Good morning, I'm new here... (LONG)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 70
Good morning, I'm new here... (LONG)
Thank god I found you guys...
Here's my little story- short version (haha):
My father was/is an alcoholic. My mom took us and left when I was 4 because of his drinking and drug abuse problems. I have other family members who have substance abuse problems, but had a pretty good normal childhood, so I don't really have anything to blame.
I smoked my first cigarette when I was 12 and was a pack-a-day smoker by the time I was 15. I had my first drink when I was 13 and have loved it ever since. Same with drugs. I tried everything alone the first time- to see what it would do to me before I did it with my friends. I didn't want to look like an ass or like I wasn't experienced (ohhhh the irony in that).
I can't do anything half way. If I diet I have to lose it all. When I smoked (past tense, free from that demon 3 months today!!!!!) it was 2 packs a day or nothing. When I drank it was till it was gone. I guess I don't have that shut-off that some people do, and I love the feeling of being a little drunk. Not wasted, but that not-quite-sober feeling you have after 6 or so beers.
I'm 27 years old and this is the longest I've gone without a drink in 9 years.
At first I just had a few every day. Just to take the sharp edges off. Maybe a few more on the weekends, but hey party party right? Over the years it's escalated. I'm up to 6 or so a night, or a whole bottle of wine, and on the weekends and days off I don't even know, maybe 20? 25? I don't know when that started. As soon as I've had my 2 cups of joe in the morning on a sat or sun I start the booze, usually around 9 am. And I go until 11 or so. I'm drunk by noon, and plastered by dinner. I've also started blacking out more and more and I can't stand it.
I have a good job that I do well at, a nice house that is clean, landscaped, decorated. A wonderful husband, pets, etc. On the outside everything looks a-ok. I'm very good at being a controlled user- I've been doing it since I was a teenager after all.
I wanted to lose some weight so I cut my food in half so I could still drink and reduce my calories. Vodka and diet tonic is low calorie. I drank one of the BIG (not a fifth, the bigger one) bottles of absolut 100 proof in 4 days. So much for my diet.
I started drinking in the morning on my way to work. Just a little bit. When my hubby got in the shower I would fill a cup about half full of wine and sip it on drive in. Sometimes it was a challenge to finish it all before I got there, but you bet I finished it! I couldn't waste good booze!
I'm an alcoholic. I'm not in control of this anymore. I quit drinking on Friday, September 7 and had the shakes on saturday. I can't beleive I let this happen to me.
Here's my little story- short version (haha):
My father was/is an alcoholic. My mom took us and left when I was 4 because of his drinking and drug abuse problems. I have other family members who have substance abuse problems, but had a pretty good normal childhood, so I don't really have anything to blame.
I smoked my first cigarette when I was 12 and was a pack-a-day smoker by the time I was 15. I had my first drink when I was 13 and have loved it ever since. Same with drugs. I tried everything alone the first time- to see what it would do to me before I did it with my friends. I didn't want to look like an ass or like I wasn't experienced (ohhhh the irony in that).
I can't do anything half way. If I diet I have to lose it all. When I smoked (past tense, free from that demon 3 months today!!!!!) it was 2 packs a day or nothing. When I drank it was till it was gone. I guess I don't have that shut-off that some people do, and I love the feeling of being a little drunk. Not wasted, but that not-quite-sober feeling you have after 6 or so beers.
I'm 27 years old and this is the longest I've gone without a drink in 9 years.
At first I just had a few every day. Just to take the sharp edges off. Maybe a few more on the weekends, but hey party party right? Over the years it's escalated. I'm up to 6 or so a night, or a whole bottle of wine, and on the weekends and days off I don't even know, maybe 20? 25? I don't know when that started. As soon as I've had my 2 cups of joe in the morning on a sat or sun I start the booze, usually around 9 am. And I go until 11 or so. I'm drunk by noon, and plastered by dinner. I've also started blacking out more and more and I can't stand it.
I have a good job that I do well at, a nice house that is clean, landscaped, decorated. A wonderful husband, pets, etc. On the outside everything looks a-ok. I'm very good at being a controlled user- I've been doing it since I was a teenager after all.
I wanted to lose some weight so I cut my food in half so I could still drink and reduce my calories. Vodka and diet tonic is low calorie. I drank one of the BIG (not a fifth, the bigger one) bottles of absolut 100 proof in 4 days. So much for my diet.
I started drinking in the morning on my way to work. Just a little bit. When my hubby got in the shower I would fill a cup about half full of wine and sip it on drive in. Sometimes it was a challenge to finish it all before I got there, but you bet I finished it! I couldn't waste good booze!
I'm an alcoholic. I'm not in control of this anymore. I quit drinking on Friday, September 7 and had the shakes on saturday. I can't beleive I let this happen to me.
Last edited by mrsmurph; 09-11-2007 at 05:31 AM. Reason: grammar
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
Welcom to SR.
sounds like you wrote my story except I'm a guy. I've been in recovery for a while
and there are ways to resolve a lot of my problems.
But I had to get first things first and not drink no matter what.
I had to go to AA becuase those folks are crazier than me..
They made me feel sane..lol
Yeap, it got progressive and it compounded problems on top
of problems i already had.
sounds like you wrote my story except I'm a guy. I've been in recovery for a while
and there are ways to resolve a lot of my problems.
But I had to get first things first and not drink no matter what.
I had to go to AA becuase those folks are crazier than me..
They made me feel sane..lol
Yeap, it got progressive and it compounded problems on top
of problems i already had.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi and Welcome,
I think many of us are shocked that we allowed this to happen to us. I know that I have no idea when I crossed the line of no return, but there is no doubt that I did.
The good news is that you are not alone and you can get through this. It sounds like you're doing well and I hope you keep reading and posting.
I think many of us are shocked that we allowed this to happen to us. I know that I have no idea when I crossed the line of no return, but there is no doubt that I did.
The good news is that you are not alone and you can get through this. It sounds like you're doing well and I hope you keep reading and posting.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR mrsmurph, this is a good place to seek advice and support, lots of good people here with some excellent experience.
Please keep in mind that you are not alone, you now have SR and if you reach out your hand for help a little further AA is always there as well, for this old drunk there was no way I could have stayed sober without AA, some folks can, my dad, son and little brother did, but I was (My best sarcastic voice) so much smarter then them and drank for at least 20 years longer then them before I decided I did not want to die!
There is no shame in reaching out for help with alcoholism, for me it was sure a lot easier reaching out for help then it was dying a slow alcoholic death.
Please keep in mind that you are not alone, you now have SR and if you reach out your hand for help a little further AA is always there as well, for this old drunk there was no way I could have stayed sober without AA, some folks can, my dad, son and little brother did, but I was (My best sarcastic voice) so much smarter then them and drank for at least 20 years longer then them before I decided I did not want to die!
There is no shame in reaching out for help with alcoholism, for me it was sure a lot easier reaching out for help then it was dying a slow alcoholic death.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Congratulations on making a wise decision!
Here is a link full of information
from the book that convinced me to quit.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Keep in touch....Welcome to SR
Here is a link full of information
from the book that convinced me to quit.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Keep in touch....Welcome to SR
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Flint MI
Posts: 4,455
Hey hey Mrs Murph makes me remember those days ( my diet was chocloate peanut butter ice cream with lite twinkies and vodka with diet coke) long past which are still very prevalint in my mind.......I wish I could give you a hug and say its gonna be alright, but I won't ( I don't lie to myself anymore so won't start again with you). It is hard but in the long run it is so worth it!!!!!! Welcome to SR and can I have a cup of your joe up there?^^^^^^
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
Hi Mrs. Murph- Running late today, just wanted to say welcome and I see a lot of myself in your story...how did I let this happen? I don't know...but I do know I have found a lot of answers, help and support here, and went to my third AA meeting today...lots to learn, and it feels sooooo good!
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