lostnfound1961

My weekend sucked. ah's buddy started drinking again so when I got home they came in just after me all tanked up. I was real depressed and just couldn't face things and ok I admit I lied and told him I was sick so I wouldn't have to deal with them. He accuses me of this all the time but this time it was true. Yesterday he got a call and left. For once he left me a note. (Went to Pauls, be back in a little bit. Love me) Well..... that turned into about five or six hours and $500.00 in atm's. While he was gone his other buddy (the one drinking again) showed up and sat on our front porch. I thought for sure he would let him self in because I think he still has the key from when he watched the house. He had let him self in a couple other times.

So he tried to call the housed then ah's cell phone, ah rarely takes his phone with him because he doesn't want you to be able to get a hold of him. So after looking at the account I got so mad it was not funny. I called Pauls phone and he acted all nice to me and said they were on their way back to ah car and he would be home soon. He then put ah on the phone and I confronted him about the money. He said I was crazy that he could not have done that because the atm will only give you $300.00 in a day. I told him to feel free to look at the computer when he got home because I would leave it up for him.

He got home and things whent from bad to worse. He threw $100.00 at me and said he would get me the rest later. He headed for the basement to get another beer and was trying to say he was justified in what he was doing and I asked if he was doing it to get back at me for cheeting over six months ago. He got so pissed and turned aroung and came back up the steps with a look that said he was real close to hitting me. He didn't and never has, but I could tell he wanted to lash out at something.

I told him I needed him to stop gambling and drinking all together. He said no and I said I guess I needed to leave then. I went up and started to pack and then he came up all calm and we talked. He asked me not to leave but we are talking divorce. He is willing to not gamble and he is willing to go to counceling, BUT he said he would be dambed if some woman was going to tell him he couldn't drink in his own home. (who knew I was just some woman)

So..... I got up this morning and noticed he has the phone book open to Atterneys. I plan to send him an email today asking if he still wants to try counceling or if he just wants to file. Funny thing is last night..... He admited we were not the same people and that we no longer had fun together and maybe it was time to let go. But he kept trying to make it my choice. Even though he was the one who would not step up for me and try to be the sober man he used to be. I don't know why I didn't just say OK it's my idea, because I know thats what he will tell everyone.

So... Not much sleep, ah is looking for a place because he wants to be the one to leave. I wanted to be, but he said no, he would leave. I think thats because he wants to be able to watch me. See if I have someone over and that sort of stuff.

By the end of the night I felt like I was the crazy one. Like, how could I have started this mess? If I had only left it alone. But I know I can't and I just need to stay strong. (not an easy thing for me)

So there it is. Now I just need to HOLD MY GROUND!
D

steve11694

Wow, I am so sorry for you. I remember the atm withdrawals. multiple, into the red, multiple overdraft charges, atm's at bars mainly or some at stores that sell alcoholic bev.
Alcoholism is plain and simple INSANITY and it can easily make the loved ones nuts.

penneypoo

I have been in your situation, and their manipulation leads you to question your actions. Don't be fooled, you ARE doing the right thing. Of course when you are packing your bags, he agrees to stop, or cut back. Don't be fooled, when his buddy is twisting his arm, he'll go back to his usual ways. He's got addictions, and they will always get the best of him.

I think you need to somehow control the bank account, I know we could not afford a $500 a day binge, and you probably can't either. He's controlling you, maybe because he knows he can. My AH's favorite line is "I wear the pants in this family", and sounds like yours does too. He's made it clear he will do whatever he wants, and nobody will tell him what he can/can't do (typical man talking), so I think you are doing the right thing. Follow through, don't question your actions, he's just manipulating you. Take it to the next step, separate yourself from this madness. YOU ARE NOT THE CRAZY ONE.

Afraid2Succeed

after he leaves, change the locks so you feel protected.

take care of yourself.