New
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 2
New
Hello, I myself am not an alcoholic myself, but one of my best friends is. And I am trying to help him become sober while realizing addictions of my own. He is at the point in his life where he is starting to become a little violent. And his last straw was when it was taken out on me. I dont know what to do. I know he needs support and I need to be there for him. But he doesnt want to just cut drinking completely. he just wants to cut down...is that really possible? He drinks everyday. And he drinks by himself. And he drinks heavily. Any help would be greatly appreciated...
thanks
thanks
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: London
Posts: 345
Hi Shift8start
I think its great that you are trying to help your friend out.
For me, moderating drinking is impossible. As an alcoholic I am just unable to control it. I have tried many times and I always returns to excessive drinking. I am learning that this is typical of all alcoholics. Basically, if we were able to moderate we would be normal drinkers right? We wouldnt have a problem. Its the fact that we cant that makes us alcoholics.
The other thing I have come to learn is that a true alcoholic cannot be made to stop drinking. They have to want it themselves. If an alcoholic choses to drink, nothing short of physical restraint will stop them. The best you can do with your friend is to try to raise their awareness of their drinking problems - perhaps by showing them this site, getting them to read some accounts of alcoholics - and then let them come to their own conclusion.
And then get on with YOUR life and look after yourself. You dont deserve to be confronted with violence. If his behaviour becomes unacceptable then walk away. He has the problem so he must resolve it. You just need to be there to provide help and support when he does.
Good luck
I think its great that you are trying to help your friend out.
For me, moderating drinking is impossible. As an alcoholic I am just unable to control it. I have tried many times and I always returns to excessive drinking. I am learning that this is typical of all alcoholics. Basically, if we were able to moderate we would be normal drinkers right? We wouldnt have a problem. Its the fact that we cant that makes us alcoholics.
The other thing I have come to learn is that a true alcoholic cannot be made to stop drinking. They have to want it themselves. If an alcoholic choses to drink, nothing short of physical restraint will stop them. The best you can do with your friend is to try to raise their awareness of their drinking problems - perhaps by showing them this site, getting them to read some accounts of alcoholics - and then let them come to their own conclusion.
And then get on with YOUR life and look after yourself. You dont deserve to be confronted with violence. If his behaviour becomes unacceptable then walk away. He has the problem so he must resolve it. You just need to be there to provide help and support when he does.
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
head over to the friends and family section...
and be openminded to the replys...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/
and be openminded to the replys...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/
. Lots of good info and support here. Do check out the link Rusty posted... very helpful for friends and family that want to help.
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
nice to meet you, shift. my daughter is an alcoholic and alanon really helps me.
remember this about your friend's drinking -
you didn't cause it.
you can't cure it.
you can't control it.
blessings, k
remember this about your friend's drinking -
you didn't cause it.
you can't cure it.
you can't control it.
blessings, k
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 2
Thank you everyone for your replies.
The thing is...he wants to cut down. But he never wants to really stop drinking. He got a divorce from his wife because she wanted him to quit, and he wouldnt. He only wants to cut down and eventually become a normal drinker. And that scares me because i dont think its possible for him to do that. He's established some rules for himself:
1) One 12 pack/week
2) Dont drink alone
3) Dont drink when its only him and one other person (i.e. his new girlfriend)
And hes going to try and change his hours at work so it will limit the time for him to drink.
I dont know whats going to happen.
Gosh. Its so hard.
The thing is...he wants to cut down. But he never wants to really stop drinking. He got a divorce from his wife because she wanted him to quit, and he wouldnt. He only wants to cut down and eventually become a normal drinker. And that scares me because i dont think its possible for him to do that. He's established some rules for himself:
1) One 12 pack/week
2) Dont drink alone
3) Dont drink when its only him and one other person (i.e. his new girlfriend)
And hes going to try and change his hours at work so it will limit the time for him to drink.
I dont know whats going to happen.
Gosh. Its so hard.
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
Shift;
Kudos for your concern, but as has already been said, none of us can control another’s drinking no matter how much we love and care about them. I have a son who is a recovering alcoholic; he had to decide he was one and couldn't drink, period! As much as I wanted to help I couldn’t, and I AM a recovering alcoholic!
The "rules" that your boyfriend established for himself look good. If I may let me add a few more that some fellows back in the "good old days" set for themselves.
Chapter3 the book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums we could increase the list ad infinitum.
In other words we alcoholics have been making and breaking rules for decades.
Whatever happens it will rest in your boyfriend's hands, and until he believes that drinking is causing more harm than good you can only take care of yourself.
Best of luck,
Jon
Kudos for your concern, but as has already been said, none of us can control another’s drinking no matter how much we love and care about them. I have a son who is a recovering alcoholic; he had to decide he was one and couldn't drink, period! As much as I wanted to help I couldn’t, and I AM a recovering alcoholic!
The "rules" that your boyfriend established for himself look good. If I may let me add a few more that some fellows back in the "good old days" set for themselves.
Chapter3 the book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums we could increase the list ad infinitum.
In other words we alcoholics have been making and breaking rules for decades.
Whatever happens it will rest in your boyfriend's hands, and until he believes that drinking is causing more harm than good you can only take care of yourself.
Best of luck,
Jon
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Originally Posted by Jfanagle 
In other words we alcoholics have been making and breaking rules for decades.
Best of luck,
Jon
Continue to post here there isn't a finer bunch of people.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
