overdue update on me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: oh
Posts: 757
overdue update on me
let's see. where to start. i have keep strong to my boundaries for over two months now and haven't caved. ah is unwilling to stop drinking and i am unwilling to accept it.
well, i've met with an attorney and got all the papers for a dissolution. i only need $1500.00, court date in 30-45 days and my marriage will be over and i will be able to move on with my life. the only real complication right now is the house. ah will not leave the house until he is free and clear from it, so neither of us are leaving the house right now. he said that i could refinance and have the house, but i don't know for sure if that is a good idea or not. i should hopefully be getting a settlement soon, so i could use that money. i'm hoping it will be enough to get me on my feet again. i don't know if it would be better to just try and work with ah on selling the house and both of us staying there till that happens??? of couse, as predicted, i have a kitchen that was torn apart and is still not fixed or in selling condition. i guess maybe the attorney or court would tell us exactly what we have to do with that?
living together is getting scarier for me i must admit though. ah has completely lost his mind a few times and been completely out of it-just not rational at all-blackouts. i know it is because he knows he has lost control. one night-he went from raging to begging and trying to force himself on me sexually. it went on and on. i threatened to call someone and eventually, screamed "i hate you" -"i hate you for doing this to me" -not one of my finest moments i know - but i did what i had to to get him to stop. when i said that, he quit and left me alone. i carried my phone with me and he asked why? i said because i was frightened and scared and that if he tried to touch me again i would call an older friend of his who offered to come over whenever ah gets out of hand. ah said "don't worry, i will never touch you again after you said you hate me." he then said in all our years i have never said i hated you. i explained to him that he caused me to say that and i said what i had to get him to stop. he has basically left me alone since this.
i am having a great time living my own life. going out with friends, developing new relationships. focusing on all the people that lift me up in my life and make me feel good. spending time with family. i am very rarely ever home anymore. i am always going out and have things to do. it really is great to have myself back again and to live life. i have begun to feel again. i didn't realize just how many emotions and feeling i had shut off. i didn't realize how numb i had actually become. i am actually ready to go after the things that i want in life and not afraid to express it anymore.
oh and, i moved where i work!!! and it is great! i love my job now. i was working in a really bad building with no windows and mold problems. we moving and now i have a beautiful office with a window
brand new environment, new people. i hadn't realized how depressed i had become by where i had worked before. i just adapted to it. the new atmosphere has really changed my outlook on everything!!! i am so much happier
so, all in all, i really am happy and doing good i think.
love you guys!!!
well, i've met with an attorney and got all the papers for a dissolution. i only need $1500.00, court date in 30-45 days and my marriage will be over and i will be able to move on with my life. the only real complication right now is the house. ah will not leave the house until he is free and clear from it, so neither of us are leaving the house right now. he said that i could refinance and have the house, but i don't know for sure if that is a good idea or not. i should hopefully be getting a settlement soon, so i could use that money. i'm hoping it will be enough to get me on my feet again. i don't know if it would be better to just try and work with ah on selling the house and both of us staying there till that happens??? of couse, as predicted, i have a kitchen that was torn apart and is still not fixed or in selling condition. i guess maybe the attorney or court would tell us exactly what we have to do with that?
living together is getting scarier for me i must admit though. ah has completely lost his mind a few times and been completely out of it-just not rational at all-blackouts. i know it is because he knows he has lost control. one night-he went from raging to begging and trying to force himself on me sexually. it went on and on. i threatened to call someone and eventually, screamed "i hate you" -"i hate you for doing this to me" -not one of my finest moments i know - but i did what i had to to get him to stop. when i said that, he quit and left me alone. i carried my phone with me and he asked why? i said because i was frightened and scared and that if he tried to touch me again i would call an older friend of his who offered to come over whenever ah gets out of hand. ah said "don't worry, i will never touch you again after you said you hate me." he then said in all our years i have never said i hated you. i explained to him that he caused me to say that and i said what i had to get him to stop. he has basically left me alone since this.
i am having a great time living my own life. going out with friends, developing new relationships. focusing on all the people that lift me up in my life and make me feel good. spending time with family. i am very rarely ever home anymore. i am always going out and have things to do. it really is great to have myself back again and to live life. i have begun to feel again. i didn't realize just how many emotions and feeling i had shut off. i didn't realize how numb i had actually become. i am actually ready to go after the things that i want in life and not afraid to express it anymore.
oh and, i moved where i work!!! and it is great! i love my job now. i was working in a really bad building with no windows and mold problems. we moving and now i have a beautiful office with a window
brand new environment, new people. i hadn't realized how depressed i had become by where i had worked before. i just adapted to it. the new atmosphere has really changed my outlook on everything!!! i am so much happier so, all in all, i really am happy and doing good i think.
love you guys!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Good for you, hopeangel. Please take care of yourself - blackouts can be dangerous. There are pros and cons about keeping a house - if you have time, do a google on it. Sounds like if you keep it you'd have a fixer-upper on your hands. I've decided to sell mine for that reason alone. Only you know if it's something you'd want to keep.
Good luck with everything and keep us posted.
Good luck with everything and keep us posted.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: oh
Posts: 757
dgill, it is from a car accident i was in a couple of years back. ah brought that up last night telling me that half of it would be his. please tell me that he has no right to this money!!!
i don't see how he could. the accident had nothing to do with him. i was the one that was hurt in it. i really don't think he could have a right to this money could he?
i got upset when he said this and refused to answer any more of his questions about it. telling him i know longer trusted him with the information after his threat and i will not share anymore info with him. he has had lots of plans for this money,but there is no way i will let him have it! he then backed down and said he didn't want it...
he is all over the place. one minute agreeing to give me everything, the next saying he is going to get his own attorney...
i don't see how he could. the accident had nothing to do with him. i was the one that was hurt in it. i really don't think he could have a right to this money could he?
i got upset when he said this and refused to answer any more of his questions about it. telling him i know longer trusted him with the information after his threat and i will not share anymore info with him. he has had lots of plans for this money,but there is no way i will let him have it! he then backed down and said he didn't want it...
he is all over the place. one minute agreeing to give me everything, the next saying he is going to get his own attorney...
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 91
You should check with your lawyer. A simple phone call to a lawyer you use, or a lawyer friend, and you can have the answer to this for free. It probably depends on what your state's laws are. But, since you were married...and assuming the car was joint marital property...even though the settlement is for an injury....he may have a claim of some sort. The laws are weird and sometimes not fair. But a good lawyer will be able to sort it out....and if he insists on a nasty divorce....may have to threated to bring his alcoholism into play to keep him from touching what is rightfully yours.
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