frankly

In this walk of recovery, I have come to the conclusion that as we learn, we are constantly tested and challenged. Though it may seem like more than we can carry or bear, in reality, with each step we get stronger. With each boulder thrown in our paths, we just build up muscle from removing that bolder.

Every time I reach a point that I feel, ok, it should get easier from here on, I get tested. It's a reminder, that the steps are perpetual, they are to be repeated over and over. They are a way of life.

When things happen, that make me go back to step one, I realize that I've done well enough in my recovery that I've started to feel like I'm in a little bit of control of my surroundings, of my life, when in reality, I have no control. I have to start over and give it all up to my HP again. It's then that I realize, I've relapsed.

Without putting it in words, over the internet, read between the lines. Those of you who know what recently happened. She's pregnant.

I'm going to have two grandbabies very close togeather. One was joyious news, the other, well the other one is joyious news too. It's just very difficult to deal with. It has put me back to step one.

She's 18 with no one but Mom to help. Abortion and adoption are out of the question for her, this baby is a part of her, a part of our family, no matter how it was created.

Testing...Testing...apply steps 1, 2 and 3. Stay in the positive.

I'm still very sick with this flu thing. I have no one to blame but myself though, I refuse to go to the hospital, I told them I would go if I'm unconscious, but that's the only way they will get me there. (I hate doctors and hospitals) So don't feel sorry for me there, that one is by my own choice and inaction. I'm a hard headed stubborn old fart sometimes. LOL

So, the good news is that there is going to be a second grandbaby. The bad news is there is going to be a second grandbaby. Is it possible to be happy excited sad and depressed all at the same time?

I am proud of her though. Mama instinct is already kicking in. She was real upset and said all she wanted to do was get drunk or smoke some pot and forget about it for a little while, but she didn't. She resisted that urge. Chose not to bury her head in the sand and make things even worse. Said she didn't like how those things made her feel anyway, she was just looking for an escape. Instead, she is even giving up cigaretes. She wants a healthy mind and body so her baby has a fighting chance.

I guess miricles come in even the worst packages.

B

Ann

Indeed, I find that God's gifts often come in strange wrappings.

Both these new babies are little miracles and blessings and each will bring something very very special to those who love them. Little new lives that continue the circle of those who went before them and those who will come after and each one will touch many hearts along the way.

Just as the seasons will surely change, each change is a part of life, a part of what is supposed to be. Yes there will be storms and overcast days, but there will be many days of light and loveliness each wrapped in it's own special gift.

Congratulations, Frankly, these babies are blessed to have a grandma like you who can pass on to them all the love and wisdom you have in your heart. I'd say these babies are strangely wrapped gifts that are going to teach us all something as they make their way into this world.

Hugs

frankly

Ann - One will be born out of a loving relationship, one out of a violent act, both will have the same love from their grammie.

B

pjbs55

((Frankly))
God gives us little surprises every so often. This new baby is just that, and is going to be very lucky to have you as a grandmom. I am glad your daughter told you what she wanted to do, but she didn't do it. Her recovery is showing too. I am glad she is giving up smoking, just another type of addiction, legal but still it is an addiction. She wants a better chance for her baby, that is good.
Please take care of you and if you don't get better soon, go see that hated doctor. We want you here healthy and you are to special to be sick for to long.
Hugs and prayers for all of you

rahsue

I have surprised myself almost everyday at how much I can endure. I think God is preparing me for something big. I hope it's just a nice surprise like the lottery.

Lobo

(((((Frankly)))))
What a lucky baby to have you and your daughter. She is making some very mature descisions.....you should be proud. I know the feeling of not getting to comfortable because we don't know what is around the corner. You are equipped to handle what life throws at you because you have worked hard at your recovery and that in itself is a blessing. On the positive side it will be sweet for the little cousins to grow together.

Please take care of yourself........grammie has to stay healthy, you're going to be busy.

Love and hugs..............Lo

cece1960

((((Franky)))
Your duaghter is so lucky to have you in her life.
(I know this is not the same circumstances)
I was told my daughter was pregnant a few months into her first semester at College. She had broken up with the fellow long before she learned, and it was never a loving situation to begin with.

Unlike you, I was not versed in recovery, or control (or lack of) or anything I have learned here. In fact, the whole thing came out in the same month I learned my son was addicted to heroin. I thought my whole world had unraveled.

I thought her future was over. I thought the baby would never have what it deserved given the lack of "parents" in the normal sense. How sad to have no father in her life.

Boy...was I wrong. My daughter is a good mom

My grandaughter has more love in her life than many, many kids will ever experience.
And I'm a VERY proud Mema.
From the minute she was born, the circumstances around it mattered none.
I really can't imagine her NOT being in our lives.
And the best part?
She has taught US about love.
I'll keep you and yours in my prayers as always
(((Hugs)))
Cece