md20

Hi all,
Well what a weekend it's been. Friday night i decided i'd drink again.

"Im only 20, im at uni-living with other students who all drink and party and im not an alcoholic really....i can't be...well maybe...but i've got to make sure, and besides this time it will be different... i'll control it...."
Yep this was the 'insane' thinking they talk of in A.A, that preceded my drinking fri night. So anways i go buy a litre bottle of vodka ( so it would last me a good few nights....) and went to party! Well....not exactly infact i never even made it out the flats as i was passed out by 10pm. (I strted drinking at 8pm) i can't remeber anything but apprantly, before i passed out, i was making a fool of myself...suprise, suprise! So after been taken to bed and then waking up in a round 4 am in a wet bed, i got up still wasted and went banging on ppls doors looking for my bag and phone, which luckily i found. Needless to say the next day i was v v remorseful. I cannot believe i drank- but at the same time im an alcohilic- thats what happens if i dont do whats suggested and listen and share.

So onwards and upwards anyroad. I'm back on track now. Atleast now i know 100% im an alcoholic, i was even making up excuses that its because i drank vodka the next morning - i was seriously considering going out and trying it all over agin- but just drinking beer or something. Anyway thankfully that moment of madness soon passed and i now realise that it doesn't matter what i drink - i may even of had a couple of 'safe' drinking sprees after friday night, but then i know the same old uncontrollable madness would come straight back to bite me. So yeah, just thought i'd share this- feel better for getting it out. If anyone out there is tempted to go out and drink again i strongly advise u dont!!!! I know it's about 'going on your own journey' etc- but if u can learn from my mistakes and not get hurt personally it saves a lot more upset! Well glad to be back on the road to recovery anway and back to step one with my sponser this week.

Kellye C

Thank you for sharing this. I could totally see myself in your post and am thankful of the reminder of how it used to be and how it would be if I were to pick the drink up again. So, are you convinced 100% yet? If you are truly an alcoholic it won't get any better, only worse if you continue these "tests". The AA definition of insanity is so very true for alcoholics. We try the same thing over and over again (trying to drink sucessfully) and expect different results. Well, over time my results were different all right, they were progressively worse and never better.

There is a way out when you are ready and plenty of people, myself included, to cheer you along the way.

Take care,
Kellye

Pinkcuda

At 20 I knew I was different too. I never put two and two together though. I came close a couple times to admitting I was an Alcoholic but thankfully I could just lower my standards a little and continue to drink. I hope you don't do that because it took another 20 or so years of drinking before I called it quits. By the time I was 25 I was a full blown Alcoholic. By the time I was 30 I was a full blown Alcoholic that didn't care anymore. My response to anyone that called me an Alcoholic was "So what" followed by a muffled belch.
I didn't read the writing on the wall when I was your age and it had caused a lot of suffering for all of those involved. I hope you're smarter than I was.

CarolD

Lot's of us had false starts on our way to solid recovery.

Good to know you are trying again

lostmdboy

So now that you know you are one of us. What are you going to do about it????

md20

Thanks for your messages of support guys, really apreciate it.
Lostmd boy- ow i know 100% im gonna start my steps again with my sponser, do everything she suggests and pray that friday was my last drink. I never, ever want to go back there now- all false ideas of glamorous and xciting drinking have gone. I know i cannot drink with safety. I know im an alcoholic and im grateful for my 2nd day of sobriety and for S.R. and A.A.

Rowan

Welcome back, Mandi.

Missymae737

Good to have you back Mandi...:morning

stone

Mandi, your post just played a large part in me not drinking today...

I had to go for tobacco and all the way to the shop I was 'planning' to get vodka, when I got to the shop my head wouldn't turn to look at the booze, lol.

When I say 'planning' I mean my head was toying with the idea seriously.

I had just got back from the dentist where I needed extra anaesthetic again and it just seems to trigger me, it's weird.

Reading yours and a couple of other posts here played a part in me not doing it, thankyou.

Now, get to a meeting and phone your sponsor! LOL!

NEEDTOBESOBER

at 20 I had a drinking problem but took me 22 yrs to figure out that I was an alcoholic, I wish I had realized it back then cause I knew I had a problem but was in denial for years so if you have the chance quit drinking while your young cause the older you get the harder it is!:praying

parentrecovers

welcome back to recovery, mandi. i admire your honesty and maturity. you've really come a long way. hugs and support to you, k