SkyIsFalling42

My daughter signed her legal rights to her children over to the DHS a couple weeks ago. It has been such a long hard struggle with her..she attacks and blames me all the time, she is 22 years old. I have not spoken to her since she signed her kids away, but she was here yesterday to get some of her things. When she comes near me I feel as though I will crumble onto the floor in a heap of bones. I shake all over and am upset for a long time after being around her. She has basically sold me and her kids for drugs and alcohol many times. I had a nightmare 2 nights ago about her in which she scratched big hunks of flesh off of my legs, arms and back. I have tried to help her so many different times in so many different ways for so long, I know that I cannot help her. I worry about her fate now..how she can live with what she has done, afraid she will kill herself. But on the other hand, I do not ever want to see her again, cannot tolerate being near her. I have never felt like this toward one of my kids before, am I a freak?
During the years my kids were growing up I done everything to educate them about the effects of drugs and alcohol..they have seen it in my brother and the deaths of family members. When I became pregnant in 1980, I left any drinking partying friends behind, did everything I could to keep my kids from that lifestyle..It hurts so badly that one of my kids found that life anyway, and to watch her rob herself of her very soul.

Thanks for listening
Love in spirit
Sky

phoenix

As parents all we can hope for is to do our best with what we have at the time.it sounds like you did that.You were the best parent you were able to be.but the results are out of our hands.Sometimes our kids break our hearts in spite of all we do to prevent it.don't beat yourself up.You took care of your kids to the best of your ability.Now it's time to take care of yourself.if that means distancing yourself some,then go ahead and do it.Give yourself the time and space that you need...its ok.

phoenix

ODAT

All you can do at this point I'm guessing is to constantly keep turning her over to God. She really is in HIS hands and somehow, no matter how hard it is to believe, thats where you all, we all are.

You will be in prayers as will your daugher and grandchildren.
May He bless you and keep you/us all sane and somehow help you through all of this.

2many2count

Sky,
You have done the very best you can do for your daughter and now you have to let go. Phoenix and Taira said it all very well.
Your daughter is an adult now and has made some very adult decisions in her life. This is the path that she has chosen and she will have to live with that. YOU need to take care of YOU! She can take care of herself. As Taira said, She is in God's hands.

Please take care of yourself and I'm praying for you and thinking of you often.....


Your sister through recovery,
2many2count

Ann

Sky

My hugs and prayers go out to you too. Sadly, you can't fix her but there are so many things you can do to help yourself so that you don't feel so sick about everything. If you have not been to Al-anon or Nar-Anon, try a few meetings. These meetings are about US and looking after our needs, feelings and codependency. They can save your life - I know they saved mine.

And as a mother of an addict who has done everything I could to try to "fix" it, I can tell you that none of this is your fault. It goes right back to the 3 "c"'s - Didn't cause it, can't change it, can't control it.

I have read your posts and seen your strength, courage and sense of humour, and I hope you know what a wonderful person you are and that you can have a happy fullfilling life reagrdless of what she is doing.

JT

Sky,

My heart goes out to you. I have had to find ways to be grateful for even the smallest things in life and in many ways that is a gift. Without the pain we don't appreciate the wonder.

Give Alanon a try. It had been the most valuable gift in my life.

Hugs,
JT

SkyIsFalling42

Sisters in recovery
Thank you so much for all of your support. There are just some things that I really, really struggle with, and this is one of them. Every emotion is flying around in my mind concerning my daughter-I think im feeling things now that I didnt before I found out about the PTSD. It just seems so horrible to me...to be so mad at her that I could jump on her and choke her..I wont of course...I have not allowed anger in my life, until now. I went running to my counselor when I felt these feelings..they are so alien to me, especially toward my daughter..I feel like I love her but cant stand her. Like im scared to death she will die some how with her choice, but I never want to see her again? All of these emotions are upside down where she is concerned. She has hurt me and her children so deeply and she has to live with that. So the first part of that sentence makes me mad, and the second part makes me scared about what will happen to her?
Gosh im confused:p
Maybe I will find an alanon meeting close by...have never went before but probably could help me understand some of this.
Thanks again for listening ladies, you are a real treasure to me!

Love in spirit
Sky

liddy

((((((Sky)))))
my thoughts and prayers are for you and your daughter.

I have an alcoholic daughter and know the feelings of love/hate what it has done to her life.
I keep the hope for her future but my recovery remains my top priority and the only thing i can do something about.
God Bless
liddy

Ann

Sky

I am giving a little bunny slipper nudge to get you to that meeting (very codependent of me don't you think? )

It's no picnic going through the emotional turmoil that we go through every day, but meetings and working a 12-step program can save your life - it saved mine.

Sending hugs and prayers and I hope today will be better for you.

LettingGo

Sky,

Well I really do feel for you. 22 is young and it has to be so difficult as her mother to watch this happen. It might be best right now that the kids arent with her....??? I can really relate to the feelings of being totally shook up after seeing her. The dreams etc..... I was like that (still am at times) with my ex husband. When I would see him I would literally get sick to my stomach, shake, cry, and be mentally drained by the end of the visit, fight, or whatever the situation was. I would have dreams he was chasing me, or trying to kill me, or lock me in rooms etc... I am sure a dream analyst would have a great time with my dreams. I have often wondered why and how he could so deeply affect me. Now I am not an expert by any means here, but I did find that when I began to truly work the steps thru Alanon meetings, that I did learn ways to let go of that deep resentment, fear, anger and everything else that was buried inside of me. I got tools to learn how to stop obsessive thoughts, ways to look within and fix me, ways to not feel that guilt. I could go on and on but the point is that the tools are there thru Alanon. You just have to take that first step to reach out and grab them. It is so freeing, and in taking back some control over yourself, you will find peace. God loves your daughter and watches over her. May he watch over you too during this time. Good luck and get your but to a meeting!!!!
Hugs,
LG

SkyIsFalling42

Thanks ladies..
Think ive decided to do one of three things...go to a meeting, maybe go to a meeting, or I could go to a meeting!!
I think all three are good choices.

Love in spirit
Sky

margo

(((((Sky))))) How about a meeting? I'm really glad to hear that you're going to give it a try - can't hurt, and will only help. Let us know how it goes, okay?

Love and hugs.

liddy

sky
a fellow in one of my groups has a good one, theres only two times when you go to a meeting, " when you want to " and "when you don't want to.

SkyIsFalling42

Love in spirit
Sky