kj21

Hi, Well my SO came back for a couple days to go to some appointments and was supposed to leave yesterday. But he did not leave, says his plans fell thru in the other city...now he has no where to go, no money, nothing. He know he is not wanted at our home. He understands why. Says he would leave if he had somewhere to go. His work has given him an oppurtunity to get some councilling for depression, but it is here and a day program for two weeks. He flops back and forth to taking his holiday pay and quitting the job he hates anyway (been there 10 yrs.) and moving to another city and finding a new job...or staying here and trying the councilling. But I don't want him on my couch, it is half his house so I can't make him leave but I am afraid if I make him leave, he is being forced to quit his job. He told me last night that he really understands how much i have put up with and he knows it is his problem that he has to leave the house. He takes full responsibility for his problems, but I just can't help feeling so sad that he really has nowhere to go...Help. I want to be strong, but I need to know he will be OK too!

TrishaV

You need to make sure he is okay....hummm...doesn't it kill you that all-the-while they are the addicts and using and doing things that come close to killing themselves and we are the ones, in the end, left to worry whether they are going to be okay? This person is not going to be okay if they are still using and neither are you if you allow yourself to be part of it. Personally, in my daughters case..she would be gone for weeks at a time, walk back in the house acting like nothing ever happened. Where was she for those weeks...who knows..but..someone was willing to put up with her for that long...why not longer?? I feel this way...I will no longer be put out of my house for something that I DID NOT DO OR CAUSE. Disease..as some may call it....reality is what I call it now. She knew when she was not consumed by drugs that was she was about to do...would not only create a conflict in our household but would leave her with no place to live...did that stop her...NO.

Believe me, if he has his set of friends who party with him...he will not go homeless...and..if he is...this may be the rock bottom that he needs. Sorry to sound so mad, but..my gosh..how much do people honestly think others should take before saying enough is enough??

cece

[QUOTE=kj21;1524607] He told me last night that he really understands how much i have put up with and he knows it is his problem that he has to leave the house. He takes full responsibility for his problems, QUOTE]
If he was taking full reponsibility for his problems he wouldn't be coming to you. My husband is good at this. He doesn't do it to be mean, he does this because I let him and he doesn't know any other way to solve his problems. I never made him/gave him a chance to. I understand how you feel,How hard it is!, and reading your posts makes me think I need to work on my boundries with him.

kj21

Thanks Anvilhead, I needed that kick in the ass to strengthen my back bone! It is hard to see soemone we love struggle, but you are right, he made me stuggle many times and kept doing it. He gets it, now I have to really get it.
I kinda get the feeling that he wants me to really be tough and kick his ass out, like he needs to know I will be OK with him gone. Does that make sense? Like it will release him and he won't have to worry about hurting me anymore.

duet_4-8

I haven't been around much lately, so I don't know your story (except that it is most likely just like mine...) but I have to second what anvil said.

:codiepolice

Impurrfect

I don't think it really matters whether he wants you to kick him out or not. I wish you could focus on what YOU want and how YOU feel.

Trust me, when I was an active addict I could ALWAYS find somewhere to go. From what I see he is still all talk, no action. How can he talk about moving to another city when he can't even seem to find a place to go right now?! When I got out of a diversion center, I had $200 and had to stay in a cheap extended-stay motel that was on the busline so I could get to work (I didn't have a car). A friend (also from the diversion center) became my roomate. We worked our butts off, and both saved just enough to put down payments on used cars. Basically, we both put all the energy we had once used to buy/use dope, to get back on our feet.

I promise you - what Anvil said is right. An addict is used to finding ways to get what they want or need. He can, and will, manage just fine on his own. And if things go downhill for him, it's called dealing with the consequences.

I really don't mean to sound hard, but I know what I put my family through (and I never was around them when I was active) and I hate to see any other family go through that.

Try to put your focus on you. He brought this on himself and now he needs to deal with it. You deserve so much better than to be stressed out, worrying about how he feels or what he's going to do. Stick to your boundaries or he will walk all over you.

And when you start feeling sorry for him, read Anvil's post again!

Hugs and prayers!!

Amy

hope213

have you ever thought about shelters? he can go to one if you tell him to leave.there is always options for them.we do not have to do anything we are not comfortable with. there is also councilling in other towns.my opinion is kick him to the curb.take care of yourself.