Well lucky me
Guess what, I'm not crazy.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Oregon
Posts: 286
Well lucky me
Well, this weekend was nothing new. My husband drank his way through it. The one little good thing is that other people around us got a bit of insight into my world. We went out with another couple Saturday afternoon and of course everyone else but me wanted to go drinking. Well, my husband said they wanted to and I didn’t question it. He had already been drinking and was drunk when we left the house. I kept thinking he would get cut off but nope they all the bars just kept letting him order more beer.
We were sitting in one place and as he walked off to the boys room, I mentioned how drunk he was and the women (a former work mate and drinking buddy) said she hadn’t noticed but her husband said he did. He agreed that my husband was tanked and was surprised when I told him how much he had to drink before they had even shown up.
He started to get testy when I mentioned food (he know food mark the end of his drinking) and so his friends husband ordered a huge notcho when he got up for the next round. (I think he understands how I feel since his wife goes on benders too)
Sunday another friend who he used to get hammered with and who recently stopped drinking (again) came over and got to see just how angry my husband gets when drunk. See my husband had time to get worked up before his friend got to our house. He was trying to hang a TV rack (the old fashioned one that weigh a ton) He got so mad that he was throughing tools across the room and I just walked away. I went up stairs and kept saying (detach, detach) Then his friend shows up and he stops talking to me and is ready to break a futon frame because it wont fit down the stairway to the basement. His friend kept saying IT WONT FIT but my husband didn’t say anything and kept scratching up the wall trying to get it down the damn steps. After some time his friend asked for an allan wrench to take it apart. My husband get a hand full of them and just throws them up the steps. His friend looked at me and said (what’s his problem)? I said welcome to my world and walked away.
Later after we got the futon back together my husband left me and his friend upstairs. Just for got about us for a while I guess. We sat ant talked about his state of mined and his friend seemed a little concerned. So my husband gets the tv on the stand he had hung and calls us down to see his good job. (LOOK IT’S A SPORTS BAR) (I HAVE MY OWN SPORTS BAR)
Well lucky me. :-(
D
We were sitting in one place and as he walked off to the boys room, I mentioned how drunk he was and the women (a former work mate and drinking buddy) said she hadn’t noticed but her husband said he did. He agreed that my husband was tanked and was surprised when I told him how much he had to drink before they had even shown up.
He started to get testy when I mentioned food (he know food mark the end of his drinking) and so his friends husband ordered a huge notcho when he got up for the next round. (I think he understands how I feel since his wife goes on benders too)
Sunday another friend who he used to get hammered with and who recently stopped drinking (again) came over and got to see just how angry my husband gets when drunk. See my husband had time to get worked up before his friend got to our house. He was trying to hang a TV rack (the old fashioned one that weigh a ton) He got so mad that he was throughing tools across the room and I just walked away. I went up stairs and kept saying (detach, detach) Then his friend shows up and he stops talking to me and is ready to break a futon frame because it wont fit down the stairway to the basement. His friend kept saying IT WONT FIT but my husband didn’t say anything and kept scratching up the wall trying to get it down the damn steps. After some time his friend asked for an allan wrench to take it apart. My husband get a hand full of them and just throws them up the steps. His friend looked at me and said (what’s his problem)? I said welcome to my world and walked away.
Later after we got the futon back together my husband left me and his friend upstairs. Just for got about us for a while I guess. We sat ant talked about his state of mined and his friend seemed a little concerned. So my husband gets the tv on the stand he had hung and calls us down to see his good job. (LOOK IT’S A SPORTS BAR) (I HAVE MY OWN SPORTS BAR)
Well lucky me. :-(
D
It is what it is
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NJ
Posts: 280
I know how you feel and I"m sorry you are living in that madness. You must have felt relieved that someone else can fully understand how you feel when he acts like that. Actual witnesses. It must confirm things for you. My A would never show any of our guests or friends what an angry jerk he was when drunk. He wouldn't dream of having others think badly of him. He was always fun, social, life of the party, good time guy. It's a good cover.
He would reserve Mr. Hyde especially for me when we were alone. As long as there were people around, I knew I was "safe" from the angry, raging and ranting alcoholic. I would get almost sad and depressed when people were getting ready to go because I never knew if he would start something that night or if I had done something "wrong" earlier and I was going to pay for it later. What a fun life.
Jenny
He would reserve Mr. Hyde especially for me when we were alone. As long as there were people around, I knew I was "safe" from the angry, raging and ranting alcoholic. I would get almost sad and depressed when people were getting ready to go because I never knew if he would start something that night or if I had done something "wrong" earlier and I was going to pay for it later. What a fun life.
Jenny
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,108
Originally Posted by Afraid2Succeed 
would it help to videotape one of his drunken charades, and then show it to him when he's sober? or would that not make any difference?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,358
Originally Posted by lostnfound1961
After some time his friend asked for an allan wrench to take it apart. My husband get a hand full of them and just throws them up the steps. His friend looked at me and said (what’s his problem)? I said welcome to my world and walked away.
Originally Posted by sunshine321
He would reserve Mr. Hyde especially for me when we were alone. As long as there were people around, I knew I was "safe" from the angry, raging and ranting alcoholic. I would get almost sad and depressed when people were getting ready to go because I never knew if he would start something that night or if I had done something "wrong" earlier and I was going to pay for it later.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Aurora, CO
Posts: 68
would it help to videotape one of his drunken charades, and then show it to him when he's sober? or would that not make any difference?
I'm sorry you have to put up with an adult child. It just makes me sick to read, and to go through it, which I do too almost every weekend. Just when they make you think they are laying off the juice, back to square one. And why do they always think they can fix things, work on the car -- without ANY DAMN CONSEQUENCES? Last weekend my AH drops the oil cap in the engine. Well, dumbass, maybe it is because you're tanked (no pun intended).
I swear, there is definitely some brain damage going on.
***HUGS***
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Wow, this thread is taking me back. I want to thank you for the reminder of how bad it was.
Mine, too, had his own "sports bar." Only his was in the garage. Complete with TV, bar and barstools, a phone to call the drinking buddies, refrigerator, etc. And I never got to park my new car in the garage for the first five years I owned it. Rain, sleet, snow, you name it, the party in the garage was a priority. Can't believe how many times I shoveled out my car, scraped the ice off the windows, etc. when we owned a house with a double garage and automatic garage door opener! And I stayed and put up with that BS for way too many years!
I also videotaped him passed out on the dining room floor and showed it to him. He saw it and shrugged while he mixed another drink. But, when I wasn't around, that tape mysteriously got erased. I'm pretty sure all it accomplished was to make him loathe himself and what he had become even more than he did before. So, in the end, just another reason to drink.
I also wanted as many "witnesses" as possible. Why? To justify my anger. To prove that I was right and he was wrong. Because I felt self-righteous and superior to him and needed others to see me that way, too.
I'm so thankful to get off that roller coaster ride. Life doesn't have to be that way. I allowed mine to be that way for much too long. I won't allow it anymore.
L
Mine, too, had his own "sports bar." Only his was in the garage. Complete with TV, bar and barstools, a phone to call the drinking buddies, refrigerator, etc. And I never got to park my new car in the garage for the first five years I owned it. Rain, sleet, snow, you name it, the party in the garage was a priority. Can't believe how many times I shoveled out my car, scraped the ice off the windows, etc. when we owned a house with a double garage and automatic garage door opener! And I stayed and put up with that BS for way too many years!
I also videotaped him passed out on the dining room floor and showed it to him. He saw it and shrugged while he mixed another drink. But, when I wasn't around, that tape mysteriously got erased. I'm pretty sure all it accomplished was to make him loathe himself and what he had become even more than he did before. So, in the end, just another reason to drink.
I also wanted as many "witnesses" as possible. Why? To justify my anger. To prove that I was right and he was wrong. Because I felt self-righteous and superior to him and needed others to see me that way, too.
I'm so thankful to get off that roller coaster ride. Life doesn't have to be that way. I allowed mine to be that way for much too long. I won't allow it anymore.
L
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Our house also has a bar - in the living room; has barstools, posters from British pubs, a bar bell from Ireland. AH would proudly point it out, saying it was the reason we bought the house. Towards the end, he would stand in front of the closet in it that held the liquor and sway, trying to pick out his next drink. It broke my heart to watch it.
The other night I had some people over for dinner. Someone opened that closet and said "holy sh**, that's obscene." There must be at least a hundred bottles of booze in there.
Sometimes these threads bring back memories that make me sad, but also so very grateful for the life I have today. Thank you.
The other night I had some people over for dinner. Someone opened that closet and said "holy sh**, that's obscene." There must be at least a hundred bottles of booze in there.
Sometimes these threads bring back memories that make me sad, but also so very grateful for the life I have today. Thank you.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,108
Originally Posted by denny57
Our house also has a bar - in the living room; has barstools, posters from British pubs, a bar bell from Ireland.
The other night I had some people over for dinner. Someone opened that closet and said "holy sh**, that's obscene." There must be at least a hundred bottles of booze in there.
The other night I had some people over for dinner. Someone opened that closet and said "holy sh**, that's obscene." There must be at least a hundred bottles of booze in there.
It's insane where this disease take us to.
Guess what, I'm not crazy.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Oregon
Posts: 286
Well when I was drinking I too wanted the bar in the basement but he has known for some time now that I didn't. As a matter of fact I had taken a space and made it mine. He is now in my space.
Detach
Detach
Detach
I'm working on it.
Detach
Detach
Detach
I'm working on it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
LaTeeDa, Denny, and Astro ... brings back memories for me. I can laugh about them now, but when they were happening they sure weren't funny. My AH had a "collection" of shot glasses. I mean SHOT GLASSES - hundreds of them from all the places he had been deployed or had gone on vacation. He had sketched out, in great detail, a number of "memory boxes" in which each shot glass would be displayed. He also started another "collection" of Italian wine bottles - the type that sit on restaurant tables with all the different color wax drippings on the side. Hmmm ... yeah, that was during his "fine" Italian wine-drinking phase. I kept wondering where the heck I'd put all these bottles with candles stuck in them.
They actually came to good use when I was hit by the hurricane in September '03 that really hammered the Maryland Bay area. LOL!!!
lost, I really feel for you. It is so unpleasant when they turn nasty while drinking. They walk all over our boundaries, our space, our feelings ... You're right - detachment is the only way to survive it. Can you go elsewhere when he wants to go bar-hopping or just refuse to go? I finally got to the point that I stayed out of the house for hours on end (AH refused to socialize in bars, preferring to isolate at home). If there are any interests or hobbies you can pursue that get you out of the house so you don't have to watch his lunacy, it might really help.
They actually came to good use when I was hit by the hurricane in September '03 that really hammered the Maryland Bay area. LOL!!!
lost, I really feel for you. It is so unpleasant when they turn nasty while drinking. They walk all over our boundaries, our space, our feelings ... You're right - detachment is the only way to survive it. Can you go elsewhere when he wants to go bar-hopping or just refuse to go? I finally got to the point that I stayed out of the house for hours on end (AH refused to socialize in bars, preferring to isolate at home). If there are any interests or hobbies you can pursue that get you out of the house so you don't have to watch his lunacy, it might really help.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 240
My AH's husband "bar", of sorts, was in the garage behind the old storm windows and in a lush scape of bushes on the side of our house! He had no collection of shot glasses as he would never take the time to actually pour the booze into any type of glass!
I used to take digital pictures of my AH when he was loaded, passed out, laying in his own waste, etc. I would actually post the pictures on our refrigerator. He didn't seem to appreciate my humor, and it didn't deter him in the least.
I used to take digital pictures of my AH when he was loaded, passed out, laying in his own waste, etc. I would actually post the pictures on our refrigerator. He didn't seem to appreciate my humor, and it didn't deter him in the least.
Guess what, I'm not crazy.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Oregon
Posts: 286
Photos would not help in my case and as for just leaving the house to be away would only enrage him. In the past I cheeted on him and got caught so there is no trust on his part at all. Because of this, I have had a hard time setting boundrys, but I am trying!
As for hobbies.... I do have some but he has invaded my hobby space with his bar and trys to incert himself into my hobby and crateek my work. This in turn makes me not wat to do them. (like the singing) I have just gotten to the point that I can't bring my self to sing while he is in the house. Go figure, this is something that I have loved all my life and I feel sick doing it around him. I know it's crazy on my part to feel that way, but I can't shake it.
One interesting thing is that we were watching CNN last night and Jack Cafferty has written a book and part of it goes into his chiled hood and talks about how his mom and dad were alcoholics and how he was too. He talked about how he used to pick up a six pack and drink three beers before going to the shrink to talk about whether or not he had a drinking problem. Then on the way home he would drink the other three and have mixed drinks at hime. For three shows in a row they had him on there endorsing his book and telling the same story and my husband never said a word. I figured he would sneer but he didn't. (maybe something made sence)
BTW I know the only way I will ever really be happy is to get out of this relationship, it's just getting to that place in my head and heart that will allow me to make that move.
D
As for hobbies.... I do have some but he has invaded my hobby space with his bar and trys to incert himself into my hobby and crateek my work. This in turn makes me not wat to do them. (like the singing) I have just gotten to the point that I can't bring my self to sing while he is in the house. Go figure, this is something that I have loved all my life and I feel sick doing it around him. I know it's crazy on my part to feel that way, but I can't shake it.
One interesting thing is that we were watching CNN last night and Jack Cafferty has written a book and part of it goes into his chiled hood and talks about how his mom and dad were alcoholics and how he was too. He talked about how he used to pick up a six pack and drink three beers before going to the shrink to talk about whether or not he had a drinking problem. Then on the way home he would drink the other three and have mixed drinks at hime. For three shows in a row they had him on there endorsing his book and telling the same story and my husband never said a word. I figured he would sneer but he didn't. (maybe something made sence)
BTW I know the only way I will ever really be happy is to get out of this relationship, it's just getting to that place in my head and heart that will allow me to make that move.
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Aurora, CO
Posts: 68
My AH has a collection of bar neon lights (various beer brands) that he used to have hanging all over the place. Posters of Bud Light girls, t-shirts with liquor brands on them, shot glasses, beer glasses -- gosh, the list goes on and on.
Addicted? Um, yeah.
Addicted? Um, yeah.
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