I have just one question........please respond
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: in the south
Posts: 219
I have just one question........please respond
friends,
my son is trying to recover from crack. I am going to condense this......over the past two years he went to an expensive 30 day treatrment program, which we paid what the insurance did not. He was clean about seven days once home but kept using (and hid it well from his wife) for about six months......then a big binge and he loses his job and he goes missing for three days.......he is found and put in the hospital for seven days. He puts forth effort and with the help of social workers finds a six month program regarding rehab..........then he completes that with flying colors....is clean for six weeks and on the eve of starting a new job goes out and hits the crackpipe.
Long story short.....he claims to be clean. I now have distanced myself from him and give him no $$$. I have not spoken or seen him since May when he went on this tear. It is his mess, let him clean it up. He is working at a job that pays a little more than minimum wage. The one thing I have done is Cobra his insurance. It has come to my attention he is having a hard time paying for his medication for Restless Leg Syndrome. He has to come up with the 20% cost that ins. doesn't pay. So my question ..........if I pay for his medicine is that interferring and remember I only "hear" he is straight. He is keeping his job........in fact he sometimes works two. He pays rent and sends money to his wife so there really is very little left. They are also going to a "christian" counselor and I have my doubts on that but that's another road........the one thing that irks me is that he says AA doesn't "fit" into his schedule. he says he goes to Bible study once a week and church on Sunday and that is all he can manage. The director of the six month program said in his opinion my son couldn't make it without AA support. So do I pay for the medicine or not? And I am sorry if I seem harsh but I really don't want to see him at this stage of the game..thanks for listening..dixie
my son is trying to recover from crack. I am going to condense this......over the past two years he went to an expensive 30 day treatrment program, which we paid what the insurance did not. He was clean about seven days once home but kept using (and hid it well from his wife) for about six months......then a big binge and he loses his job and he goes missing for three days.......he is found and put in the hospital for seven days. He puts forth effort and with the help of social workers finds a six month program regarding rehab..........then he completes that with flying colors....is clean for six weeks and on the eve of starting a new job goes out and hits the crackpipe.
Long story short.....he claims to be clean. I now have distanced myself from him and give him no $$$. I have not spoken or seen him since May when he went on this tear. It is his mess, let him clean it up. He is working at a job that pays a little more than minimum wage. The one thing I have done is Cobra his insurance. It has come to my attention he is having a hard time paying for his medication for Restless Leg Syndrome. He has to come up with the 20% cost that ins. doesn't pay. So my question ..........if I pay for his medicine is that interferring and remember I only "hear" he is straight. He is keeping his job........in fact he sometimes works two. He pays rent and sends money to his wife so there really is very little left. They are also going to a "christian" counselor and I have my doubts on that but that's another road........the one thing that irks me is that he says AA doesn't "fit" into his schedule. he says he goes to Bible study once a week and church on Sunday and that is all he can manage. The director of the six month program said in his opinion my son couldn't make it without AA support. So do I pay for the medicine or not? And I am sorry if I seem harsh but I really don't want to see him at this stage of the game..thanks for listening..dixie
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Well that is a tough call. Has he tried to get help with his prescriptions. There is a website that helps with medications. If he qualifies, he will get them for free or at a reduced cost. You can get the paperwork on the site and he can fill it out and take it to his doctor who does the rest. The site is www.pparx.com That way he has to do the legwork to get the benefits. All you would be doing is getting the forms. You could then mail them to him. It is worth checking out. I think if he has insurance he may not qualify but you could see. Hugs, Marle
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Hi Dixied,
If I could spare the money, and I didn't feel I HAD to, I would probably pick up the co-payment at least until he could look into what Marle suggested. Thats just me, there are no rights or wrongs here.
I have to wonder if he could get hooked up with public assistance. His counselor may be able to help him get the paperwork through. I'm sure its cheaper that the Cobra route, if not free.
I have to disagree with the counselor in that no one knows who will make it and who won't. While I agree, a "willing" participant in AA stands a better chance, that doesn't mean that without it you're doomed to fail.
Prayers that he finds his way. He sounds like he may want to given he's trying to uphold his obligations.
(((Hugs)))
Cece
If I could spare the money, and I didn't feel I HAD to, I would probably pick up the co-payment at least until he could look into what Marle suggested. Thats just me, there are no rights or wrongs here.
I have to wonder if he could get hooked up with public assistance. His counselor may be able to help him get the paperwork through. I'm sure its cheaper that the Cobra route, if not free.
I have to disagree with the counselor in that no one knows who will make it and who won't. While I agree, a "willing" participant in AA stands a better chance, that doesn't mean that without it you're doomed to fail.
Prayers that he finds his way. He sounds like he may want to given he's trying to uphold his obligations.
(((Hugs)))
Cece
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Hi Dixied,
If this was my son, I think I would feel the same way Cece expressed...I'd do it if this was what I wanted to do and did not feel I had to. I would have to ask myself what is my motivation. Am I doing it with an expectation that he stay clean or feel grateful or feel obligated or let me try to control his recovery. If I answered yes to any of that, I think I would feel I would do more harm than good (to both of us) by paying the copay. But if I felt my motivation was to support him and because I would do it for my best friend without expectations, then I would go for it.
One thing that helped me to stay out of my daughters recoveries in terms of how I thought they "should" do it, was to look at myself and also look at others here with solid recovery. I haven't followed the "script" completely. During darkest hours, I sometimes withdraw to think it out in my own head rather than adding meetings or using a phone list. I've gone to meetings where I couldn't find any connection and left. I look at some of the wisdom and experience here that I value most, and the person isn't following a 12 step program. Realizing that helped me back out of judging their recovery. We all progress at our own pace and in our own way.
Hugs.
If this was my son, I think I would feel the same way Cece expressed...I'd do it if this was what I wanted to do and did not feel I had to. I would have to ask myself what is my motivation. Am I doing it with an expectation that he stay clean or feel grateful or feel obligated or let me try to control his recovery. If I answered yes to any of that, I think I would feel I would do more harm than good (to both of us) by paying the copay. But if I felt my motivation was to support him and because I would do it for my best friend without expectations, then I would go for it.
One thing that helped me to stay out of my daughters recoveries in terms of how I thought they "should" do it, was to look at myself and also look at others here with solid recovery. I haven't followed the "script" completely. During darkest hours, I sometimes withdraw to think it out in my own head rather than adding meetings or using a phone list. I've gone to meetings where I couldn't find any connection and left. I look at some of the wisdom and experience here that I value most, and the person isn't following a 12 step program. Realizing that helped me back out of judging their recovery. We all progress at our own pace and in our own way.
Hugs.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I agree with the above. I think I would check out other options for assistance, and if all else failed and it wasn't a hardship for me and I felt okay about it, I might help, perhaps for a limited time like 3 months.
Also, I learned the hard way, I would pay the pharmacist direct. Can't tell you how many prescriptions I paid for that bought drugs all right, just not prescribed ones.
I have a strong philosophy.....If in doubt, don't. Doubt is an instinct too.
Hugs
Also, I learned the hard way, I would pay the pharmacist direct. Can't tell you how many prescriptions I paid for that bought drugs all right, just not prescribed ones.
I have a strong philosophy.....If in doubt, don't. Doubt is an instinct too.
Hugs
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Thanks Marle for the tip/web address. I find the tips/recomm. at SR useful and I am glad that we help ea. other in this way. Shared knowledge is shared strength.
I do have to add w/o an opinion: When our sons & daughters are down and out or barely getting by they find ways on a daily basis to pay for their drugs of choice so why do we worry about them being resourceful in other ways?????
Even thought we can try our hardest to ignore our kids it is hard to ignore their poor health. Wishing you the peace to make the decision you struggle with today.
I do have to add w/o an opinion: When our sons & daughters are down and out or barely getting by they find ways on a daily basis to pay for their drugs of choice so why do we worry about them being resourceful in other ways?????
Even thought we can try our hardest to ignore our kids it is hard to ignore their poor health. Wishing you the peace to make the decision you struggle with today.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
If it wasn't a financial burden, I would also continue to buy the scripts. Good advice above, too.
I have a rule about enabling... I will do what I can live with.
Also - it really doesn't sound like paying for the meds is something he can do for himself right now.
I wish you well, Dixie
I have a rule about enabling... I will do what I can live with.
Also - it really doesn't sound like paying for the meds is something he can do for himself right now.
I wish you well, Dixie
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Up North
Posts: 105
Here's what I would do....meet him at the drug store parking lot. Go in and pay for the prescription.
Then go to Friendlys or some other reasonable restaurant that doesn't serve liquor and buy him dinner.
It does a Mother's heart good to see her son eat a good meal.
Unconditional Love is the answer.
I agree about the meetings. We can't convince someone to attend them. We can only make suggestions. Talk about your own recovery and how enlightening it is. Tell him about the meetings that you have been to.
Here's a hug, from one Mom to another.
Then go to Friendlys or some other reasonable restaurant that doesn't serve liquor and buy him dinner.
It does a Mother's heart good to see her son eat a good meal.
Unconditional Love is the answer.
I agree about the meetings. We can't convince someone to attend them. We can only make suggestions. Talk about your own recovery and how enlightening it is. Tell him about the meetings that you have been to.
Here's a hug, from one Mom to another.
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Dixied
I know I would continue to pay for his meds as long as he was, as you said, working two jobs and sending money to his wife. Sounds to me like he is really making an effort, and that's a good thing.
Maybe AA doesn't work for him but the Bible Study and Church do! I'm in favor of anything that works for that person...I wouldn't care if it was a stuffed animal, as long as it works!
Hugs, Devastated
Maybe AA doesn't work for him but the Bible Study and Church do! I'm in favor of anything that works for that person...I wouldn't care if it was a stuffed animal, as long as it works!
Hugs, Devastated
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
