tellus

I haven't quit drinking yet. I've been trying to taper, with some success. I'm planning on doing a hospitalized detox at the beginning of the year, with an IOP after that. Great, right?

But part of me is still telling me I don't want go though with it. A big part of me. As much as hate it, I still want to drink. I've seen so many tragic stories on SR, relapses and bottoms... Why don't I want to stop? I've seen how far down people can go. Do I really have to get to the point of having no job, no apartment, etc?

Do you really have to hit rock-bottom in order to start recovery?

1963comet

No, you do not have to loose everything. When I first quit, it was like a devil on one shoulder and a angel on the other. It was like a split personalty or something. Part of me wanted to stop and another part of me wanted to drink. But, I can tell you quitting was the best thing I ever did.

I do not miss drinking at all. I really hope you choose to try it.

Pinkcuda

"Rock Bottom" is such a relative term. But no, you don't have to hit anything before you quit. What sets you off this week may not bother you at all next week. The decision to quit comes at a time when you think you have enough of the grief that alcohol causes you. Who knows, your life may start getting better before you quit in most aspects but you'll still reach a point that you just can't take any more. I prefer to use the term "Last Straw" when it comes to quitting time.
The thing I can't understand is that if you still want to drink like you said in your post, why are you wasting time and effort into Detox and IOP? Nothing "Magic" is going to happen in there if that's what you're expecting.

parentrecovers

i think you get to decide when you've hit bottom. that's the "good thing" about rock bottom - you have the power to choose.

hugs, k

December15

I think the idea of having to hit rock-bottom before quitting is very dangerous. For many rock-bottom means a trip to the morgue.

bugsworth

Tellus, For me I feel as if I got off the elevator at the ground floor. One more drink could have taken me to the basement. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired...so I quit. The freedom that comes is awesome, you too can do it, you need to want it.

hairgirl

When you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, maybe then you will quit.I guess it's allot easier to keep doing the same thing than it is to change.I hope you find the strength to say, "enough is enough" and move on.

mikel60

Hey Tellus,
I believe I stopped just in time - that it couldn't get any worse. Rock bottom, right? What I know now is something I hear quite a bit at meetings of AA - every bottom has a trap door. It can get much worse. Let today be your bottom. Drinking and drugging again is like searching for that trap door. Trust me, if you don't find it you'll probably fall through it. Stop now.
Mike

tellus

Thanks to everyone for the replies.

'Cuda, you nailed the thing that's worrying me most. I really want to be ready to quit, and I truly believe I am ready... But what if, somehow, I'm not? I don't want this to be a wasted effort.

Thus far, for me, tapering has been okay. Because my main non-alcohol issue is severe anxiety, the knowledge that I don't have to go cold turkey (and that my doc suggested I do it this way) has been comforting. In the past, if I tried to stop all at once, I'd freak out and end up binging.

Krissy41

I do feel for you. I deal with this with my son he suffers from anxiety and when he tries to stop cold turkey it becomes worse. He has tapered off alot but has his moments of binging. I do wish you all the best, and just remember we all love you. :ghug

slash

As it's been said -- it is certainly different for everyone. You get to decide. You obviously have decided there is an issue with your drinking -- that's all you need. My opinion is..since you know you have a problem, why not "quit while you're ahead"? No sense waiting for your world to come crumbling down, right?

Regarding your question "Why don't I want to stop?" I am not an alcoholic because I hate alcohol...I'm an alcoholic because I LOVE it!! I just hate who I become when I allow it into my life. Alcohol isn't evil. It's a liquid. Without my manipulation, it just sits there, harming no one. As an alcoholic I am wired to allow myself to focus on that as opposed to the destruction that occurs when I step into the picture.

If you want to stop -- tell people. Don't keep it to yourself. Tell people close to you. You will be less inclined to go back to old ways than you were all those times you told yourself that you would cut down or stop and DIDN"T tell anyone.

I wish you all the best!! The fact that you are asking questions is huge. You can do this...and the beauty is -- It's up to you.

gypsytears

Hi Tellus . I don't know how to answer your question... it's interesting. Has drinking caused enough problems in your life that there's a good reason to stop? I'd start there with trying to decide. I have a feeling you're ready or almost ready though by your actions thus far .