I make him feel guilty
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I make him feel guilty GOOD! !!
He feels guilty when I can't find my wallet or keys I can't understand it cause I know I am not blaming him for it.
I think he has a good reason to feel guilty or it would not phase him that I couldn't find my whatever....Anyway...
He feels guilty when I can't find my wallet or keys I can't understand it cause I know I am not blaming him for it.
I think he has a good reason to feel guilty or it would not phase him that I couldn't find my whatever....Anyway...
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
To end any confusion he has stolen money out of my wallet and taken off in my car many times without even asking me (mostly when I am asleep).
Now when I can't find my wallet or keys it makes him feel guilty...cause he always puts them right back where he found them I suppose...
I am seeing a strange kind of justice over all the guilt I have felt when he goes out and binges on dope for days on end.
I am a ogre that goes to the bank and pays bills and takes all of his money and makes him feel guilty so what.
He is dry but he is still the same as he was cause he refuses to deal with his stuff...
Now when I can't find my wallet or keys it makes him feel guilty...cause he always puts them right back where he found them I suppose...
I am seeing a strange kind of justice over all the guilt I have felt when he goes out and binges on dope for days on end.
I am a ogre that goes to the bank and pays bills and takes all of his money and makes him feel guilty so what.
He is dry but he is still the same as he was cause he refuses to deal with his stuff...
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: reality
Posts: 156
I have been doing all I can to make the xabf feel guilty and start forking over something to help pay his debt off to me, and he feels quitly and it just makes him drink or use drugs, and then I get mad because he wasted money on that, when he could have used it to help pay off the debt. the old vicious cycle...
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I believe guilt has it's place but don't blame me for your feelings of guilt. Just like I ain't gonna blame you for something I feel guilty about.
When I feel guilty I look at the imbalance. Some times when I feel guilty it's not for the reason I think. Guilt and addiction they fit together like a hand in glove.
The person I have been the worst to by far is myself and at this point in my life I am looking at my guilt over being very harsh, neglectful, and blaming of myself. I have been overly responsible for others and not responsible enough for myself and I am going to work real hard to bring balance to that. Thank you very much for reading this...
When I feel guilty I look at the imbalance. Some times when I feel guilty it's not for the reason I think. Guilt and addiction they fit together like a hand in glove.
The person I have been the worst to by far is myself and at this point in my life I am looking at my guilt over being very harsh, neglectful, and blaming of myself. I have been overly responsible for others and not responsible enough for myself and I am going to work real hard to bring balance to that. Thank you very much for reading this...
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Guilt is something I learned at my mother's knee.... and of course, she was the first alcoholic/addict in my life. 
I can't MAKE anyone feel anything.
Most of my sober addicts are dry... they don't work a program. But I have discovered that life brings some of the same lessons. My mom is a better person today than she was 27 years ago when she got sober. She has learned to be less selfish and more giving. She has learned to find better outlets for her rage. She has listened more and demanded less.
But it has been slooooooowwwww, and she still has those days.
Program isn't the only way to get it - but it is one of the most efficient and effective packaging I've been exposed to!
The rules are just good sense. Be kind to others - it comes back to you. Believe in something bigger than yourself - it facilitates selflessness. Hang with winners. Growing up is doing the right thing -when you don't want to.
All those things are taught by civic groups, churches, families, associations and almost any organization.... but the learning takes a bit longer.
I wish him the best, Splen - and you, too.
((hugs))
I can't MAKE anyone feel anything.
Most of my sober addicts are dry... they don't work a program. But I have discovered that life brings some of the same lessons. My mom is a better person today than she was 27 years ago when she got sober. She has learned to be less selfish and more giving. She has learned to find better outlets for her rage. She has listened more and demanded less.
But it has been slooooooowwwww, and she still has those days.
Program isn't the only way to get it - but it is one of the most efficient and effective packaging I've been exposed to!
The rules are just good sense. Be kind to others - it comes back to you. Believe in something bigger than yourself - it facilitates selflessness. Hang with winners. Growing up is doing the right thing -when you don't want to.
All those things are taught by civic groups, churches, families, associations and almost any organization.... but the learning takes a bit longer.
I wish him the best, Splen - and you, too.
((hugs))
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Well several posts on this thread were lost in the crash so I will invite anyone who's post was lost to repost....also I would love to get some more feed back from others on this subject.
I to repost some too when I have time....
I to repost some too when I have time....
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I am trying very hard to tell when I am operating from a place of guilt. I have found that I operate at least 10% of the time on guilt.
What seems to make me feel the most guilty right now is my current money situation. The more I am able to look at this guilt about money the more I can see my social and personal conditioning about money. I am really broke right now by the way... how did I get so broke?
I got broke because I started believing BS about my life, about the econnomy, rising prices, President Bush, blah, blah, blah. I am blaming my false concepts and other factors that are beyond my control.
Blame and guilt go hand in hand so it seems for me at least. I can be in control of my false beliefs cause that is about me. I know I can adapt to the factors beyond my control and make them work for me. Am I the creative individual I claim to be or not?
It doesn't matter what anybody else is doing or not doing. What matters is what am I doing or not doing?
Thinking is a very big part of what I am doing. I see that thought almost always preceeds my actions. Thought is action. My thought has a lot of power in my life.
When I am blaming anything for what I am doing that is just being immature and I am not accepting responsibility for myself. Not taking responsibility for my action or lack there of makes me feel guilty which makes me want to blame other people and factors outside of my control. tisk tisk...
What seems to make me feel the most guilty right now is my current money situation. The more I am able to look at this guilt about money the more I can see my social and personal conditioning about money. I am really broke right now by the way... how did I get so broke?
I got broke because I started believing BS about my life, about the econnomy, rising prices, President Bush, blah, blah, blah. I am blaming my false concepts and other factors that are beyond my control.
Blame and guilt go hand in hand so it seems for me at least. I can be in control of my false beliefs cause that is about me. I know I can adapt to the factors beyond my control and make them work for me. Am I the creative individual I claim to be or not?
It doesn't matter what anybody else is doing or not doing. What matters is what am I doing or not doing?
Thinking is a very big part of what I am doing. I see that thought almost always preceeds my actions. Thought is action. My thought has a lot of power in my life.
When I am blaming anything for what I am doing that is just being immature and I am not accepting responsibility for myself. Not taking responsibility for my action or lack there of makes me feel guilty which makes me want to blame other people and factors outside of my control. tisk tisk...
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
This is a good thread, Splendra, and sadly the last crash lost hundreds of thousands of posts here.
But the spirit remains and reading even what is left of this thread, I can feel your courage and strength as you wrestle that demon called "guilt".
Guilt, blame and shame serve no useful purpose, not to the person against whom it is directed and least of all to the person carrying the poisonous burdon.
Hugs
But the spirit remains and reading even what is left of this thread, I can feel your courage and strength as you wrestle that demon called "guilt".
Guilt, blame and shame serve no useful purpose, not to the person against whom it is directed and least of all to the person carrying the poisonous burdon.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: oz
Posts: 92
I struggle with guilt too. I feel guilty for just about anything and everything. I feel guilty for looking out for myself and I feel guilty for spending money and I feel guilty for voicing my opinion or leaving a mess. Sometimes it makes sense and sometimes it doesn't. I'm really trying to learn how to let it go and figure out why I feel it. I know I feel guilty over money because I lived with an addict for so long. Even though I was spending as little as possible there was never any money and it was often insinuated that I was spending all the money. So I felt more and more guilty when I did spend money. I'm trying to find a balance with the money thing. And the longer i'm away from my addict and living a healthier more balanced life the less guilt I have. . . great thread Splendra!
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((splendra))
I'm a little bit confused, probably because of lost posts here, but here is a different view on guilt in some cases. Sometimes, guilt is used as a weapon, a means of getting even, and even a score board. I used to use guilt against people who had wronged me, I used it like a club. Whack! You feel guilty, you deserve to. I would even use guilt to degrade and undermine myself. It gave me something to blame, him, me, it really didn't matter.
I wanted him to feel guilty, it was the closest thing to him being sorry for anything, that I ever came to. It felt good if he felt guilty, it was almost like it was the only thing that ever got through to him and made him "appear" to have a conscious. It made him unconfortable, I felt like it was the only thing that made him feel even a smidgen of what I felt, and I wanted more. I really wanted him to feel so guilty that he would change something. But it never worked. But it did feel good. Then I would start feeling guilty about my feelings, I felt dirty.
Guilt and Blame, were always my safety net and my quick sand. I used it to justify things that happened, I used it to answer why. I used it because I had to have a tangible reason for everything, and if there was no tangible reason, I could always turn that guilt and blame on myself, or the closest person that had wronged me. It always went hand in hand with my deep seeded anger. Once I could address what I was really angry at without placing blame or guilt, that was the beginning of peace for me.
I don't know if I'm totally off from your post or if any of it helps, it seems that there are a couple of things going on. I'm just giving my experience with it all.
Hugs and Prayers Splendra, you are very creative by the way, don't dought that about yourself.
B
I'm a little bit confused, probably because of lost posts here, but here is a different view on guilt in some cases. Sometimes, guilt is used as a weapon, a means of getting even, and even a score board. I used to use guilt against people who had wronged me, I used it like a club. Whack! You feel guilty, you deserve to. I would even use guilt to degrade and undermine myself. It gave me something to blame, him, me, it really didn't matter.
I wanted him to feel guilty, it was the closest thing to him being sorry for anything, that I ever came to. It felt good if he felt guilty, it was almost like it was the only thing that ever got through to him and made him "appear" to have a conscious. It made him unconfortable, I felt like it was the only thing that made him feel even a smidgen of what I felt, and I wanted more. I really wanted him to feel so guilty that he would change something. But it never worked. But it did feel good. Then I would start feeling guilty about my feelings, I felt dirty.
Guilt and Blame, were always my safety net and my quick sand. I used it to justify things that happened, I used it to answer why. I used it because I had to have a tangible reason for everything, and if there was no tangible reason, I could always turn that guilt and blame on myself, or the closest person that had wronged me. It always went hand in hand with my deep seeded anger. Once I could address what I was really angry at without placing blame or guilt, that was the beginning of peace for me.
I don't know if I'm totally off from your post or if any of it helps, it seems that there are a couple of things going on. I'm just giving my experience with it all.
Hugs and Prayers Splendra, you are very creative by the way, don't dought that about yourself.
B
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Thanx ya'll for the replies!!
((((frankly)))) Your reply means a lot to me. I do not wish to make or contribute to anyone elses guilt. I want to take resposibility for myself. I want to be able to catch myself before I do something that leads me to feeling guilty.
(((((Midnightfrost))))) I think we are in a very simular place with our guilt I can really relate to what you wrote!
I want to be free. I don't want to carry someone elses guilt for them which has weighed me down so much in my life. I think there is healthy guilt the guilt that motivates change is healthy I think. The guilt that starts looking for a good excuse turns to blame then it gets worse if not dealt with and turns to shame.
((((frankly)))) Your reply means a lot to me. I do not wish to make or contribute to anyone elses guilt. I want to take resposibility for myself. I want to be able to catch myself before I do something that leads me to feeling guilty.
(((((Midnightfrost))))) I think we are in a very simular place with our guilt I can really relate to what you wrote!
I want to be free. I don't want to carry someone elses guilt for them which has weighed me down so much in my life. I think there is healthy guilt the guilt that motivates change is healthy I think. The guilt that starts looking for a good excuse turns to blame then it gets worse if not dealt with and turns to shame.
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
splendra - guilt has its place and purpose for those that do attroshious (sp?) things, or play games, or messes with peoples heads, or intends to do harm to another. I don't think you would fall under any of those, when you do your best, with your best intentions, there is never anything to feel guilt or shame about. We as codies though, tend to find a way to feel guilty about things we may not have thought about, we hold ourselves to such a high standard that we put pressure on ourselves to know every outcome of every action and how our actions contribute. At least I do.
By the way, off topic a bit, the other day when the web site was having problems, your avatar was sped up so much her hands and feet were blowing smoke I swear. When I saw it, I laughed so hard I cried. At the time, I wondered if maybe it was a reflection of what you were going through.
Hugs
B
By the way, off topic a bit, the other day when the web site was having problems, your avatar was sped up so much her hands and feet were blowing smoke I swear. When I saw it, I laughed so hard I cried. At the time, I wondered if maybe it was a reflection of what you were going through.
Hugs
B
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