Seeing daughter this week
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Seeing daughter this week
Well she called and wants to meet and go out to eat. Neutral place, she doesn't want to come here and I don't want to go there. Now I need you all to remind me to keep my mouth shut and my ears open
I absolutely know that she is not ready to quit yet. I think that this is going to be hard yet I feel it is necessary for me to do this. I don't know why as I have not seen her since March 7th and most of our interactions since then have not been positive. I don't want to talk about addiction but she does not have a life outside of drugs. I don't want to feel sorry for her if she looks bad, yet I know that the mother in me will. I know I should just stop worrying and let what happens, happen. Any other suggestions? Hugs, Marle
I absolutely know that she is not ready to quit yet. I think that this is going to be hard yet I feel it is necessary for me to do this. I don't know why as I have not seen her since March 7th and most of our interactions since then have not been positive. I don't want to talk about addiction but she does not have a life outside of drugs. I don't want to feel sorry for her if she looks bad, yet I know that the mother in me will. I know I should just stop worrying and let what happens, happen. Any other suggestions? Hugs, Marle
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
(((Marle)))
I guess just try and remember there are no victims we are responsible for our experiences and how we get there, we pull them towards us. What we put out
there we seem to get back 3 full cups. But it is our learning pattern, trial and error, and she is responsible for that your not. If she didn't learn and change this on her own she would never know just how powerful she can be. You can still see be the beautiful person she is just keep yourself centered and before you go have a good day. Do a few special things for just you. You still living your life, staying strong and being the good person you are doesn't mean you love her any less.
I know you already know all this, just reminding you, I know this will be a good thing, but hard for you.
Can't wait to hear how it goes.
(((Marle)))
I guess just try and remember there are no victims we are responsible for our experiences and how we get there, we pull them towards us. What we put out
there we seem to get back 3 full cups. But it is our learning pattern, trial and error, and she is responsible for that your not. If she didn't learn and change this on her own she would never know just how powerful she can be. You can still see be the beautiful person she is just keep yourself centered and before you go have a good day. Do a few special things for just you. You still living your life, staying strong and being the good person you are doesn't mean you love her any less.
I know you already know all this, just reminding you, I know this will be a good thing, but hard for you.
Can't wait to hear how it goes.
(((Marle)))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Marle,
I can't help but think this is a positive step. Keep your expectations low. I know there will not be much to talk about since her world is different than yours. You can always talk about Petey and your job starting back to school and all. Ask her if she cooks much and what she likes to make. Maybe you could surprise her with a little tube of new lip gloss or something. Girls love to get new lip gloss. It might make her feel pretty. I don't think it is enabling to give a small gift. Do what you do as a mom......You have a lot to offer and remember she loves you no matter what.
Prayers for a positive meeting.........Hugs, Lois
I can't help but think this is a positive step. Keep your expectations low. I know there will not be much to talk about since her world is different than yours. You can always talk about Petey and your job starting back to school and all. Ask her if she cooks much and what she likes to make. Maybe you could surprise her with a little tube of new lip gloss or something. Girls love to get new lip gloss. It might make her feel pretty. I don't think it is enabling to give a small gift. Do what you do as a mom......You have a lot to offer and remember she loves you no matter what.
Prayers for a positive meeting.........Hugs, Lois
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
If it was me, the only thing that I can think of doing would be to plan to the meeting to occur as soon as possible, in order to have less time to awfulize about it.
That may sound like a cop-out but I think I would be feeling exactly the same way you are right now. I can't prepare for the unknown but I can control when, where and for how long I would be putting myself in such a situation.
And, marle- without having any expectations, maybe she won't bring more bad news. It might even turn out to be a nice visit. I hope so.
That may sound like a cop-out but I think I would be feeling exactly the same way you are right now. I can't prepare for the unknown but I can control when, where and for how long I would be putting myself in such a situation.
And, marle- without having any expectations, maybe she won't bring more bad news. It might even turn out to be a nice visit. I hope so.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: tn
Posts: 663
I am glad she called you and wants to meet. Marle, you usually do the right thing with your daughter. You have been a great example for many of us here at SR. I think your heart will let you know what to do.
PS - I do have some extra duct tape if you need it though. lol
Hugs
Terri
PS - I do have some extra duct tape if you need it though. lol
Hugs
Terri
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I like the idea of planning it soon so you don't have time to awfulize.A restaurant's a good place..neutral and if you aren't sure what to say, you talk about the menu...the weather...what you are doing. If you are relaxed and nonjudgemental, she'll take the cue. I know you know this too...it's just hard when it's your little girl. Hugs...I'm glad she wants to see you...No matter how far she has been sucked in, she still wants to reach out, still knows you love her. You're a good mom and a wonderful person Marle. You give me strength Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: At the zoo
Posts: 244
Marle
It's great that she wants to meet you. When I'm not sure what to say I don't ask questions and it might be good to let her know what's been going on in your life, it really throws them for a loop when the realize that as mothers we have a life...... It's also a good time to let her know that you love her even though you may not approve of the choices she's made. I would try for low key and no drama and a roll of duct tape just in case.......
It's great that she wants to meet you. When I'm not sure what to say I don't ask questions and it might be good to let her know what's been going on in your life, it really throws them for a loop when the realize that as mothers we have a life...... It's also a good time to let her know that you love her even though you may not approve of the choices she's made. I would try for low key and no drama and a roll of duct tape just in case.......
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Marle))))
I'm glad you'll be able to see your daughter, but I understand how hard it must be. I know my dad would come down every few months, track me down, and buy me lunch and we would sit it in the park and talk.
I know once we started out fighting, but we calmed down. My dad does NOT have a program of recovery, so I'm sure I pushed a lot of buttons. He filled me in on what was going on in the family and the rest of the world. He also begged me to get help but listened when I told him I just wasn't ready.
I wasn't easy for either of us, but I know it helped me because as much as I hated what I was, what I was doing, and wasn't ready to stop, I knew, without a doubt, that he loved me. I guess a teeny tiny part of me realized I couldn't be ALL bad, if my family still loved me. I know dad said it was hard seeing me like that, and leaving me there, but he never regretted it. I think he also was able to look through my appearances and felt that as long as we could still talk and say "I love you" when we parted, then it was worth it.
Don't know if this helps any....just my experience from the "other side".
And by the way, I admire the way you deal with life. I want to be like you (and some others here) when I grow up
Hugs and prayers!!
Amy
I'm glad you'll be able to see your daughter, but I understand how hard it must be. I know my dad would come down every few months, track me down, and buy me lunch and we would sit it in the park and talk.
I know once we started out fighting, but we calmed down. My dad does NOT have a program of recovery, so I'm sure I pushed a lot of buttons. He filled me in on what was going on in the family and the rest of the world. He also begged me to get help but listened when I told him I just wasn't ready.
I wasn't easy for either of us, but I know it helped me because as much as I hated what I was, what I was doing, and wasn't ready to stop, I knew, without a doubt, that he loved me. I guess a teeny tiny part of me realized I couldn't be ALL bad, if my family still loved me. I know dad said it was hard seeing me like that, and leaving me there, but he never regretted it. I think he also was able to look through my appearances and felt that as long as we could still talk and say "I love you" when we parted, then it was worth it.
Don't know if this helps any....just my experience from the "other side".
And by the way, I admire the way you deal with life. I want to be like you (and some others here) when I grow up
Hugs and prayers!!
Amy
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
I'm glad you're going to see your daughter. I like the idea of getting her a lip gloss, it will make her feel good as well as you. The conversation will be what it will be no matter what you plan to talk about so as everyone here said, just be you. I feel like you are one of my friends because of the kind words and words of wisdom so I'll bet my goat you'll handle it just fine. (bet my goat, sheez, how old am I)
prayers for you to have a perfect day with her.
prayers for you to have a perfect day with her.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
Gosh, I know how you feel! I think, and in my experience, as much as we don't want to see them like that, they need to know they are loved. They don't like what they are doing, and to make them feel worse doesn't help anyone--I'm in therapy!! I say go, and just love her! That's really all we can do and pray, that she is on her way back. I think it is a great sign she wants to see you after all these months, maybe some of the fog is lifting.
Prayers, hope and love,
susan:ghug3
Prayers, hope and love,
susan:ghug3
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Sometimes, I rehearse some things I MIGHT need during these meetings...
"You could be right..."
I love you.
"That won't work for me."
I love you.
"Wow, that sounds like some tough stuff."
I love you.
"What do you think about that?"
I love you.
And I have a really good song that I listen to when they start quacking... I keep it in my head and just "turn it on" when needed...
"It's a small world"
Damn. That song is like a needle in the brain. Can't stop hearing it. And you know what? I also can't hear a lot of the stuff my kid was saying... just keep smiling and chewing.
((((Marle)))))
PS. I love you, girl.
"You could be right..."
I love you.
"That won't work for me."
I love you.
"Wow, that sounds like some tough stuff."
I love you.
"What do you think about that?"
I love you.
And I have a really good song that I listen to when they start quacking... I keep it in my head and just "turn it on" when needed...
"It's a small world"
Damn. That song is like a needle in the brain. Can't stop hearing it. And you know what? I also can't hear a lot of the stuff my kid was saying... just keep smiling and chewing.
((((Marle)))))
PS. I love you, girl.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 6
Hi Marle....
I know with my hubby, when things are all weird and all I want to talk about is the gigantic elephant standing in the room, sometimes just "talking" is good. About the weather, about stupied stuff...
It lets me know that when he talks with me that he really does still love me and that gives me hope that he's going to come out of this thing...I hope you guys understand what I'm trying to say!
Good luck...Don't talk about that elephant...ya both know it's there....
G.
I know with my hubby, when things are all weird and all I want to talk about is the gigantic elephant standing in the room, sometimes just "talking" is good. About the weather, about stupied stuff...
It lets me know that when he talks with me that he really does still love me and that gives me hope that he's going to come out of this thing...I hope you guys understand what I'm trying to say!
Good luck...Don't talk about that elephant...ya both know it's there....
G.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
