drunk, and no I haven't done anything that stupid tonight, but, what was the point in my drinking tonight, I think the only thing it achieved was a hangover tommorow!
Sax
Sax
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Hi sweetie....
Yes, I do remember you. Not much to be confused about.
You know Sax, when I relapsed after 8 years without a drink..I was sitting in
a parking lot, confused, talking to my son on my cell. I asked him why would
I mess up like this after such a long time...
He said "Mom..because you're an alcoholic..that's what alcoholics do".
It reminded me to accept again my true state and eventually I did make it
back, but it took awile...with a lot of damage in between.
You don't have to wait, Sax. The others are right..it only gets worse...
and worse and worse. Stop now (before) it does get worse.
Love and prayers,
Sherry
Yes, I do remember you. Not much to be confused about.
You know Sax, when I relapsed after 8 years without a drink..I was sitting in
a parking lot, confused, talking to my son on my cell. I asked him why would
I mess up like this after such a long time...
He said "Mom..because you're an alcoholic..that's what alcoholics do".
It reminded me to accept again my true state and eventually I did make it
back, but it took awile...with a lot of damage in between.
You don't have to wait, Sax. The others are right..it only gets worse...
and worse and worse. Stop now (before) it does get worse.
Love and prayers,
Sherry
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: San Francisco suburbs
Posts: 119
HI Saxony- I suffered from panic attacks at different points in my life also. They are terrifying, I know. My shrink was not surprised to hear that, and said it's pretty common for people who have anxiety/panic disorders to medicate with alcohol. It calms us down. But....there are so many other better ways to deal with it!! I just wanted you to know there are others who feel the same way, and hope you find some comfort in that.
.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
When I first found SR in August, yours were some of the first posts I read, Sax, so I wouldn't forget you! All my sympathy goes out to you for what you're going through right now. It's a journey, and you're traveling the path you must travel to get to where you need to be. Some of us need more convincing than others - need more bad things to happen before we wake up, unfortunately. I sure did - 3 DUI's, lost relationships, mortifying myself at work, health issues. The only thing that matters is, you're back on here among friends and it can all be uphill from now on, you can regain your life and have things go the way you want them to. Love, Joanie
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Welcome back, Sax. I sure do remember you, and I'm so glad to see you again. I hope you are ready to start over - I know it's hard and confusing, but it really does get better, I promise you.
Hope to see you back tomorrow.
Hope to see you back tomorrow.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: England
Posts: 674
Hi all,
Thanks for all your kind words
How could I forget in such a small amount of time how crap it is to wake up after drinking a fair bit the night before
I don't really regret drinking as such this past week or so as I learned something. Originally my plan was to drink a small amount twice a week, well obviously I can't stick to that, but at least I know that for sure now, so I can forget any notions of moderation if they start coming back into my head!
The really stupid thing is I haven't enjoyed any of the drink I have drunk the last week or so, yet I kept continuing to buy more, it's crazy!
Anyway, thats it now, I don't want to drink anymore so it's day 1 for me today.
Sax
Thanks for all your kind words
How could I forget in such a small amount of time how crap it is to wake up after drinking a fair bit the night before
I don't really regret drinking as such this past week or so as I learned something. Originally my plan was to drink a small amount twice a week, well obviously I can't stick to that, but at least I know that for sure now, so I can forget any notions of moderation if they start coming back into my head!
The really stupid thing is I haven't enjoyed any of the drink I have drunk the last week or so, yet I kept continuing to buy more, it's crazy!
Anyway, thats it now, I don't want to drink anymore so it's day 1 for me today.
Sax
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Brighton UK
Posts: 328
Whenever I have a craving at night to drink I concentrate on how great it is to wake up in the morning sober. This seems to break the craving, along with reading the posts on this site. Best of luck on day 1
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