minou

my AH has been successfully in recovery now for a couple of years. Some really good progress. Meetings all of the time. etc. etc.
The last month or so (vague on this) he has been very snippy and short. Almost his old personality before recovery. He denies this. Says: no he is fine.
We are seeing a therapist. That is moving very slowly. Well, a blow out recently (for me anyway). He snipped at me just once too much. It was SO much of his old mean, short, put-down behavior. I just lost it. I blew a fuse and said: forget it all, just forget it. this is tooooooo much for me. I just want to be alone.
I really felt this way. yuck. I told him I guess if he thinks he is "fine" I guess I have a problem and cannot do this anymore.
We have kids too. great ones. I'm feeling baaaaaad. I'm sliding down to wanting out.
OMG. This is so scary. I just do not know if I can be with him. He is so depressing to me. I never know who I'm going to get--Mr. Snippy or Mr. Nice-guy. It is STILL Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde even though he is not drinking. Any A's out there with insight into this? Am I doomed? Thanks for the help.

Astro

For me, two years is not a long time to break 27 years of my alcoholic behavior. It takes a long time to "unlearn" what I thought was natural for so long. Going to meetings and therapy is just the tip of the iceberg, I've got to do a lot more than that to even come close to having pretty constant peace and serenity. Service work, daily meditations, prayer, and constant support from friends in the Fellowship are necessary too.

You mentioned that you're going to therapy, but what else are you doing to stay focused on your recovery? Al-Anon meetings? I've been in a relationship for the last 8 months. It's a lot of work, I know it's very hard on her at times, but we have the desire and intent to give it our best.

We can feel doomed, we can want out, or we can give it our best shot and know that we tried.

minou

thanks for your thoughts. I guess two years is not much for 40 years of drinking. it is just so discouraging and scary. I will return to alanon for more support. and--have to think about all of this more. How much bad vibes and pain can I choose to live with now? and How does this all affect the kids? I wish there was an easy formula to use to decide whether or not one should stay or go. With a 20 year history/kids and all that, it is a very very serious decision.
Thanks again for your words. Minou

hbb

(((Minou))) sorry your feeling down. I know how you feel, my exabf was snapping at me, didn't even realize he was doing it, then denied it and so on and he was 7 months sober at the time. Getting into the mind of an addict is virtually impossible i know now. Take care of yourself and your children, that's the most important Al Anon has really helped me as well. hugs.

keepingmyjoy

I am already feeling the same and my AH has stopped drinking (supposedly!) for about 2-3 weeks. I feel like I am on hold, and live with a grump.....Hang in there. The way will be clear eventually.

pineapple2007

yup, when AXBF went sober he turned into a grump. It sucked to. He had this scarcastic/rude tone of voice, ALWAYS!

He would make "jokes" that were obviously NOT jokes. then when I confronted him he would be like "WHAT THE HELL I WAS JOKING!" and I always felt like an idiot for not understanding his "jokes" and felt I was failing, failing, failing, ALL THE TIME!

Then I would kick myself because now he was angry! and I caused it! and feeling like a failure again! urg

denny57

It's called abuse.

pineapple2007

how come I dont look at it as abuse? :S

I look at it as just him going through his withdral symptom: being moody....? *throws hands up in air*

meh.

hbb

I'm learning a relationship is 50/50, moody, hands up in the air......verbal abuse is still abuse IMHO.....there are many different types other than physical, like mental, verbal, emotional.....it stinks