Spinner-007

It was good. I'll be going back next week.

For those who don't go, please consider going. It's great to have a live sounding board, as I've found the same things that were driving me crazy over my wife's addiction are the exact same things that was driving everybody crazy about their own family member's addiction.

You are not alone, here or at the meetings!

The one devastating realization I had this evening is that my wife has a synthetic heroin addiction(hydrocodone) and in alot of cases, this type of addiction will lead to the real stuff.

It's strange: It's easier to say she's addicted to 'pain killers' because it sounds so accidental, with the image of a white jacketed doctor handing her a little white piece of paper that'll give her something 'for the pain'. To me, it really sounds less serious than it really is.

Saying 'heroin addict' is street level: going to the corners, trading body for drugs, needles...

It's soul crushing. It's hard for me sometimes to look at my kids and thinking that their life, their happiness, and everything they know up until now will change unless she changes.

I start to hate her for that, REALLY HATE her for that, and then I just have to remind myself that she's sick. Can I really hate her if this was cancer, or TB, or something like that?

I guess I'm just starting to realize what I'm in for...

Thanks again for all the kindness and prayers. My family is going to need it...

Jbaby

I am sorry to hear you are going through this.

I am also in Baltimore, just joined today. Where was the meeting that you attended?

Hangin' In

Spinner,

Welcome to SR. I'm so glad you're here. And I am just so proud of you for seeking out and attending a meeting. It takes great guts, I know, to do that, to walk through those doors.

Glad to see you say you'll be going back. I'm telling you I wouldn't take $1,000,000 for what I've learned in the rooms of Al Anon. It's truly a life changing program which had made my life so much better.

Will keep you and your family in my prayers and we walk this road together.

Hugs,
Hangin' In

Hangin' In

Hey Jbaby,

Welcome to SR, too! So glad you've found us. You might want to start a new thread, introduce yourself, so to speak, so everyone can welcome you. They might not see you since you responded on this thread.

OOOPS....JUST SAW WHERE YOU HAD STARTED A THREAD EARLIER TODAY. SORRY JBABY. I'M A LITTLE SLOW TONIGHT (OR ALWAYS...)

So, anyway, you stick around. You're one of us now.
Hugs,
Hangin' In

greeteachday

So glad you found a meeting and that you will be going back. The more support I reached out for, the more I shared with others in similar situations, the more strength I regained and the more I could heal.

I understand what you mean about pain killers and heroin. My daughter was 19 when she told me (in a phone call to me at work) that she had started snorting heroin and was having trouble stopping. I had absolutely no idea...Knew she smoked pot but thought it was all part of "normal" teenage experimenting. Heroin...geez, i didn't even know it was around...or that one could snort it. I guess the only positive part of it was that I could not linger in denial...I sure knew that if she was using heroin and could not stop, she was addicted.

Your emotions are so normal in this situation...I think many times we have to go through the anger and other tough emotions before we can find compassion. I imagine it is particularly difficult when it is your partner and your see the effect on your kids.

I'm so sorry you and your kids are going through this. I'm so sorry she is too. I hope her time to embrace recovery comes soon. You are doing the right thing...The more you help yourself, the better for the whole family.

cece

tonight was my first meeting also. my qualifier is my AS. I have been going to Al-anon for the past month and am finding all I could ask for and more.Everyone was supportive and understanding just like here. Also I needed to see people who are finding peace and joy in their life even though nothing has changed. I have felt alone in this for so long I feel so uplifted even amid the pain and fear. I am learning and reading as much as i can. Good luck to you.

havehope

Suhgreat news that all of you have found meetings that you like. Meetings are a huge help as you can imagine. This site s also a huge help for me (all the wisdom and love handed out her was just what I needed when I started my recovery). Keep posting and I am glad you are here.
Terri

sherryb1010

Sorry to dig up an old post, but I'm new and just reading some.....My husband also has a big problem with his pain pills....The VA actually stopped prescribing them when he went in for his first coke rehab in March. But everytime he gets an extra few dollars, he buys some hydrocodone from buddies and he tells me its for his back.

Could he really be snorting heroine, and it be picking up as the hydrocodone on the drug tests that I've been giving him? I realize that both are bad and that he needs to stop both, but that is another lie that he has been telling me, and his back hurts so bad that he can't walk some days, and I have let him buy some because he has a bottle with a prescription that doesn't run out until April 2008, so he could show that to his work, and not lose his job.

I'm so dumb.

Wascally Wabbit

Glad you could go and see how much support can be found. You'll make friends that last a life time.
My ex h got addicted to oxycontin and went straight down hill. He was a professional, a manager and a great guy.
It really tears families apart, and not at all like having cancer. For me, it was like living with a crazy person who made me crazy.
Now that you're in alanon, you will learn that you don't have to go crazy with the addict. I only wish I had started going while married instead of going after my divorce.

pjbs55

I am so glad you went to the meeting. In the beginning I would go to as many meetings as I could. Now I always go to one meeting and sometimes go to more. You are right you will find so much support there, and remember to use the phone list if you need to. Between this site and the meetings I am 1000 times stronger than I was when I first found out about my son using heroin.
Hugs coming to you, Keep going back it works when you work it, so work it your worth it.

Spinner-007

Sherrieb, you are NOT dumb. You're love and care about your husband so much that you give him the benefit of the doubt. I'm not sure there's one spouse here who hasn't started out that way.

But a lie is a lie, and when someone lies about meds, that's a big red flag about addiction. I'm so new at this, too, and it's hard to distinguish between caring and enabling. But I'm finding my boundaries and they're getting more defined each day.

THe worst thing I've ever had was a double hernia operation(quite painfull for a couple of weeks), and I took meds rarely, only when I thought I needed it. A back issue is something different, and only your husband really knows how much pain he is in.

It's when they start to lie about the meds is when I would get concerned(especially when I'm finding out more and more about this disease...)

The meeting(s) help, and this board has been wonderful. I'm so glad I found it. Please keep reading, keep asking questions, and consider a NAR ANON group to go to.

And thank you to everyone for their kind words, thoughts, and prayers. They help my family so much!

LearningHusband

Spinner,

Glad to hear things are getting clearer each day for you.

And to everyone - RX addiction has a few quirky characteristics, like the addict will figure out pain symptoms or inflate pain symptoms and even go so far as to have surgery if it will get them pain pills (and, in their mind, it legitimizes their using - even when they take well beyond what is prescribed and don't tell the docs - who could prescribe other non-addictive meds - that they are addicts).

It's still lying etc., it just takes an interesting form in Rx addicts.

LH