A glimpse into the mind of an addict
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
A glimpse into the mind of an addict
I got high because I liked the way I felt while on drugs. I liked certain kinds of drugs more than others. Those I didn't like I didn't do, but those I did like I abused and they became a vital part of my life.
I used drugs to my advantage. Over a course of time I learned that I could take this pill or snort that powder and no one or nothing mattered. I could snuff out my pain as well as the plea's of my loved ones as they begged, pleaded and cried for me to please get off dope. I could drown out all of my problems of life in general and nothing mattered. I was high and numb. I was care-free, therefore, in my mind I was free. I had mastered the art of escapism.
I did not have a drug problem. Everyone else did (they didn't like my drug use. I liked using, therefore, not my problem (THEIRS).
I had an eticket to be irresponsible after all I was a drug addict. didn't have to be responisible because everyone else stepped in to be responsible for me. I didn't have to worry about bills being paid because there was always that certain loved one who wanted so badly to "help" me and was willing to save me from myself and the fate of my utilities being cut off that he/she would step up to the plate and take on my burden.
I never had to worry about where I was going to live because there was always someone else to pay my rent (enablers are an addicts best-friend) and besides why worry, after-all flop houses are open 24/7 and drugs are plentiful there.
I lived to get high and got high to live (cut and dried) it was that simple to me.
I used when somebody had a baby, someone died, someone got married, someone graduated, someone went to jail, someone got out of jail .. the list goes on ... an Addicts can always find a reason to celebrate with drugs or a reason to use drugs ... and when there isn't a reason ... we will create one. Besides ... who really needs a reason.
Funny, I was deemed an irresponsible drug addict by friends and family, but I paid my connection faithfully. My credit was good with him that he'd even front me. He knew I'd would never bite the hand that supplied me.
NOTE: For those of you that do NOT know me. I am a recovering addict ... I write this message to give you a minor peek into the addicted mind. Knowledge is power! The more you learn about an addict the better equipped you are to deal with them and their addiction.
Passion
I used drugs to my advantage. Over a course of time I learned that I could take this pill or snort that powder and no one or nothing mattered. I could snuff out my pain as well as the plea's of my loved ones as they begged, pleaded and cried for me to please get off dope. I could drown out all of my problems of life in general and nothing mattered. I was high and numb. I was care-free, therefore, in my mind I was free. I had mastered the art of escapism.
I did not have a drug problem. Everyone else did (they didn't like my drug use. I liked using, therefore, not my problem (THEIRS).
I had an eticket to be irresponsible after all I was a drug addict. didn't have to be responisible because everyone else stepped in to be responsible for me. I didn't have to worry about bills being paid because there was always that certain loved one who wanted so badly to "help" me and was willing to save me from myself and the fate of my utilities being cut off that he/she would step up to the plate and take on my burden.
I never had to worry about where I was going to live because there was always someone else to pay my rent (enablers are an addicts best-friend) and besides why worry, after-all flop houses are open 24/7 and drugs are plentiful there.
I lived to get high and got high to live (cut and dried) it was that simple to me.
I used when somebody had a baby, someone died, someone got married, someone graduated, someone went to jail, someone got out of jail .. the list goes on ... an Addicts can always find a reason to celebrate with drugs or a reason to use drugs ... and when there isn't a reason ... we will create one. Besides ... who really needs a reason.
Funny, I was deemed an irresponsible drug addict by friends and family, but I paid my connection faithfully. My credit was good with him that he'd even front me. He knew I'd would never bite the hand that supplied me.
NOTE: For those of you that do NOT know me. I am a recovering addict ... I write this message to give you a minor peek into the addicted mind. Knowledge is power! The more you learn about an addict the better equipped you are to deal with them and their addiction.
Passion
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Jackson, Tn
Posts: 41
Passion, first let me say your honesty is wonderful. And I thank God that you have turned your life around for the better. I'm thinking that now days you actually feel like you have a life?!?! Of course, you felt like you had one before, but we both know you didn't (maybe harsh, but true). I can only "wish" that my husband could wake up as you have and see there IS so much REAL LIFE out there waiting for him!!
I'll keep you in my prayers, and thank you VERY much for sharing this,
JEN
I'll keep you in my prayers, and thank you VERY much for sharing this,
JEN
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on a hill top looking at the stars
Posts: 4
thank-you
good luck to you always i to hope my husband relizes what awaits the recover
Originally Posted by nytepassion 
I got high because I liked the way I felt while on drugs. I liked certain kinds of drugs more than others. Those I didn't like I didn't do, but those I did like I abused and they became a vital part of my life.
I used drugs to my advantage. Over a course of time I learned that I could take this pill or snort that powder and no one or nothing mattered. I could snuff out my pain as well as the plea's of my loved ones as they begged, pleaded and cried for me to please get off dope. I could drown out all of my problems of life in general and nothing mattered. I was high and numb. I was care-free, therefore, in my mind I was free. I had mastered the art of escapism.
I did not have a drug problem. Everyone else did (they didn't like my drug use. I liked using, therefore, not my problem (THEIRS).
I had an eticket to be irresponsible after all I was a drug addict. didn't have to be responisible because everyone else stepped in to be responsible for me. I didn't have to worry about bills being paid because there was always that certain loved one who wanted so badly to "help" me and was willing to save me from myself and the fate of my utilities being cut off that he/she would step up to the plate and take on my burden.
I never had to worry about where I was going to live because there was always someone else to pay my rent (enablers are an addicts best-friend) and besides why worry, after-all flop houses are open 24/7 and drugs are plentiful there.
I lived to get high and got high to live (cut and dried) it was that simple to me.
I used when somebody had a baby, someone died, someone got married, someone graduated, someone went to jail, someone got out of jail .. the list goes on ... an Addicts can always find a reason to celebrate with drugs or a reason to use drugs ... and when there isn't a reason ... we will create one. Besides ... who really needs a reason.
Funny, I was deemed an irresponsible drug addict by friends and family, but I paid my connection faithfully. My credit was good with him that he'd even front me. He knew I'd would never bite the hand that supplied me.
NOTE: For those of you that do NOT know me. I am a recovering addict ... I write this message to give you a minor peek into the addicted mind. Knowledge is power! The more you learn about an addict the better equipped you are to deal with them and their addiction.
Passion
I used drugs to my advantage. Over a course of time I learned that I could take this pill or snort that powder and no one or nothing mattered. I could snuff out my pain as well as the plea's of my loved ones as they begged, pleaded and cried for me to please get off dope. I could drown out all of my problems of life in general and nothing mattered. I was high and numb. I was care-free, therefore, in my mind I was free. I had mastered the art of escapism.
I did not have a drug problem. Everyone else did (they didn't like my drug use. I liked using, therefore, not my problem (THEIRS).
I had an eticket to be irresponsible after all I was a drug addict. didn't have to be responisible because everyone else stepped in to be responsible for me. I didn't have to worry about bills being paid because there was always that certain loved one who wanted so badly to "help" me and was willing to save me from myself and the fate of my utilities being cut off that he/she would step up to the plate and take on my burden.
I never had to worry about where I was going to live because there was always someone else to pay my rent (enablers are an addicts best-friend) and besides why worry, after-all flop houses are open 24/7 and drugs are plentiful there.
I lived to get high and got high to live (cut and dried) it was that simple to me.
I used when somebody had a baby, someone died, someone got married, someone graduated, someone went to jail, someone got out of jail .. the list goes on ... an Addicts can always find a reason to celebrate with drugs or a reason to use drugs ... and when there isn't a reason ... we will create one. Besides ... who really needs a reason.
Funny, I was deemed an irresponsible drug addict by friends and family, but I paid my connection faithfully. My credit was good with him that he'd even front me. He knew I'd would never bite the hand that supplied me.
NOTE: For those of you that do NOT know me. I am a recovering addict ... I write this message to give you a minor peek into the addicted mind. Knowledge is power! The more you learn about an addict the better equipped you are to deal with them and their addiction.
Passion
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 113
Thanks! I have heard this from my XAH a million times over. Excuses while he's in active addiction, and then when he's working on recovery, can't understand his own pattern of thinking when he looks back!
I hate addiction!
I hate addiction!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
Thank you and bless you for sharing. You have no idea how much this help me as a parents to understand, and by understanding I can help myself and hopefully some day her! Keep the beautiful writings coming, I love em.
susan
susan
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Danville,Va
Posts: 304
I guess I waited too long to practise the tough love hands off the addict thing.
When we stopped enabling my son he couldn't cope with his bottom and killed himself on Sept. 11, 2007.
Would he have killed himself anyway? Who knows. I know that I'd gladly have him back if I had it to do over again. Just to see his sweet face one more time.
Then when rational thought comes back to me I think of the hell he must have been living in his poor sick mind and think never!!!
Please God, bring him peace.
Bring my family peace and joy in the remembering.
Trish
When we stopped enabling my son he couldn't cope with his bottom and killed himself on Sept. 11, 2007.
Would he have killed himself anyway? Who knows. I know that I'd gladly have him back if I had it to do over again. Just to see his sweet face one more time.
Then when rational thought comes back to me I think of the hell he must have been living in his poor sick mind and think never!!!
Please God, bring him peace.
Bring my family peace and joy in the remembering.
Trish
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
((((NYTE))))
Again with a wonderful post.
(((LADY))))
Everything has a time, and you did what you could, please, don't blame yourself...ahhhh, what can I say...You're a mom!!! We will always take the blame!!! My prayers for you and your family.
Again with a wonderful post.
(((LADY))))
Everything has a time, and you did what you could, please, don't blame yourself...ahhhh, what can I say...You're a mom!!! We will always take the blame!!! My prayers for you and your family.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Nyte - you have such a gift of words. I too am a recovering addict. I was very fortunate that my dad was not much of an enabler...I know he loves me but he is letting me reap the consequences of my idiotic behaviors when I was using.
Today we are both struggling very hard to keep our heads above water financially. But we are able to work TOGETHER. I have learned so much from SR and am passing it on to him.
He will never understand addiction as he is not an addict. Today he tells me how proud he is of me and for that I am truly grateful.
Keep posting - your words are inspirational!
Amy
Today we are both struggling very hard to keep our heads above water financially. But we are able to work TOGETHER. I have learned so much from SR and am passing it on to him.
He will never understand addiction as he is not an addict. Today he tells me how proud he is of me and for that I am truly grateful.
Keep posting - your words are inspirational!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: S.E. Mich.
Posts: 1,433
As an active addict, we live in a dark, depressing, heavy, overbearing, self defeating place, most/all of the time. I couldn't understand the "whys" of what I was doing, let alone explain it to those who were begging me for an explanation.
I can't tell you how many days, I told myself I'd stop today. Only to find myself using by the end of the day, again.
If you're not an addict, you can't understand it. Ever. When the support groups say the best you can do is take care of yourself, and get your own life in order, it is, the ONLY thing you can do...
Anyway, interesting thread.
I can't tell you how many days, I told myself I'd stop today. Only to find myself using by the end of the day, again.
If you're not an addict, you can't understand it. Ever. When the support groups say the best you can do is take care of yourself, and get your own life in order, it is, the ONLY thing you can do...
Anyway, interesting thread.
krhea75
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
That hit me. Especially the line about you always paying your supplier. An addict can be reliable when it comes to taking care of their next high. We as family members need to let them hit their bottom sooner. thanks for the insight.
krhea
krhea
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
((((((Nyte))))))
A brilliant light of recovery, my dear. That is you.
Your honesty. Your bravery. Your truth.
It's awe inspiring.
I hope your a sponser for someone. If not, you need to be.
How 'bout my son?
I love you, Nyte.
Linda
p.s. How's that baby girl o' yours, btw.
Healthier and growin' like a weed, I pray.
A brilliant light of recovery, my dear. That is you.
Your honesty. Your bravery. Your truth.
It's awe inspiring.
I hope your a sponser for someone. If not, you need to be.
How 'bout my son?
I love you, Nyte.
Linda
p.s. How's that baby girl o' yours, btw.
Healthier and growin' like a weed, I pray.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I did not have a drug problem. Everyone else did - they didn't like my drug use. I liked using, therefore, not my problem (THEIRS).
"I know I am addicted but I like to use drugs. Therefore I do not have a drug problem. My husband is the one with the problem because he doesn't like it when I use drugs. I wish he would just leave me alone and let me use my drugs in peace. It's not hurting anyone..."
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