DII

You all know my story by now.

Well, AW calls me at work today...and makes the demands.

1. Wants back into the house and share in the lives of the kids. Dinner once per week as a family.
2. Talked to divorce advisors but wants to WAIT to make a decision until her apartment lease is up.
3. The boys (17 and 14) are fine with having her home when she stays at the house when I travel for work.

I then see her in the afternoon at our 14 year old's water polo match and she's DRUNK! Of course, like so many times before, she denies it and leaves right after the match.



Man................can't take this any more!

steve11694

You should document her drunkedness JUST IN CASE. Ins't it amazing how they can deny, lie, fabricate, do whatever it takes to continue to be "alice in wonderland"

SaTiT

sorry about that DII.

right, wrong, or indifferent. There wasn't anything I did or didn't do
that made my gf drink or stopped drinking.

focusing on myself is a bit touch..but that's something I have control over.

justjo

Wrong! Stop right here, if she is turning up drunk at your childrens outings draw the line. The kids should not suffer because of it. How did she get there?
As she has moved out, keep her out in my opinion. Tough love is needed here I think, I would tell her she cant see the kids if shes drunk under any circumstances. It is irresponsible and dangerous.
I have been there and now will not tolerate this madness in our life anymore.
Just my opinion.

DII

Justjo, she's so good at hiding it.....even my kids don't know all the time. Denial, denial, denial...But I've seen it so mant times that she can't fool me. I've NEVER been wrong.

CE Girl

You know DII, I remember my XA making demands.

I lived on a beautiful island. It was the edge for me. Brought me closer to my spirits. The gift of the sea. Every morning I would wake up and be thankful for the gift I was given. Every night I would do a BIG ahhhhhhhhhhh,,as I drove down the causeway on the edge of the river. I "fit' there and it was there I found freedom.

My XA HATED it!!!!

I've since learned why. Because it was a threat to his control.

I gave in to his demand, and I left my island. Agreeing to do it for love. Brainwashed into thinking it was the best thing for me, because all my FRIENDS were "toxic". Gee,,,I wonder how I didn't think the fact he visited that island and each and EVERY time, it was a drama of massive proportions!!! Embarrassing and turning my place of serenity into the chaos that was his life. All of a sudden the island became the dark side for me.

It was THEN that I realized boundary's. Or I would lose my life (figuratively AND physically)

Don't make the same mistake. Of course, your bottom could be MUCH deeper than mine,,,,

Ok, so I'm gonna "preach" and honestly I hate doing it!! Sound like a broken ole 45 record. Remember those?!?! Or am I "aging" myself here!!! Anyway, it was only after I set those boundary's in place that I realized I NEEDED help!! Me?!?! The strong native hippie,,go figure?!?! But I got HUMBLE and went for it. Al anon, SR, SUPPORTIVE friends/family and by the grace of the spirits, now a sponsor. GET STARTED WORKING ON YOU!!! The rest will fall into place. Gradually, naturally, lovingly, and peacefully,,,

Sorry if I overstepped my boundary's, but you struck a chord with this one,,

Oh, and by the way, someday I will go back to "myisland"

Peace

Rella927

If she is showing up drunk and you know this, she is not "hiding it" in my opinion you need to do what is right for the kids and "tough love" is a great start.

IMHO I do not believe it is a matter of being right or "wrong" with her drinking, it is a matter of taking care of the children and you-let go....make your business your business and leave her to her's. She has choices and so do you! Make the RIGHT choices for yourself and your children now.

Hang in there

mamaplus2kids

Does she drive a car? If so, think of the dreadful consequences, if she were to take the kids with her. Trust yourself and your instincts. Protect your children and yourself. Draw the line. Don't let her back into the house unless she's in active recovery. If you need someone for your kids while you are away, ask a healthy friend to stay with your children. Until they are 18, they are your sole responsibility, as long as your AW is still drinking. They may be acting strong, but deep inside, they could be terrified. I remember my mother leaving us with a drunken friend one night; I was 13-15 and terrified. Couldn't sleep.

Barbara52

You might be surprised and find out they are well aware of it, each and every time. That doesn't mean they will admit that to you. After all they love their mother and are likely to feel its "wrong" to say anything against her. Its difficult in oh so many ways for kids with an alcoholic parent. I know that's how I was as a kid with drunk parents. No one ever admitted mom was drunk every day. No one admitted dad was drunk every weekend. It wasn't discussed. Period. Deny and it wasn't really real.

yummy mummy

sometimes in kids head if we don't talk about it it is not happening

Just a thought but maybe your kids did notice but didn't wanna cause a fuss or admit everything is not rosy in the garden???

Janitw

If this is how she is when you are "in" town......what will happen when you are not ??? Hmmm???? Do your boys even know how they will handle "Mom" then ??

irelandx7

I have three young boys, and I have always tried to tell myself they have no clue what's going on. But when I go to the store and walk past the beer aisle, they say "There's Dad's beer!" I know that I am kidding myself.

It hurts so bad, because you wonder constantly "How could he/she do this to his/her own children?"

**SIGH* I feel your pain.

parentrecovers

sounds like she's doing what alcoholics do...

sorry, hang in there - k

DII

Janitw, you know....when I'm out of town it does tend to be worse, but there are so many times it doesn't make sense that she is drinking. I have learned that I will never figure it out but it is important to see the behavior for what it is worth and separate that from the emotion of the whole thing.
Thanks!

Janitw

Hunny...none of us can ever figure it out...but educate those boys as to what boundaries are and how and when to enforce them with her okay....my kids were 18 and 21 when my exah left us in 2005 and the first boundary they chose to draw was to go NC...period. And to this very day they have not spoken to him.. Awww the choices the alcholic forces their loved ones to make....but one has to remember that they are only living with the consequences that they created all by themselves..

Take care of you and yours DII...

Janitw

Just for the record.....what my kids have chosen to do in regards to boundaries may not be what yours will choose to do...my kids are and were older so they were going to do what they chose anyway....and I did not encourage them or discourage them in any of the decisions that they made in regards to their father. But on the flip side of things I didnt play the codie role as my MIL wanted me to do and refused to intervene on exah behalf in as far as paving the way for a possible reunion with them either....I chose not to clean up any more of his mental messes...

yummy mummy

Janitw ur so strong... hopefully when the sh1t hits the fan & my x comes looking for his children (already 3 years too late if u ask me) I will be as strong & if not I will be on here looking for support

Janitw

You will be Yummy.....you will be..