obsessed

This afternoon she texts me from a crack house in Alabama and says she through living like this and she was coming home and I was like wait a minute!! She said I have to find a job, she never had any interest in that before. Anyway, I get off work at 10pm, got home and she was just kicked back and I was trying to talk to her but I could not get the words to come out and she gets up and goes to bed!!!!!!!!!!! WHY?????? She did tell me on the phone that she had been stealing food to eat. I don't believe a word she says!!! I am so disgusted right now!!! Please give me something to work with here!!!

Wascally Wabbit

I wish I could come up with some big words of wisdom, but they escape me right now. I know how frustrating our children can be. Just keep yourself calm, and don't be manipulated. She'll come around when she is truly ready. Maybe she's been thinking about it and really considering getting better.

sleepygoat

Suggest bringing her to an NA meeting, when she wakes up. I think her reaction to that will tell you alot about where she's really coming from.

marle

Actually I can believe it. It is what addicts do. Sorry for your pain. But addicts will say anything to get what they want. And right now she wants food, a soft bed to sleep in and a few days to get herself together so she can start over again. I hope that this time is different. I pray that she wants recovery. But you have been through this a few times before. Nothing changes if nothing changes. If she can come home everytime she runs out of money and drugs, get recharged, maybe get a few bucks from you, then she will just keep doing it again and again. I know it is hard, but maybe it is time that you tell her that your house is no longer an option for her and that it is time she finds another way. Like I said, I hope this time is when she really decides she has had enough. Hugs, Marle

Elana

Suggestion?

Go to the hardware store and when she goes out, change out the old locks with the new ones you just bought. Lock the house. Do not open the door or let her in.

Leave her things on the porch with a note on top telling her you love her and with a list of shelters and treatment programs she can apply herself to.

marle

Obsessed, Think of it this way. Your daughter has a large gaping wound (addiction) and you keep putting a bandaid on it. It does not get better because the bandaid is just a temporary fix. But that bandaid allows her to think that it is okay. Has she really accepted that she is an addict. Addicts tend to not have insight into how much their using affects the people that love them. She can find her way to a crack house, she can find her way to recovery. You can love her, you can try to prevent the consequences, but it is all up to her to find the help that she needs. Set some boundaries. Tell her that staying with you means that she must work a recovery program and stick to that boundary. No using in your house or she is out. If she is serious about wanting help, she will do whatever is necessary to get help. Don't be her soft place to fall. I know that I did not want to hear that when I came to SR. I wanted to think that my daughter was different and that my love could make a difference. I have learned that it can't. So today I give my daughter the dignity of making her own choices and I just love her. I don't give advice. I don't give a soft place to fall. I don't give money. I just give her my love and I let her decide when enough is enough. Sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but addiction is insanity at its finest and we have to protect ourselves and live our lives the best we can no matter what the addict does or does not do. Getting ourselves healthy is the best gift to give the addict. And ourselves too. Hugs, Marle

mooselips

obsessed,
I'm sorry, I don't remember if you are attending meetings, or not. Meetings are important, because they give you a face to face support system, and someone you can contact, when you feeling your strength dwindling.

I think you need to come up with what you can, and cannot live with. This girl is just pulling your chains, here. In fact, she has your number, and can and will, say anything to get back in your good graces.

You need to come up with some boundaries. Some rules with consequences, that YOU know you can enforce when she doesn't abide by them.

Hugs,

lostparent

No advice just wanted to send some hugs an prayers ..