Jomey

HI yall- The last couple days have been crazy at my house! As they say, when it rains it pours! Everything is going hay wire! In the midst of all this chaos, I find myself going through an hour or two in the early evening where I can hear my addiction voice saying "you would feel so much better if you had a drink", but I am not really tempted. Does that make sense? I guess it is so much a part of my pattern of thinking that the thoughts are there without any desire to drink. Unfortunately, the times when the thoughts are most persistent are when I have to deal with kids, dinner, homework, etc. so I am kind of limited in how I handle them. (can't go to a meeting or get here to SR or even spend more than a minute or two relaxing) I have been using mental affirmations to counteract the thoughts, even though I don't really want to drink. I feel like I am kind of afraid of the thought, that it might lead to cravings. I hope this is making sense, it is kind of hard to define. I tell myself to let go of the fear, but I am not there yet.

Right now it's kind of a minor thing, but I love the time when my kids are home with me in the evening, and it is just sort of bothering me. I don't like being afraid to "think" something, of being afraid that it might lead to something else.'

Anybody else ever experience anything like this?

Dee74

Yeah Jomey...thoughts like that are common in early sobriety - I still get em sometimes at 6months plus...

but they're just thoughts - we don't have to act on them....and they aren't necessarily a harbinger of bad times ahead...

we're just creatures of habit...and our habit, til now, has been to drink...and think about drinking

relax !!

D

Anna

It could be just part of adapting to a new way of living and thinking. I think part of recovery is learning new ways to deal with real-life situations. And, I think I understand what you mean. I have to be careful with the 'dark' thoughts. I can allow them in briefly, look at them and then send them on their way. I can't wallow in them like I used to or it could lead to a bad place.

Jomey

Thanks for the responses, guys....Dee...OMG! I do need to relax...I only gave you one "thanks"....I have been thinking...you know what would be really, really relaxing for me....a beach vacation...in a nice, sunny bungalow with a sober friend to keep me company...maybe even someone who could use a very directive sober friend to help said friend unpack (PURGE!) and decorate said bungalow....hmmm...

Anna, thanks for understanding...It is somehow very reassuring just to know that someone else "gets it"!

Dee74

LOL I was thinking I might have to start a raffle for that position, Jomey...but you sound like you *really* need it...so...

LOL
D

Evanna

One of the things that really helped me in the early days was to be kind to myself around those thoughts and develop a gentle internal dialogue with myself.

My thoughts would go something like this;

'i wanna use'
'of course you do honey, but thats ok and real normal'
'but i wanna use'
'thats ok, its normal. Big cuddles. Lets just get this washing up done together'.


Someone once said to me dont get in the ring with a heavyweight because you will get knocked down. I took that to mean dont start squaring up and getting into a fight with my addiction because it is bigger than me. So when i get those thoughts i try not to do battle with them cos if i fight them they might just knock me down. Thats just what works well for me. It is about acceptance i guess.

I guess in the above i am doing much as Anna says 'looking at them briefly' and then getting on with it.

Sounds like you are doing just this too and doing it really well.

Warm wishes
Evanna.

Jomey

I WON THE DEE RAFFLE - LOL - HOW AWESOME!!!!!!!!:Wstrand Be there soon! LOL


Evanna - Thank you so much! For the great example of gentle self talk and for the encouragement. I like the analogy of not getting knocked down by our addictions - and you are right, they can't knock us down if we arent even fighting. thanks for a truly awesome post.

wylielass

OMG, I can absolutely relate! Right now, I'm so freaked out that I really don't want to drink. But there's a part of me that says "You wouldn't feel this uptight if you'd just relax with a glass of wine". And even though I don't want to drink, I'm afraid that the mere thought will then lead to desire, and desire will lead to doing. We addicts are a funny lot. If we don't have something to worry about, we'll create it! (Or maybe that's just me....?)

My best to you!!!!

Impurrfect

Jomey -

I can relate and I've got almost 8 months. I still think of numbing the stress sometimes, but just as quickly I remind myself that I will totally hate myself if I did that.

I guess our addiction will always talk to us, but I'm finding it doesn't talk to me nearly as much as it used to. When I found out others had the same "voices", I realized it's normal and now I just think "okay, I hear ya but I don't want to go there".

Amy

calfritch

Jomey - i have been having the exact same thoughts but am acting in the same manner you are. i tell myself they are just thoughts and try to find something else to occupy my mind. keep strong!! and god yes a beach vacation sounds great....which is funny because i live like 8 miles from the beach!!

Jomey

Hi guys, thanks for all the support...Wylielass, I think you and I might be soul mates! Honestly, your thoughts are the same as mine, and yes, I will gladly think up things to worry about if there isn't anything real...holy smokes! I love being sober, but it is harder than I thought...although nothing like as hard as being a drunk! That thought alone keeps me going at times!

Impurrfect - thanks for sharing. It does feel better to know others are living through the same thing.

Calfritch - Thanks for the support! And if D rescinds on his "invitation", you may find me on your beach someday soon! LOL!

Have a good day all - its early morning here - just getting started! Hugs!

Tazman53

Jomey I used to think just like that a lot early on, an old timer told me "Hey do like I used to do, just make a decision to put it off until tomorrow to decide whether or not to drink or not." Sounded kind of dumb at the time, but when I got the urge again I did just what he said, I decided I would wait until tomorrow to decide whether or not I wanted to drink or not.

Today I still get fleeting thoughts of a drink, but they leave just as quickly as they came. Time and the steps have lifted that urge/need to drink from me, the thoughts pop up sometimes, but that obsession is gone.

Aysha

I have thoughts too..really habit reaction thoughts to situations. It is just habit I think.
I get them all the time without feeling urges.
When you are programed a certain way for so long it takes awhile to rewire.

Jomey

Taz, doesn't sound dumb at all - I will definitely use that. I think I am going to modify to "I'll worry about these drinking thoughts tomorrow". I really like that...isn't it amazing - the power of a few simple words?! Thanks!

Hey Chiy - hope you are doing well- You are right there about it taking a while to "rewire" - just as I was hoping for "instant" serenity a while back, you gave me a good reminder that I am not eligible for "instant" pattern chaning either. Thanks girlfriend!

Aysha

No but you got double Thanks...LOL...

Evanna

Hope it is all less chaotic for you there today Jomey. Although to be honest the chaos just gets worst in my house. We are all clean with it though so is all cool.

I like your signature. I have been clean a few years now and there is not a day goes by where i dont remember where i have been. I often forget where i am going though.

Jomey

Hey Evanna, Yeah, things have settled down a bit...husband got home last night from long business trip, kids started in a new school last Wed. which I have to drive them to (1/2hr. each way) which has made for quite a change in my daily routine (and I drive a big honkin' pickup truck, so the drive is hitting our wallets hard as well!), and each kid took a turn crying on Wed., Thurs., and Fri. morning about the new school thing, and my job is crazy right now. However, I made it through sober, the kids are cheerier, hubby is home to shoulder some of the crying.

I know this might not sound like a lot of chaos to some people, but to me, in my fragile state of newly sober, it is. I am grateful for your support and for checking in with me. When I woke up this morning, I was thinking, "dam, if I can get through a week like this without even a craving, I like where I am going!"

I like your signature too. If you ever get that handle fixed, come share it with me!

Evanna

Jomey, i think that is a lot in anyones book. The fact that you are dealing with it all newly sober is terrific. I am just sorry now that i am across the ocean as i would have really enjoyed a girls day out in your honkin pickup truck. How cool to own one of those!

Warmest regards
Evanna

Jomey

Hi Evanna - Thanks for the affirmation....it helps to know that i am capable of life without alcohol (and capable of life without "making something out of nothing!) and I am sorry too, that you are across the ocean, because I don't get too many takers for a girls day out in my truck - it has no muffler - just big steel pipes out the back and you can hear it a mile away! Puts me in mind of another Charlie Daniels quote "They call me a redneck, I reckon that I am!" Hope you are having a good day!

Evanna

Ooo...er missus. Big shiney pipes. Sounds good to me.

Everything is good here. Hubs has got a new job developing an outreach project in local town that has large drug problem and currently no services. I am so proud of him. We used together for many years before finally cleaning up together and I never knew there was such hidden strength beneath all that addiction. He is really dedicated to making a difference too.