Im not coping...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Gisborne New Zealand
Posts: 539
Im not coping...
once again I dont feel I have a right to post here as Im not serious about quitting.
Hubby has gone back on meds and is staying at a caravan park but he comes here very night to see the children then I make him tea and he has a bath then goes. Im torn as Im so proud that he now knows that he needs to be medicated for his bi-pola and am wanting to show him that I love him and support him but.. I want a break too I need a break to get "me" back on track Im worried that if Im on a welfare is he allowed to visit I feel sick beacause if I say to him dont come round as much he will crash and lately he and eldest daughter are getting on actually cuddled as she has less stress cause dads not staying here at night getting on her back. Im having a wine now as I feel like Ive had it why the hell fight karama or whatever it is I must of being bad bugger in my past life cause of all this its getting to the point where I wish I could sit in a dark room and not move!!!
I truely want to give up prehaps this path Im heading I cant stop Im confused and feel like im in a dream :0(
enough waffling from me I just had to put m y thoughts down
Hubby has gone back on meds and is staying at a caravan park but he comes here very night to see the children then I make him tea and he has a bath then goes. Im torn as Im so proud that he now knows that he needs to be medicated for his bi-pola and am wanting to show him that I love him and support him but.. I want a break too I need a break to get "me" back on track Im worried that if Im on a welfare is he allowed to visit I feel sick beacause if I say to him dont come round as much he will crash and lately he and eldest daughter are getting on actually cuddled as she has less stress cause dads not staying here at night getting on her back. Im having a wine now as I feel like Ive had it why the hell fight karama or whatever it is I must of being bad bugger in my past life cause of all this its getting to the point where I wish I could sit in a dark room and not move!!!
I truely want to give up prehaps this path Im heading I cant stop Im confused and feel like im in a dream :0(
enough waffling from me I just had to put m y thoughts down
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Ang...
ok. Some tough talk time, sweetie.
you need to find out - today - whether Chris visiting each night is a violation of the order...I suspect it is - and you DO NOT want to lose your kids.
and on that point...I know it's tough for you right now - but you *know* that drinking is no good for you - and hon, it's certainly not good for your kids with you as their sole parent at the moment.
That Karma excuse is a p*ssweak one Ang, and you know it.
You must have AA numbers Ang...ring them...please ? If you go too far down the booze road...what's gonna happen to the kids ?
email me if you like. I'm not mad, but you need a kick up the bum....
D
ok. Some tough talk time, sweetie.
you need to find out - today - whether Chris visiting each night is a violation of the order...I suspect it is - and you DO NOT want to lose your kids.
and on that point...I know it's tough for you right now - but you *know* that drinking is no good for you - and hon, it's certainly not good for your kids with you as their sole parent at the moment.
That Karma excuse is a p*ssweak one Ang, and you know it.
You must have AA numbers Ang...ring them...please ? If you go too far down the booze road...what's gonna happen to the kids ?
email me if you like. I'm not mad, but you need a kick up the bum....
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Gisborne New Zealand
Posts: 539
thanks Dee
point taken ...*hangs head in shame* how do I tell him this? he just dosnt cope with rejection. I feel like Im pulled in all these different directions and its driving me nuts!! :0(
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 984
Sometimes Anj we need to think about the things that are most important to us. Ourselves first of all, but what comes next? Him or your kids?
Painful truth is that if he keeps coming around, someone is going to see him or the kids are going to get mad or something is going to happen where some one is going to find out and your kids will be taken. Then you'll be in the same boat you're in now only without your kids. My mother went through a similar situation and had to give my father up. As much as she loved him and wanted to see him get bettter, she knew that if she did she would not have had us kids.
Now she's gone and I am grateful to her that she made that decision.
In the future are your children going to be grateful that you made the same decision or will they resent you for chosing him?
It's a tough choice hon, believe me I know. But think about them and how all of this will effect them in the future.
I love my mother for the choices she made.
Painful truth is that if he keeps coming around, someone is going to see him or the kids are going to get mad or something is going to happen where some one is going to find out and your kids will be taken. Then you'll be in the same boat you're in now only without your kids. My mother went through a similar situation and had to give my father up. As much as she loved him and wanted to see him get bettter, she knew that if she did she would not have had us kids.
Now she's gone and I am grateful to her that she made that decision.
In the future are your children going to be grateful that you made the same decision or will they resent you for chosing him?
It's a tough choice hon, believe me I know. But think about them and how all of this will effect them in the future.
I love my mother for the choices she made.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
I know hon...pick that head up...just check it out...and if it is a problem - let Chris know that, HOWEVER NICE IT MIGHT BE, it can't happen - not right now. It's not your fault. You just have to go along with the law for the moment Ang...
D
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
Angi, TRIGGER!!!!!
I don't know you but I know what happened in my life. My husband wasn't allowed near our home or our daughter. Without question I worked to keep her safe but I,too, continued to drink at home. I knew it was terribly wrong. My daughter's caseworker made surprise visits but usually called a few minutes before she showed up. I never started drinking until I knew the "important" people were off work.
Then to my surprise and disgust, my caseworker called me at work and told me that my soon to be ex was out in the lobby waiting to tell her that I was leaving my daughter home alone when I went drinking every night....which was a total lie. She had my old records from in the 70's telling about my going for alcohol treatment. She gave me some very strong advise as to what I should do and of course promised she wasn't going to fall for my husband's lies.
He was on probation for child sexual abuse of our daughter and was trying to get me put in jail and our daughter taken into foster care. He had not served his jail time yet and made my life miserable.
I also was required to attend this support group for parents with children that had been abused....most of the moms there had let their children go with relatives so they could keep their husband home, marriage together, and money coming into the house. I had advanced way past these ladies and was told that I would not have to continue to go. But I had to be very careful about my drinking. My neighbor's even told me that my husband came to look through my garbage can on garbage day to see what all was in it. Revolting, but reality, so curtailed my drinking to an evening with friends that I worked with where my daughter could come with me and also had other kids to play with. Several of us would throw a sleeping bag on the floor and stay all night. It was more safe but insanity but that showed me how much I was addicted to alcohol and alcoholism was my game at this time, thinking I was outwiting everyone.
I was lucky but my skin still crawls when I think of the jeapordy I was putting my daughter in....she would have ended up with neither parent.
kelsh
I don't know you but I know what happened in my life. My husband wasn't allowed near our home or our daughter. Without question I worked to keep her safe but I,too, continued to drink at home. I knew it was terribly wrong. My daughter's caseworker made surprise visits but usually called a few minutes before she showed up. I never started drinking until I knew the "important" people were off work.
Then to my surprise and disgust, my caseworker called me at work and told me that my soon to be ex was out in the lobby waiting to tell her that I was leaving my daughter home alone when I went drinking every night....which was a total lie. She had my old records from in the 70's telling about my going for alcohol treatment. She gave me some very strong advise as to what I should do and of course promised she wasn't going to fall for my husband's lies.
He was on probation for child sexual abuse of our daughter and was trying to get me put in jail and our daughter taken into foster care. He had not served his jail time yet and made my life miserable.
I also was required to attend this support group for parents with children that had been abused....most of the moms there had let their children go with relatives so they could keep their husband home, marriage together, and money coming into the house. I had advanced way past these ladies and was told that I would not have to continue to go. But I had to be very careful about my drinking. My neighbor's even told me that my husband came to look through my garbage can on garbage day to see what all was in it. Revolting, but reality, so curtailed my drinking to an evening with friends that I worked with where my daughter could come with me and also had other kids to play with. Several of us would throw a sleeping bag on the floor and stay all night. It was more safe but insanity but that showed me how much I was addicted to alcohol and alcoholism was my game at this time, thinking I was outwiting everyone.
I was lucky but my skin still crawls when I think of the jeapordy I was putting my daughter in....she would have ended up with neither parent.
kelsh
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Angie,
You've gotten some good advice about your situation with your husband, and with your children.
As one mother to another, please stop drinking. I lost my eldest daughter because of my drinking and inability to focus on her needs. I was too busy with my current boyfriend. Your children deserve a sober parent. I understand that you're in pain right now - but enough is enough. Go back to AA, and get yourself back on track.
Sober or drinking, this situation with your husband may or may not improve, but one thing for sure - if you continue to drink, you stand to lose everything.
Enough. Throw out the booze, and reach out for help.
You've gotten some good advice about your situation with your husband, and with your children.
As one mother to another, please stop drinking. I lost my eldest daughter because of my drinking and inability to focus on her needs. I was too busy with my current boyfriend. Your children deserve a sober parent. I understand that you're in pain right now - but enough is enough. Go back to AA, and get yourself back on track.
Sober or drinking, this situation with your husband may or may not improve, but one thing for sure - if you continue to drink, you stand to lose everything.
Enough. Throw out the booze, and reach out for help.
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Ang please stop the drinking... do it for your children if you need to use an excuse instead of wanting it for yourself. Your current marital situation is not a healthy or happy one for you and dangerous for all. You need to think of the children... they need a stable sober parent. Like Rowan said from one mother to another. I am the mother of 4 and I know I am lucky to have sobered up when I did... some damage has been done and I've worked real hard to rectify my relationship with my kids.
Your husband is in some hot water right now , deservedly so. I know it's hard but you have to get on with YOU getting better and he needs to work on himself. Stop feeling guilty about causing him to go downhill. He's done it to himself and he'll have to deal with the consequences of his actions.
Here in the USA when there's a restraining order (no contact) there are rules that must be followed. I'm sure your paperwork spells out precisely what is allowed and what isn't. If there's a provision for him to have contact with the children that's one thing... if he's not to be around YOU then YOU are in violation and could face jail time or at the very least an unhappy judge. I don't know the exact ruling for your case so forgive my generalizations. Also my repeating what others have advised.
I think you can see that you have people that care for you whether you know it or not. Do what Dee said and use some AA #'s. Please hun... just do it
. You have to get straight or you'll lose everything. Can you get into a formal outpatient type of program in addition to getting to AA???
Your husband is in some hot water right now , deservedly so. I know it's hard but you have to get on with YOU getting better and he needs to work on himself. Stop feeling guilty about causing him to go downhill. He's done it to himself and he'll have to deal with the consequences of his actions.
Here in the USA when there's a restraining order (no contact) there are rules that must be followed. I'm sure your paperwork spells out precisely what is allowed and what isn't. If there's a provision for him to have contact with the children that's one thing... if he's not to be around YOU then YOU are in violation and could face jail time or at the very least an unhappy judge. I don't know the exact ruling for your case so forgive my generalizations. Also my repeating what others have advised.
I think you can see that you have people that care for you whether you know it or not. Do what Dee said and use some AA #'s. Please hun... just do it
. You have to get straight or you'll lose everything. Can you get into a formal outpatient type of program in addition to getting to AA???
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 2
Dont beat yourself up. or it will be harder for you to stop. Hug yourself love yourself even when you fall, you are an innocent caught up in this vicious cycle. Forgive yourself. I wish you didnt have to go through this.
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