WhatAboutME

Seriously! We have been married 7 years last week. He lost his job in early March and has not worked since. We have been separated for almost as long. He currently lives with him Mom. I **finally** saw an attorney last week and paid the retainer - YEAH for me! Bad news... the lawyer said we will not mention his alcoholism in the papers, especially since he is not working and that YES, he can ask for alimony. He is not sober for even a day anymore and is in serious financial trouble. His parents are paying off his lawyer for his recent DUI/resisting arrest charges. This AM was the first time he sounded even halfway lucid, so I dropped the bomb about hiring the attorney. Our house is in his name. All I am asking for is full ownership of our pets and the right to stay in the house for a period of up to 18 months after the divorce is final - I will split the proceeds of the sale of the house 50/50 (even though he has not contributed to the mortgage since January of this year!). Pretty fair, don't you agree?!? At first he said he would sign, and then he changed his mind...He said he thought he should hire his own attorney because he could ask for support since he's not working. Not quite as dim as I thought. A few hours later, he said to send him a copy of the decree and that he would sign w/o asking for support. Back and forth, back and forth...the story of my life over the past 5 years.

Has anyone had to pay their drunk EX support because they were not working secondary to their alcoholism? Could this really happen? I swear to God that I will hit him over the head with a shovel and bury him in our backyard behind the garage before I will pay him even $1 per month!!! I could honestly be ordered by a judge to ENABLE that monster! Talk about salt in your wounds.

God, grant me...

Enough strength to put him down with a single blow!!!

Barbara52

My attorney says that its a vague possibility in my divorce. We've been married 4 yras and AH has been unemployed for 2 yrs now. He has been job hunting half-hearted but only over the internet and only in his former career field, even though I have been telling him for at least the past year that he needs to get any old job to start begining in money since we can't make it on just my salary. He is perfectly capable of working but at least until recently has not made any real effort to find a job, any job.

If he gets a job of any sort, alimony is just not in the picture. If he stays unemployed and doesn't find some way to pay his bills (like the utilities) my attorney says there is a slight chance AH could get alimony for a very brief period of time. Which is one reason we are waiting another month or 2 to see just what he does to start bringing in money since I will not give him any more. (I am surprised the utilities are not off already since I've been gone 2 months now. Perhaps someone is paying for him? {shrug} He has about $900 in the bank but no indication he has paid any of the bills.)

To get around it my attorney has also suggested advancing him some amount from his share of the equity in the house for living money.

Personally, I don't think AH's pride would allow him to ask for or take alimony from me.

FormerDoormat

Women have received alimony from their former partners for years. So it makes sense to me that men should be able to insist on the same rights, if they feel so compelled. There are plenty of women out there who receive alimony who probably don't deserve a dime of it, either. My former sister-in-law immediately comes to mind, but I digress....

To avoid having to split 50% of your assets and the risk of having to pay alimony, you can always do what I chose to do: get a pre-nup or avoid marriage completely. But that choice has pitfalls, too, as I learned when my partner was dying and I had no say in his care, wasn't privy to what his health problems were, and had no say in how, when, and where he was buried. I guess what I'm saying is that each choice we make in life comes with benefits and pitfalls. Alimony is one of them--if you're on the paying end. The older I get the more I realize how important it is to make wise choices, especially about really important things such as marriage.

There's no sense in getting worked up about paying alimony until--and if the judge orders you to do so. It will only bring more confusion, stress, and chaos into your life, and it may not even happen. So you may have to pay alimony to your drunken husband for a short time; that's a small price to pay to eliminate alcoholism from your life.

These days, I try to eliminate negative thinking from my life because it hasn't served me well. Think of your visit to a lawyer and the costs you may incur during the divorce as a downpayment towards a brand new, healthy, and happy life. One day you'll look back on this and realize it was money well spent.

Best of luck to you.

prodigal

Alimony is not what it used to be. Nowadays it generally follows the equation that the period of marriage, divided by half, is the longest one spouse has to pay "rehabilitative" alimony to the other spouse. If you are married to an able-bodied person who is not working because they're addicted and NOT disabled or unable to find employment because they have stayed at home for years and need retraining to enter the job field ... there IS a chance of having to pay something. Judges look over the circumstances surrounding the need to pay the non-working spouse, even in community property states like mine.

WhatAbout ... the house is in his name. Since it isn't in both your names, the house is seen as his. Has your attorney discussed this issue in depth with you? Property issues are where separation agreements and divorces generally get difficult. That house could become his bargaining chip, or tool with which to hassle you, if he wants to get down and dirty.

Heck, you're dealing with an A, so that makes it even worse! My exAH was sporadically employed, and then unemployed due to his crappy attitude (and laziness) which was a direct result of his alcoholism. The house was only in his name, although I could have gotten my name on the title when we refinanced way back in '96. No, I didn't want my name on anything - not his credit cards, his car, his checking account, his house. Some thought I was crazy for doing so, because I walked away with nothing. However, I wasn't encumbered by his massive credit card debt or other debt payments either.

LaTeeDa

Not in California. The house was in my name, the mortgage was in my name, his name was nowhere on any of it. But, community property is any property accquired during the marriage. Houses included, regardless of whose name is on it or not.

Again, that's California, which is the only state I've ever filed for divorce in.

L

prodigal

LTD, you are absolutely correct. In my situation with exAH, I lived in an equity state, so the house was never considered mine. Now that I'm in Arizona, the only things are are solely AH's are the monies he has earned from his employment, pensions, and investments prior to our marriage. Any earnings or property acquired by him from the day we married (even though we were married in an equity state) are considered community property.

Jazzman

In VA both incomes are considered marital income so a mortgage paid with marital money means equity is divided equitably, regardless of who's name is on the mortgage or deed.

And in VA alimony can be awarded for 1/2 the time of the marriage but like Prod said, an able bodied person out of work by choice doesn't mean an instant meal ticket either. I would be less concerned about alimony and more concerned about your fair equity share of the home. Oh, and close out all joint accounts... yada, yada.

Don't know about the laws in your state but they can be easily researched on the internet.

WhatAboutME

Oh, I could care less about this house or a single dime that would come from the sale of it. The market really sucks here right now. He claims he's about to file bankruptcy and in the state of FL, a lien cannot be put against your house in such cases. I am not on the mortgage, but I am on the deed. It would be in both of our best interests (in terms of maximum market value for resale) for me to stay in the house as long as possible hoping that the market improves. My lawyer says that the final decree would order me to continue to make on-time payments, maintain proper HO's insurance and maintenance of the home/property for the duration of my stay after the finalization. The only reason I'm even asking for the option to stay in the house for up to 18 months is because I really don't know where I want to live and I have 4 dogs and 3 cats - Not exactly the ideal scenario to rent a home.

It has only been 6 months since he's been unemployed and he has not even bothered to look for a job - ANY kind of job. That would surely interfere with his daily binges. I hate him. With a passion.

Pick-a-name

In our state I guess it must be 1/3 time of the marriage for spousal support....I got 9 yrs after 27yr marriage.

Wascally Wabbit

I got that scare too. My x quit working right after we married and when I left him, he threatened that he could sue me for alimony.
The house was his before we married, his mother paid all his bills, and he was gonna try and get alimony from me? I told him flat out that I would quit my job before I paid him a cent.

We wound up settling our differences ourselves through a separation agreement we both made up. Alimony was not mentioned.

Try not to worry about something like that. It might not happen.
If it does, the attorney should see to it you get a fair deal.
I know how scared you are. If I ever marry again, the man will have to be rich. That way he can't take anything from me.

kermit

Just hit him over the head.

That's all I got.
Kermmie