Loreena

So without going into a major story I just want you all to know that I've been through absolute hell with AH since I took him back almost 2 years ago. I tried
and tried and tried and like many of you, I now realize I can't get him sober and have been saving and making plans to get out of here and am actually kind of serene these past couple of weeks. It just happened, I have been praying to God to stop my old behaviors and focus on me and I beleive he heard me. I feel so positive about what I am about to do and very excited....you see, I don't, I truly don't care now if he gets sober or not, it won't matter as far as we are concerned, I just don't love him anymore at all. I have tried for 7 years - everything in the world, I feel like I've thrown these years of my life away and I am not going to do that any longer for someone that wants to die.

The funny thing is - he hasn't been drinking these past 2 weeks now and has been out to a meeting every night. I KNOW it is because he sees the difference in me and KNOWS I'm done. I told him, gee why did you wait until it was too late? he said because he was stupid. I told him I wish him well. we are working out the details now so I can move on, and he can move on to whatever he chooses. I feel like if he could do it now, why couldn't he have done it back when...I don't buy any of it and will not be sucked back in. I have no feelings for him anymore, no love left, I feel the person I am living with has been trying to break my spirit and bring me down - he is the enemy, alcohol is the enemy, it won again, but it is okay, I wish him well. I am free, I don't care if he quits anymore, I am so relieved that this is NOT MY JOB anymore to try to help someone like him. Grateful as can be about it.

I don't have any idea now what I ever even saw in him that is how bad it has gotten and he sits there talking about how nice my gardens are and how pretty my outfit is and I want to barf...I am able to be civil to him and I know he thinks that means hes sucked me back in again. I don't want any revenge, the mediator is going to split up our stuff, I've had a huge yard sale and sold a ton of my stuff, I'm downsizing, hoping to be able to stay in one place once I find it for awhile, save and go to Europe next spring with a friend, look forward to life and not dread every single day and live in fear and anxiety like I have been. If I didn't have the responsibility of this house, I would have walked away a long time ago...boy have I learned my lesson, feeling okay today, wishing everyone that wants out to finally get this feeling,,it's a good one.

L

ladyjane

loreena,
I'm glad your feeling okay with your life. Good luck to you for the future!!
_____________
Trish

pineapple2007

holy smokes. You are a strong woman. You truly care about urself, well being and future. Good for you. GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!

guineapigjude

What a great example of hitting your limit! Good luck continuing down the new path your life will take you on!

mary m

Loreena, i just moved out from the same situation after believing in this person, that he really wanted to try and work thimgs out, moved in with him again, was there for him through 3 yrs of prison tried again, and again, i have been through hell, and have dealt with way more than i can handle emotionally, i am a wreck and am not going to let someone tear me down like that again, he does not know where i am and has called me for the past two days every 10 minutes leaving messages that he made a mistake and wants me to come back threatened to harm himself if i don't etc. i care but he needs alot of help and i can't do it anymore it is to hard, he said he can find where i am.. i just want him to get help and leave me get back to some normal life, he has been in and out of treatment..detox more than i can count. i can't subject myself and my well being any more, he plays on my sympathy, has no one but me thats doesn't drink..right choice. he doesn't get it, it is hard for me too but have to save my sanity..true??? so know exactly where you are have gone thoputh the same and wasted 5 yrs of my life..time to move on.. write me anytime... M

Lady BlueMiles

Good for you Loreena! I wish you the best for your new future.

keepingmyjoy

Loreena, you go girl! I left and came back too. And, it is so close to my leaving. I am actually working on the escape now. Thanks for the inspiration! The best of everything to you!

cscdcowboy

Looks like you have hit your bottom and he hasn't. Good luck and it looks like you are taking care of yourself.
Now if mine has not hit bottom I have. If she drinks again I am gone. Life is just too short to be making the same mistakes over and over.

Loreena

God everyone, thanks so much for the well wishes, this is how this all works, we all have very scary similiar situations going on, before I came here, I felt so isolated and alone and afraid and even though I still have those feelings, I know what I must do. We all have to learn from these mistakes, we can't completely blame the alcoholic, we have choices too and hopefully from now on we all will make the right choices in our lives. I so much appreciate everyones comments, made my day. I wish all of you peace, serenity and joy, the 3 things I'm sure have aluded us all for so long.

L

Maggs

I'm new here but I went through this similar situation. I had been sober almost a year, and my husband had quit for about 2 weeks, he definitely cut down after, but it was hard. Unfortunately, I couldn't beat so I joined him. Now I'm at square one again. He hasn't said he's quitting drinking, he just says we can't have it in the house. No drinking around our kids. But I know how that goes... we go out more. sighs.
But I'm determined this time to get real, and be sane again. I envy your strength and your happiness.
I hope to learn by people like you how to get my life back on track.

lovtolaff

Thank you for posting this. It just reaffirms what I already knew - I could NEVER take him back b/c things would NEVER change (probably only get worse).

Sometimes it's hard to see that thru all of the LOVE you have for someone but as I've come to realize - his love an my love are two totally different things.

Oh I heard all the promises of "I'll never drink another drop" but I knew better, I just had to stay strong and stick to my guns.

Again...thank you and BEST OF LUCK TO YOU!!!!

Kitkatt

Loreena,
What an inspiration you are to us all! I admire your strength and I am so happy you are going on to a new and better life and doing what is best for you!
God Bless