DII

Need some advice. My AW and I are separated and she has been sober for two months. My boys (17 and 14) live with me and are adjusting. They see their Mom 2-3 days a week and she lives just 1 mile away. Since we are not yet divorced there is no formal custody arrangement. I travel every couple of weeks for 2-3 and have been able to reschedule my travel or have adults stay with them since the separation. Now, she wants to stay at the house this coming week as I will be traveling. The youngest is good with it but the older one is against it. I don't have family or friends available to cover this time and she is insistent. She feels "uncomfortable" that they will be alone. I truly struggle with this one.....I'm not worried about her drinking but the trust I will lose with the boys if I allow her to stay. I want her to have a relationship with them as long as she is sober but feel I need to protect their feelings and level of trust they have with her currently. I think she can be with them and check in until the evening and then go back to her place and come back and check in on them in the morning. She's only a mile away. The 17 year old has a serious girlfriend and she is using that as the excuse to need to keep an eye on the situation. I don't disagree with that but they can get into trouble anytime...anywhere. I personally think she is using this as a way to "get bac' into the house. I will be gone for two nights and think they can be fine by themselves as long as I have a plan to have friends and family, and my wife, check in on them and drop in on a regular basis. What do you think?

LaTeeDa

In my opinion, 17 and 14 is old enough to be alone for two nights. Especially if there are adults available nearby should they be needed. I think by trusting them on their own, you are doing your sons a tremendous service by showing them how much you trust them. And, should they break the rules, they will have to take the responsibility that goes with the trust.

I am going out of town next month for two nights and my kids are 15 and 11. I trust them and they know that several adults are just a phone call away if needed.

I think your instincts are telling you to trust your sons (not the AW), and instincts are rarely wrong.

L

wister

I want to chime in just to say that I agree with L. that your sons are plenty old enough to take care of themselves for that short a time. I would certainly let some of the adults in my supoort system know that they will alone and that they have their number in case they need help.

Pick-a-name

Just to be safe,check around with the laws in your area. I was unaware that in our town the are certain criteria,regardless of how mature your child is,etc. This may not be the case everywhere. I only found this out on night when there was a poweroutage and a neighbor boy (living in a split house/apartment with a friend and co-worker of his and his mother's upstairs) screamed when the lighning struck close by;he screamed that he thought he had been electrocuted!! (which of course made my son yell over to him that he was still alive, and they got to laughing) It was one of those hot,still summer nights where people had windows open or were on their porch. One neighbor heard the scream and called the police and they drove up our street with flashlights, searching. I went outside (by this time we had called over to the boy and he was ok and his upstairs neighbor was with him) and asked the police what was going on. They mentioned the call and I said where it was and the boy was fine and the neighbor was with him,etc and they asked me how old he was and where was his parent and was he left alone other times...he was 13 and "underage" to be home alone at night. I never knew that.

Other than that, sounds like you have things covered with the boys. Good luck