Hevyn

Have been through a gamut of emotions since Friday, wondering if anyone else has had similar thoughts. The big Labor Day end-of-summer bash is in full swing here in this beach town. Feeling miserable & pitiful on Friday, I dragged my sorry self down to a bench by the bay and just sat there, watching & listening to all the happy, shiny people partying on their boats and condo balconies. Poor me. Feeling a bit better Saturday, having resigned myself to the fact that I WILL NOT ruin this roll I am on, I went out with my husband to one of our favorite places (yes, a tavern). Having moped around all day Friday, for some reason by Sat. I was not envious of those around me. In fact, I felt oddly calm and happy I could still enjoy a favorite place without suffering the consequences later (I realize handling it this way is not advisable, but for me it's working right now). Today I woke up expecting to have a hangover, and when I didn't, felt such a sense of elation and relief, and there were tears of happiness, but also of remorse, as in, why didn't I do this years ago before I caused myself and others so much pain? I was so concerned about what I'd be missing this weekend - then it occurred to me I'd also be "missing" the dreaded Tues. morning after a 3-day binge, shaking all day at work, usually slipping out at lunch for a little something to stop the mini-withdrawal. (Of course, that was in the old days - the last few years, with nearly 24/7 drinking there were no hangovers!)

I look forward to feeling happy and optimistic, but I'm not there yet. I currently spend too much time dwelling on my "condition", and the regrets and sadness that come with the admission that you've wasted a huge chunk of your life.

I just want to thank you all for listening to me, I know you've all been there before, but for me it's still very new. I want so badly to make it. I feel tears welling up again, don't know why I get so emotional......hope everyone has "made it" through the holiday unscathed.

Anna

Hi Hevyn,

Early recovery is a very emotional time. I think part of it is just simply getting used to dealing with emotions with benefit of alcohol to numb them and part of it is the guilt/shame/regret that has to be faced. There is no way around it, but to look at it and deal with it. I wasted three years drinking. Before that, though I didn't drink, I was depressed/anxious/angry - in other words, unhappy. I do feel the regret occasionally, but I never thought I would be in the place that I am in today. So, I am deeply grateful for this opportunity. Whatever time I have left here on this earth, in this life, I can be at peace.

CarolD

Well...

After our noon AA meeting (Topic...Blessings)
52 of us had a Pizza & Dessert party.
We had music...card s and board games...
some danced....one guy sang off key...
a 50/50 raffel to add to our Flower Fund

"We are not a glum lot" kept running thru my head

Dee74

Hey Hevyn,

regret is something we all deal with, espeially in early recovery...now, with a couple of months under my belt, I try to see it as *everything* I've done contributes to who I am today...there were lessons learnt, and there can be amends made

congrats on being 'unscathed'

D

Hevyn

Anna & Dee: Ya mean there's no quick fix for the guilt/shame/remorse - you have to work through it? I hate when that happens. Carol, I want so much not to be glum & bitter & am looking forward to the joy kicking in and staying with me awhile. I do see that the meetings would be a help - maybe I'll haul myself up the road to one some night. (Reluctantly, mind you...)

I made it through the weekend far better than I expected. No jealousy or envy of those around me - and now I can do the superior dance - no hangover, no wondering what I said and did. I feel like if I can get through a calendar year with all the holidays, change of seasons (and triggers they bring with them) I'll be very encouraged that I really can make it this time.

THANK YOU FRIENDS FOR ALL YOU'VE DONE FOR ME, I KNOW I WOULD NEVER HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR ALONE!

Dee74

remember when your parents said 'nothing good comes without hard work ?'
they were right LOL.

D

Jersey Nonny

And, all these years, I thought Pt. Pleasant, N.J. was Partytown, USA...silly old me!

Quote:

"We are not a glum lot" kept running thru my head

This triggered a happy memory...my home group had a slogan: Sober, Not Somber

We were the Lyndhurst 1935 Group, in honor of the year Dr. Bob and Bill Wilson "launched" AA.

Congrats to everyone who made it through the holiday weekend...sober, not somber (hopefully).