aasharon90

Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

By the Grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to take a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.

For that and you I am truely
grateful.

Have you ever had to make a
tough decision in ur recovery
and wonder if it was right or
wrong?

I have and continue to everyday.

At this time in my life I had to
make a decision to whether
or not attend my sons wedding
tomorrow, Saturday held in
Houston.

I have 2 children both AWESOME,
REMARKABLE young adults....Both
have succeeded in all areas of
their young lives thus so far.

Im so proud of them....however....

My situation....separated by
distance since last Dec. ....
after a 25 yr marriage....i
longed to return to my home-
town for 10 long yrs and a
miracle happened to where I
blessed.

I left the family behind to
embark on a new chapter
in my sober life. To finally
take care of me.....

I was blessed with 2 beautiful
gifts and raised them with
help and guidance from Above.

I did my duty and now they are
in good shape....

However tomorrow is a big
day for my son....important
day in his young life and i have
chosen to not attend.

Why you ask? Because all my 25
yrs marriage i was over powered
by family members who seem to
be smarter than i.....

I gave all i had...with what i had
and thus with my disease i myself
felt like i was different than the
rest.....

I was 8 yrs married when a family
intervention took place and was
set on the path of recovery....so
my kids were little ones at that
time.....they were made aware
of my recovery and have known
how important it is in my life....

Anyway.....i couldnt make them
understand my behavior as a
recoverying alcoholic no matter
how hard i tried.....

I truely got sick and tired of the
struggle within myself and prayed
hard daily for the right answers to
ease my pain....

Today im here in my hometown
of Baton Rouge, La.....a place
i love so much....its my roots...
my life, home, recovery....
where my recovery family
lives....

My spouse chose to remain where
he is and thats ok with me....its
his life......as for my kids...sure
i think they r somewhat sadden
by my choices in life....but they
r mine....

I believe they are fine where they
r without me and in good hands....
They r strong independant little
people and i have faith that God
will guide them and care for them
as should be....

My decision whether right or wrong
is my own.....and at this moment i
have no regrets.....and if yrs down
the road i look back on this decision
then the close i made today is
something i will have to live with
for the rest of my life.

Continueing to turn my will and life
over to the care of my HP as I
understand Him on a daily bases.

Thanks for letting me share.

SaTiT

still In the wash, rinse, and repeat.

There's a lot of forces at the moment in my life
the prevents me from moving forward...
no, it's not a relationship issue.
And it's not my decision.
I've been doing the foot work, over and over again
for the past 90days...something about red tape.

I feel at the moment that my life is beyound my
control. People making decisions for me. And that
would be in the relationship department too.

It's a dangerouse place for me to be in.
I don't mind truning my life over to god.
It's the human thing that troubles me.
This is when i start self sabtaging , bascailly if I use
it's just an extension of that. it's a good thing I'm not
a slasher.
I don't know...in my mind...if my life is going to be ****
anyway....it would be my chioce. Not sure if some
people can relate to that..I F%$k things up becuase
even if it F-up, I'm awear it's F-up.
It' my way of saying F_you it's my life...and F- ur red tape
and BS, and I'm not going to make a lyer out of anyone
since you all think am a F-up anyway.lol
Not going to go into the ya be da be do..BS i relasped crap.
I don't have another recovery in me.
F that BS...i didn't work my steps right ...i worked the damn
steps 5 to 6 times already.

I feel what i feel...I'm just trying to not react to it.
it like 5 mins at a time for me.
it passses..then it comes back..it passes then it comes back.
I feel like a damn lunatic.lol

Regrets is a powerful word in my neck of the woods.
Sometimes i feel regrets for missing the boat.
oh no...you don't want regrets. it's like a never ending nightmair.
Havn't had to use over it yet. It F^%%ks with me more when
things just are so right, thou.

Something is holding me up right now...it's not me.
if you belive that. FOOT prints in the sand...rather, rather.