setting goals in our recovery!
texas girl!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 7
setting goals in our recovery!
you guys were such a huge inspiration in the respnses i got to my last thread, that I am setting goals for myself as far as things i need to do so i can get on with my own life and recovery (from drugs and co-d behavior);
goals such as.... not going around ABF while he is using; not helping him sell drugs (in any way, rides or phone calls, etc), no more 'rescuing' behavior... im starting with not giving him money to bail him out of debt he's caught himself in, etc. i am also setting goals so i can take actions in my own recovery from drugs and alcohol- ive started working with a new sponsor in the past month or so, and im calling or writing to her most everyday; i am making a goal to make at least 2 meetings a week; i am going to start working my steps again; and i have another goal of making my first alanon meeting. i also have a goal of reading a book pertinent to my recovery and/or meditation each night before bed. (which i've already started also! yay!)
i know i may not meet this all right away, and my sponsor says its okay to fall short as long as I keep trying and keep praying, I will get there.
I have already said NO, for the FIRST TIME, when asked for money to bail out of debt!! Last night. It was so hard but... i know i can do it again. i just prayed to God for the serenity and guidance to not keep cushioning his fall.
I watched him squirm and scream and throw his cell phone, and I did not react to him. I sat, as flat-faced as i could. I gave him a hug and a kiss as I dropped him off, as if nothing had occured. He kept screaming, 'I am $100 in debt! i have no money! i cant go to so-n-so's without cash!' and i just sat there. I acted as if there was somebody else he was talking to. Eventually his friend i was leaving him with said 'i have money, dude, calm down.' other people can be his safety net but he is treating me like crap... so i have to break away. i am trying, with attainable goals, because I am not ready to completely have him out of my life. I just need to have my OWN life back.
i have also spent today thinking about other things than calling him. I used to call and call and call and call again when he woudln't answer the phone. I only called him a couple of times today. I used to call voer and over untill he would get so mad he would answer... i think thats the obsession my sponsor was talking about? =( but i kept myself busy with MY life and MY responsibilities today so that I had less time to htink about HIM and HIS and fixing what was wrong with HIM.
Just wanted to thank you! What are YOUR goals in your recovery? Or just goals for today? I want to hear about your goals for YOU! how are you doing?
goals such as.... not going around ABF while he is using; not helping him sell drugs (in any way, rides or phone calls, etc), no more 'rescuing' behavior... im starting with not giving him money to bail him out of debt he's caught himself in, etc. i am also setting goals so i can take actions in my own recovery from drugs and alcohol- ive started working with a new sponsor in the past month or so, and im calling or writing to her most everyday; i am making a goal to make at least 2 meetings a week; i am going to start working my steps again; and i have another goal of making my first alanon meeting. i also have a goal of reading a book pertinent to my recovery and/or meditation each night before bed. (which i've already started also! yay!)
i know i may not meet this all right away, and my sponsor says its okay to fall short as long as I keep trying and keep praying, I will get there.
I have already said NO, for the FIRST TIME, when asked for money to bail out of debt!! Last night. It was so hard but... i know i can do it again. i just prayed to God for the serenity and guidance to not keep cushioning his fall.
I watched him squirm and scream and throw his cell phone, and I did not react to him. I sat, as flat-faced as i could. I gave him a hug and a kiss as I dropped him off, as if nothing had occured. He kept screaming, 'I am $100 in debt! i have no money! i cant go to so-n-so's without cash!' and i just sat there. I acted as if there was somebody else he was talking to. Eventually his friend i was leaving him with said 'i have money, dude, calm down.' other people can be his safety net but he is treating me like crap... so i have to break away. i am trying, with attainable goals, because I am not ready to completely have him out of my life. I just need to have my OWN life back.
i have also spent today thinking about other things than calling him. I used to call and call and call and call again when he woudln't answer the phone. I only called him a couple of times today. I used to call voer and over untill he would get so mad he would answer... i think thats the obsession my sponsor was talking about? =( but i kept myself busy with MY life and MY responsibilities today so that I had less time to htink about HIM and HIS and fixing what was wrong with HIM.
Just wanted to thank you! What are YOUR goals in your recovery? Or just goals for today? I want to hear about your goals for YOU! how are you doing?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Hi megsy,
My heart is full of pride at all you've done for yourself in just this short time!!!!
Today, for my recovery, I am going to plan a Christmas that involves my addict brother but will not be attached to the outcome. I would love to be with him, but not while he's in active addiction (he's not). Loving detachment can be a wonderful thing...I'll try again to get it right.
Take care of yourself. And I think you're dead right to not give him any more money. Gosh, he sounds like a whiny little child from this point of view! typical addict behavior....Keep taking a step back to see the big picture, and keep up the great work.
Hugs,
GL
My heart is full of pride at all you've done for yourself in just this short time!!!!
Today, for my recovery, I am going to plan a Christmas that involves my addict brother but will not be attached to the outcome. I would love to be with him, but not while he's in active addiction (he's not). Loving detachment can be a wonderful thing...I'll try again to get it right.
Take care of yourself. And I think you're dead right to not give him any more money. Gosh, he sounds like a whiny little child from this point of view! typical addict behavior....Keep taking a step back to see the big picture, and keep up the great work.
Hugs,
GL
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Wowee! You are awesome. You stood up for yourself, you didn't respond to the addict, and you are setting goals!! Holy cow, you're going to be just fine. No one is going to take advantage of you any more!
You just inspired me to set a few goals myself.
You just inspired me to set a few goals myself.
texas girl!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 7
anyone else want to share their goals??
thank you all for the kind and encouraging words!!
another goal for today- get my home in order. I didn't realize how much time i was spending being all mopey and depressed and wrapped up in ABFs drama and addiction that i let my room and dishes get so bad taht I have had to dig a path through the dirty clothes in my room to get to the bed. When the door opens, it squishes against clothes instead of hitting the wall.
I guess that goal has to do with taking care of ME.
oh and GiveLove, totally agree about the whiney child thing!! Wah wah wah. Thats what i hear these days when he talks to me. Poor me, poor me. But im sure he's hearing the same thing from me (since thats all ive been stuck on as well. its my selfish nature)
im trying. thanks AGAIN all who have encouraged me.
another goal for today- get my home in order. I didn't realize how much time i was spending being all mopey and depressed and wrapped up in ABFs drama and addiction that i let my room and dishes get so bad taht I have had to dig a path through the dirty clothes in my room to get to the bed. When the door opens, it squishes against clothes instead of hitting the wall.
I guess that goal has to do with taking care of ME.
oh and GiveLove, totally agree about the whiney child thing!! Wah wah wah. Thats what i hear these days when he talks to me. Poor me, poor me. But im sure he's hearing the same thing from me (since thats all ive been stuck on as well. its my selfish nature)
im trying. thanks AGAIN all who have encouraged me.
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