steve11694

the other night i was at a bar/nightclub. one fine gentleman with a bottomless beer and relentless cigarette started to talk to me. He wasnn't making much sense in what he was saying. The conservation somehow got to my family and life. I told him I am separated from my wife because alcohol has become her religion. He said "I am not an alcoholic, and all those AA meetings I attended only work for alcoholics" I offered to take him to an open AA meeting. He asked me to stop talking with him. I said lets change the subject. No, I don't want to talk to you, it only brings me down.
My parting words to him "yeah, and alcohol brings you up" He was speechless and maybe, just maybe, for a second, the truth hit home. He ordered another beer, I walked away.

Anyone else on this forum become keenly adept at recognizing alcoholics?

guineapigjude

Ahhhh. Not only am I keenly adept at recognizing them, traditionally I only date or marry them! LOL!
All joking aside, I can spot 'em a mile away. Nine times out of ten I can tell you what they're going to say as well. I'm also getting good at spotting fellow codies and enablers ~ it's like looking through a mirror ...darkly.
So happy to be working on changing my reflection!

CBrown

Yes, Steve, maybe I'll see a person in a store, or walking down a sidewalk and he/she will have "the look." I was with friends at a bar/grill a month or so back and there were two guys at the end of the bar that looked like they'd moved beyond the average drinker to the "dark side." I haven't gotten into a conversation with any of the people I've seen, so I'm left to wonder if there's an addiction going on, or whether I'm just stereotyping based on the couple alcoholics I have known in my lifetime. Besides, I've heard enough protestations out of an alcoholic. When I see a face that looks like there's been decades of hard living, maybe a cough, maybe "the smell", the vacant or haunted look in the eyes, it gets me wondering. Was it booze, drugs, a mental illness, sexual addiction, a sick soul, or what? I'll never know, but I'm starting to see people who are hurting bad a lot more clearly now.

NoChoice

LOL! You are funny GPJ! I am one (alcoholic), I married one (alcoholic after I have been sober for 12 years) and I still can't see them coming much less codies! I think I know where I am with it all because I want nothing from no one until my "picker" gets a little better honed! LOL!

GiveLove

I can see them, smell them, and hear them from several feet away. Usually it manifests itself as skin crawling, like a cold chill. Used to be I was attracted to them because all of that was so familiar and "normal" like a comfortable cocoon (of sickness). It's hard to believe that now.

steve11694

guineapigjude;

you are killing me.

i can proudly say my aw was a barely social drinker for the first few years. I witnessed her "convert"

steve11694

Cbrown,

Your comments echo my own thoughts. Especially the disheveled people with crappy skin. Some appear to be walking zombies to varying degrees.

booze, drugs, and/or mental illness I can understand, but does sexual addiction in of itself really do that??? you are scaring me 555

DesertEyes

Yes it does. My ex is addicted to sex, particularly with married men. Addiction to _anything_ will destroy a person, because it makes us "sell" our soul for the ever-decreasing feeling of peace that the addiction brings us.

As a codie, I'm addicted to relationships. Especially with sick people that can keep my mind busy covering up their disease, and my soul anesthesized by feeling that I am a good person cuz I'm "rescuing" somebody. That distraction of the mind and dulling of the soul is common to _all_ addictions.

If I stray too far from my own recovery, I will find some other addiction to quiet my soul. That's where the "Yet" slogan comes from. I am not a sex addict... yet. I am not a cocaine addict... yet. I am not a food addict.... yet.

"Yet" stands for "You're Eligible Too".

Mike

FormerDoormat

These days I've learned to wait until someone asks me for help instead of offering unsolicited help to them. Just because I believe someone has a problem doesn't mean that they feel the same way. So it's not surprising that offers of unsolicited help are frequently met with hostility, disdain, or indifference.

I don't spend any time in bars because they tend to attract people with drinking problems and that tends to bring out my unhealthy tendency to want to shape people into the kind of people I think they should be. Obviously, that gentleman thinks he's fine just the way he is.

swmnkdinthervr

Recognizing an alcoholic is no chore for me...I look at one every morning in the mirror. That said I'm quite adept at picking out alcoholic behavior in others but it was a long time before I could pin down the drunk in me.

I rarely approach folks actively drinking because it would have been dangerous to offer me advice while I had a drink in my hand...

Mr. Christian

Well yes I see them right off the bat.
But it's not my place to say anything.

WantsOut

I don't want to go too far the other way and start scowling and being grumpy at everyone who has a few too many. There are cartloads of people who are normal drinkers, even if they get drunk now and then, and I try to remember that.

That said, a few months ago I did talk to a man who was overweight, had broken blood vessels around his nose, looked bleary and seemed to me to be a classic alcoholic. I did not say a word except about our business.

As for going to bars, I have gone to after-work happy hour a few times and just drank cola. No one gave me any trouble. There was one co-worker who was much younger than I am by about 15 years. She was very tipsy and one of the men was pawing her. I felt glad that those days and troubles are far behind me, and I decided that guy was a class A creep. however she is not underage and should know her limits. Again I kept my opinions to myself.

Mr. Christian

WARNING DRINKING POLICE :codiepolice

Miss Pink

His alcoholism is allergic to your recovery, hence, like I avoid pollen, he avoided you!

:atv

tryingtoheal

"Yet" stands for "You're Eligible Too"

Never heard this, but will definately keep this in mind in all aspects of use!