Elizabeth2007

I have posted in other areas that have been very helpful but this is my first post here. I'm scared.

I have suffered with treatment resistant depression since I was 16. I'll be 40 next year. Last year I finally found a good psychiatrist who helped me get on a medication that saved me from my hell of depression. However he has stated that he believes me to be manic depressive type II, i.e. my mania is aggression, agitation, irritability and anger. I don't disagree.

I see a good therapist now and it is helping a lot. Thing is, when I got sober (I quit alcohol nearly 8 months ago) I went through 3 months of detox and misery. Then .. the anxiety and things like that went away and I stopped needing my anxiety medication. In the last 8 weeks my anxiety, irritability, anger and agitation have gone through the roof. I feel like I'm going crazy.

I'm seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow. Nothing is helping me right now though. I'm have literally been white knuckling it through the last 6 weeks. I called my shrink's office on Friday and got some more xanex and even THAT isn't helping.

Mental illness runs strongly in my family - especially the women. Addiction has plagued the men. I was severely abused in my childhood, youth and survived rape as an adult.

I'm trying so so hard to cling to the Lord and get through this but today I feel like I'm losing my mind. I read my Language of Letting Go book today and it was so good and it helped but oh Lord it just feels like I want to just "hulk out" LOL. You know, like the Incredible Hulk in the comics, turn green and tear things up and just rage rage rage.

Please bear with me. I'm sorry I just needed to vent.

PaperDolls

Hi Elizabeth! Glad you're here and congrats on your 8 months of sobriety.

Since you've got a good pdoc that makes a big difference. You can hang on until tomorrow.....don't turn green yet. Just be honest with your pdoc and tell him what you've told us here. It may take some time but I'm sure you'll find something that'll make you feel better.

There's also the possibility of PAWS (post-acute withdrawal syndrome). Someone around here has a good link, or may be there's a sticky around here somewhere. If I find it, I'll post it here. Anyway, PAWS can make you feel all kids of crazy and can last for quite some time.

hugs
PD

Dr. Snow

Hello, Elizabeth. I relate to your situation very much. I'm also BP2 and not very far behind you in sobriety, with 7 months. I've suffered from severe depression for close to 20 years and finally got on medication for the first time this past August.

When I decided to sober-up and get help for my depression and anxiety problems, I was certain that quitting drinking would be the difficult part, and dealing with my mental issues would be the easy part once I got on medication. To my surprise, the opposite has been true. Particularly with regard to hypomania, which I think of as "anxiety."

Like you, I've been experiencing lots of agitation, anger, and irritability for the last few weeks. The medication was helping with the anxiety for awhile, but now it's getting progressively worse. Yeah, I agree, it's kind of scary. I am practically a recluse already. Lately, I've had thoughts of strapping on my backpack and running, running, running to some remote wilderness area and living like a caveman, or at least unabomber. I don't think this is PAWS.

Anyway, Elizabeth, about the rage... Maybe it would be beneficial for you to get a sledgehammer and find some junk in your attic or garage and proceed to smash it to bits. Whatever you do, stay away from the drink. Don't "hulk out" and tear yourself up with alcohol. I made a career out of that for many years.

historyteach

This is just a thought, but, we are almost at the end of the dark days. On the 21st, we will have the shortest day of the year, and then, the days will start getting longer again. Could the lack of sunshine have anything to do with your experiences? And if so, would one of those sun lamps used for Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) help?

Just a thought....

Shalom!

Reinventing

Hi E!

Congrats on the 8 months, 19 days! I knew you could do it.