bluenena

I hate feeling so out of control, and I hate feeling like I need to control everything. I know it is not my job. Why can't I let go.

I keep trying to let go and let God. Why can't I do it?

Why am I so panicy.

cece1960

Hi (((Blue)))
I've been where you are, and still slip back there occasionally.
For me, it came to the point that I was crumbling under the pressure before I would really "let go"
This may be where you are at now.
It wasn't easy for me to let go to an abstract concept and let things happen, but what I realized was that letting go didn't mean letting go of me, and my wants.
It meant quite the opposite actually, at least in my case
By letting go and letting God, or fate, or the universe, whatever feels comfortable, I was simply no longer running life and manipulating outcomes.

It took me quite a while to realize little of it was really in my control to begin with.
Worry, panic, stressing did nothing to change the outcome.

I actually had to mentally practice some reverse psychology:
I "went there" so to speak, to the worst case scenario, which for me was losing my son. It was painful. But it made me realize that it hadn't come to that, but I was living my life as if it did, or it would.

It was then that I realized I was living in a nightmare that hadn't occurred, and wasting my precious life in the meantime.

Thing began to change.

I no longer have to pretend that things are out of my control, I know they are, and I try my best to accept that. God really did a better job at protecting me and my loved ones than I ever could, and I began to trust that (it wasn't overnight though )

I know its hard, we're here for you

(((Hugs)))
Cece

nytepassion

Its a process .. be gentle with yourself

If you fall .. get up .. dust yourself off .. get back on track and keep going

As long as you keep trying you'll make it

******{Hugs}}}}}
Passion

BrokenBridges24

Cece is right. It takes time. Sometimes you have to reach out for a little extra help if you feel things are so unmanageable. There is no shame is asking for help. I have panic attacks. I know how low you can feel. Infact just this week I went to the doctor and I can not tell you how much better I feel. I am so much more positive. I find myself telling others you have to let go...you can not control it. There is really no need to sit and dwell in dome. I think what you need to do is get yourself outside. Do something for you today. Take a walk, go for a drive. Clear your mind and convince yourself that just for today you will not be negative. You will look for positive. Your a bright and beautiful person. You deserve happiness. You can do it but you have to start with you. You can not control your A. But you can control you and what you feel and how you take it personally. You did not cause it, you can not control it right? Right! Start on you. Go for that walk. Sit on the couch, and have a nice cup of coffee and put your head back and just breathe... It will be ok. You have to take a leap of faith on that before you can start walking in the light again. But you can do it. Honest!

Chin up... pick yourself up...dust yourself off and be positive.

((((HUGS))))
-Broken

PS Let us know how your day goes.

liesagain

Have you read Codependant nomore? Great book and also.......a small book that really had a big impact for me.....in seeing the ways I tried to control......and found ways NOT TO was.....getting them sober, its an old book small and easy to read but it was great information for me.

bluenena

Thank you,

It isn't even controling my A, I mean that is part of it but...

It is more than that it is mine children to I feel like I a overly worried about there lives. If that is possible. I mean they are my children and they are my first priority.

But like Cece said I keep living the worst case sinerio like how to I protect them from ever feeling any pain even in there whole lives. But I know that is not rational. They are their own people and will have to experience there own lives. I a scared to death that I will enable them in some way or mess them up some how. My childhood was less than perfect. I don't want them to live what I did. And that I can prevent to an extent. But then I think now what like I have to plan every single moment of every day. That is my needing to be in control. I know I need to let got and let things happen as they will. And control my reactions. I just feel confused. Like I should be doing some thing all of the time.

My anxiety has gotten so bad I haven't been able to work for 3 months. I a taking meds but it has only been a few weeks. I am trying to be patient. I am way to hard on myself, and MAYBE to easy on everyone else.

BrokenBridges24

Hang in there Blue. You will be okay. This is a very emotionally draining experience for all us. Just keep working on you. Hold your little ones close and do something that makes you smile today.

-Broken
Nothing is forever the good or the bad...