tanyapmc

Thanks again for all of your replies. It helps so much to not feel alone.

I did talk to the doctor today. I have an appointment tomorrow at 8pm. Yes, 8pm. He is a bit of a night owl. The first time I saw him in rehab it was 12 MIDNIGHT.

I am just glad that I am getting in soon. He will completely understand my aversion to pills.

And I will listen to him.

tanyapmc

Looks like I am all alone on this thread.

I went to the dr. He wants me to take paxil. I still don't want to take it. Had a little fight with my husband. He does not think I need them.

Why is life so ******* difficult?

tellus

Paxil did me a lot of good, for a long time.

If I may ask, what's your husband's reason for not wanting you to take antidepressants?

Impurrfect

(((Tanya))))))

I don't know if you're like me, but for me to make ANY change, I have to be pretty darn miserable. I did the same thing when I had to take antidepressants a few years ago (mine was situational, but it was pretty bad). I cried, pitched a fit, but eventually took the AD. My dad thought they would make me high (this was way b4 I became an addict). After a couple of weeks, he realized that all they did was make me functional again. I could finally concentrate on something for longer than 2 seconds.

Whatever decision you make, we're here for ya!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

tanyapmc

Thanks Amy and Tell for your support. It really means alot to me.

I am pretty sure that my husband is just worried about a relapse. Pills were the answer to all my problems for a long time. What he does not realize is that him acting like a ******* jerk makes the depression worse. I have to do what I have to do for me. I realize that. I cannot worry about him at this point. If he wants to open up about how he really feels then we can talk about it. I feel like he is "punishing" me. If that makes any sense. I am just frustrated with everything right now.

leeside

Well you named an anti-depressant so here is information about it taken from Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paxil

Paroxetine (Paxil, Seroxat) is a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) antidepressant. It was released in 1992 by the pharmaceutical company GlaxoSmithKline. In 2006 it was the fifth-most prescribed antidepressant in the United States retail market, with more than 19.7 million prescriptions.[1] The prescription of this drug is controversial because of side effects such as suicidal ideation and withdrawal syndrome which have resulted in legal proceedings against the manufacturer.

Evidence has shown that paroxetine has among the highest incidence rates and severity of SSRI discontinuation syndrome of any medication of its class.[1],[2] Common paroxetine withdrawal symptoms include repeated electrical shock sensations of the brain and body (see "brain zaps"), vertigo and hot flashes.[20] Suicidal ideation is a frequently reported experience in those withdrawing from SSRIs.

(End of excerpt about Paxil)

Prozac (very much the same thing as Paxil) very near killed me. It was extremely hard to withdrawal from and made my life a hell getting off of it. I was on the minimum dose for less than a year. I was also seeing a doctor regularly before during and after.

tellus

Half the battle is done because you realize that, I think.

Leeside: Prozac was the best thing that ever happened to me. Not saying it didn't f*ck you up majorly, but for some of us it really did help. Of everything I've been on since I was diagnosed at 14, Prozac was far and away the best, and I had few to no withdrawal symptoms.

Impurrfect

Tanya -

I totally understand about the "punishing" part. In my case, though, I felt like I deserved to be punished (guilt, shame, etc.) and figured I had to take whatever someone dished out because of what I put them through.

It took a while for me to be able to stand up for myself. When something I had done when active was thrown in my face, I would say "I'm sorry I did that, but I can't take it back. I'm not the same person and I'm not doing what I did then". I had to say it a few times before I really believed it.

I'm a long way from perfect and I still make mistakes. But I'm trying to learn from them, and I'm being responsible for my life (work, pay bills, reliable, etc.)

I also had to accept that things may be brought back up for a long time. They are getting fewer and fewer, but it is very frustrating.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

tanyapmc

Thanks again for all the support.

I did not sleep too well last night. I thought depression meant you could sleep alot. I would love to just sleep until I am better.

parentrecovers

hugs to tanya!

leeside

You are off all drugs now that you have completely withdrawn or did you just switch from one drug to another?

Most everyone goes through some kind of hell to get completely off. IMO

A lot of Heroin addicts will say that Heroin is very blissful and it is the best thing that ever happened to them too. That can go for just about every drug.

This should not be a place that touts drug use (of any kind). It should be a place that helps prevent people having to recover in the first place.

How many people here have to step up and say how bad anti-depressants have done to them?

Just do a search on posts about anti-depressants and you will see. I can remember a lot of people here saying how bad anti-depressants have done to them.