mama3

Guys I feel so guilty because I don't believe my husband. He has drank the entire time we have been married and it has progressively gotten alot worse over the years.
He hasn't drank anything now in almost two weeks and he says he is 'quitting'.
He has never said that to me before. He has said "I will try to cut down" and it has never last very long.
He has never said "Quit" before. I feel quilty because I don't believe him. It came about to quick I think. One day he is telling me I will do something about my drinking when I am ready and not before.............the next he is "quitting".
He says he does not need AA or anything else.
I am scared to death I feel like I am being CONNED!!! I think he is up to something.

wpgwoman

Hey mama3,

Reread this quote. That's why there is no need for guilt. If he is to quit drinking overnight, don't expect your feelings to change that quickly.

Trust your gut. It has pulled through for me on many occasions. Try not to let these feelings control you, but be cautious. Watch for those red flags, if they are there, you'll see them.

Good luck.

Pick-a-name

I guess it does not matter whether you believe him or not (and at this point,why would you?!). His actions will tell.

From what I have seen and read, this is not unusual.......sometimes it leads to admitting that he DOES need help and other times it is a different method of trying to "control".

Best of luck,to you both.

Keeping the focus on yourself (hard as that can be) will probably serve you best,imho. Glad you are here.keep posting!

Rella927

Mama-

I denied my gutt so many times before in the past, it was easy to do then because my only concern was my A and others around me. I forgot about the most important person ME and ignored the gutt!

Today I do not ignore my gutt and today it is mostly gutt feelings of normal fear of something like someone riding on my tail while I'm driving-or any thing that would normally put fear into us. I no longer fear what people say or do or think!

I also have seen and read a lot to know that there are positive outcomes and negative outcomes when the A decides to tell us they are going to quit. IMHO I do not believe that someone can stop an addiction of this magnitude overnight without any type of help. So trust your gutt-and be gentle with yourself-as hard as that can seem to be.

Try to work on the guilt because you honestly have nothing to feel guilty about, you have done nothing wrong. He has choices and so do you-no reason to feel guilt about feeling the way that your gutt tells you!

Have you checked out any Al-Anon meetings in your area? Just a thought.....

Hang in there!

elizabeth1979

One of the cool things I learned in my recovery is that I dont have to feel guilty for my feelings. Even if he isnt up to something, his past is the logical reason you dont trust him. He has shown you in the past that he doesnt quit drinkgin..past behvior is the best predictor of future behavior..why would you believe him?

Once you let the feelings run their course, can you try to focus on something else, so that you dont become consumed by them..even if you are right (and probably are) dwelling on his actions and what he may or may not be up to may end up eating you up!

MsPINKAcres

Recovery has allowed me the ability to tell the A's in my life a very important thing -

"due to the previous behaviors, I am unable to base my decisions on your words or intentions. It is in my best interest and the best interest of our family, to base decisions on actions."

That was the most loving way that I could take care of myself and still show them healthy compassion.

No matter how they respond or react to this boundary - it's about my sanity & serenity.

My recovery program lets me know that I can protect myself by only trusting people that have proven themselves to be trustworthy.

Wishing You Serenity & Joy,
Rita

mama3

Thanks to all of you..........my awesome new friends!!!

wpgwoman

Thank you so much for this Rita. You managed to put into words exactly how I have been feeling. I often have a difficult time articulating how I feel to my A, clearly what you have written is what needs to be said. Your post has been incredibly helpful.

Thank You

Wascally Wabbit

You're smart to recoginze your feelings instead of denying them! Hoorah for you!
When someone drinks or drugs, they are difficult to trust. So, there's no reason for you to feel guilty.

keepingmyjoy

"due to the previous behaviors, I am unable to base my decisions on your words or intentions. It is in my best interest and the best interest of our family, to base decisions on actions."


Wow...that is awesome. I might need that phrase tomorrow. thanks so much.

Mr. Christian

So many times I see on this board that people feel guilty.
Guilty for what really?
Guilt is for those who do something wrong. You have done nothing wrong. Trusting your gut and knowing how a person really is can not be wrong.
Time will tell.

rkymtncowboy

My AH doesn't need meetings either but the counselor told her today she needs 90 meetings in 90 days.

Don't feel guilty and trust you gut!